I Don't Dance
by ChElFi
Summary: Nothing like coming up with a title five days before you finish posting a story. :) Image from f***yeahcaptainhill dot tumblr dot com. (FFN is kinda picky about that sort of thing). 30-Day OTP for my OTP. In my headverse so totally A/U after IM3. Glimpses into Steve's and Maria's lives. Lots of angst, some mush, very little fluff. Title from the Lee Brice song.
1. I Wanna Hold Your Hand

**A/N: So, I decided to do the 30-Day OTP Challenge, only I'm an obsessive so I've been working on the entire 30 days all summer long. I didn't want to start publishing and leave it unfinished. That kills me. I still get anxiety over my Clintasha story. :D**

**The biggest problem I've had is that I hate making up titles. I usually only name the story, not the chapters, so most of these chapter names will be dorky, and some will even be just what the day's prompt is because I can't think of anything better.**

**The series starts post-Avengers. It is set in my head-canon so it is pretty much 100% A/U.**

**Please R&amp;R. And have a Happy Labor Day (even if you aren't in the USA). :)**

* * *

When it first crossed Steve's mind several days ago that Maria Hill had nice hands and it might be pleasant to some day hold one in a friendly grip other than a formal handshake, this wasn't exactly what he'd had in mind.

It was barely a day since they defeated the Chitauri and Steve had returned to the Hellicarrier to speak with Fury about Thor's plans regarding Loki and the Tesseract. The Deputy Director met him on the flight deck intending to lead him safely through the wreckage on the ship to Director Fury's temporary office.

They'd taken the stairs, as most of the power was from generators and that power had to be used by machines making repairs, not running lifts. They were walking along a corridor leading to the next staircase they needed to take when Steve heard a creak and before he could wonder where it came from, the floor under Hill's feet collapsed and she began to fall through.

Steve's reaction was quick and he was able to grab one of her hands before she fell all the way through the cavern below them. He swallowed down his fearful reaction when he saw that there was nothing under them for several levels.

He'd been right about her hands. They were nice, and strong. Her grip on his was secure and she swung up the other to grab his arm as he made to pull her up. He was impressed at the seeming lack of fear, at her complete presence of mind despite her precarious situation. He held tightly with one hand while reaching to grab the shoulder of her uniform, then he hauled with enough strength, but not too much, to pull her body out of the hole, twisting his own body to get his feet under him and have more leverage with which to pull her up. Now, with one tug, he quickly pulled her out. He lost his own balance as she came up and was knocked off his feet, sending the two of them tumbling backwards in a twisted pile of limbs.

Steve felt Hill's breath huff on the side of his face, felt her body straddled across him, felt his face grow hot and red as he realized his hand was around her waist and pushed up under her shirt, touching the warm skin on her lower back. He quickly removed his hand as she pushed herself up on her hands and knees then returned to her feet. She offered her hand to him in help and he took it and marveled again at the strength in it.

"Thank you, Captain," she nodded formally to him.

He held on to her hand probably longer than might be considered acceptable as he nodded in return, tongue-tied and gazing into sure blue eyes.

He realized he'd been staring and excused himself as he dropped her hand and tore his gaze away. She touched the com in her ear and reported the damage. Turning back to him, she remained all business, to Steve's simultaneous relief and chagrin.

"We'll have to go back around," she informed him, starting back the way they came.

Steve nodded and let her pass, then followed mutely behind, wondering at the strength of the woman in front of him.

* * *

**A/N: I'll post one a day. I'm kind of stuck on day 14 (gender swap) but my kids are helping me out therefore it should be good, right? :D**

**Will post the end of Strongest Weakness today and hopefully will finally have time to work on the next chapter of my HIMYM/Avengers crossover this week as the kids go back to their extra-curriculars and I spend a lot of time sitting in my car waiting. :D**


	2. Hold Me Now

**A/N: Welcome to day 2. This story takes place about two months after day 1, in the middle of my first ever Captain Hill story "Unexpected."**

* * *

It was cold, freezing in fact. And Steve did not plan on arguing with Maria about his plan to keep her from freezing to death.

Their jet was shot out of the sky over the Andes, they, the only two passengers, and the pilot, managed to jump but Maria's parachute had jammed (something Steve was going to check into when they returned) and he and Maria ended up separated from the pilot after Steve had plummeted after her then carried her down into the snow and ice using his parachute.

They had advanced as far as hand-holding, though Steve was beginning to doubt they'd get any further. She wasn't interested and he had the feeling there was something going on between her and Jasper Sitwell. (He had argued with himself that he'd had the same thought about Peggy and Howard and that he'd been wrong, but Peggy had often made her feelings at least slightly more clear. Maria had made no insinuation at all.) No, Steve was only a friend to Maria, but holding her close on the way down had made him wish even more that he'd been fortunate enough to have met her before Jasper had.

Now they were practically nose to nose, arguing about Steve's idea to give her his uniform top to keep her warm.

"I think I'll be just fine," Steve bit out in frustration. "I was frozen for 70 years and I haven't felt any negative side effects. I doubt a few hours will kill me."

"But we can't be sure," she told him, and now her teeth were chattering so badly she barely got the words out.

Stubborn woman, Steve cursed in his head, and pulled off his shirt without further discussion then forced her into it. Taking the parachute and wrapping it around them, he made sure Maria's legs and feet were securely inside before he pulled the rest over their heads. He hoped this, along with the outcropping that seemed to be protecting them from most of the wind, would be enough until SHIELD could respond to their beacon.

He held her tightly against him, knowing his body heat would do more to keep her warm, wishing it wasn't dire circumstances that had finally brought her into his arms. After several minutes, she was warmed enough that she had stopped shaking as badly and Steve finally relaxed.

"You know, it's not always a bad thing to take help from someone, Maria," he said quietly in her ear.

She huffed.

"Are you trying to make me angry, Captain?"

Steve's heart clenched at her use of the title and he barely managed to splutter out the next words.

"No, I just want you to know people won't think less of you," he was interrupted by her laughter and he pulled slightly away to give her a confused look.

"It's OK, Steve," she told him. "Anger gets the blood flowing better."

Steve still wasn't convinced. Then she smiled at him.

"Phil told me that once when we were stuck in a similar situation," she informed him.

He nodded, though he still wasn't sure he understood, then pulled her back up against him as she went on.

"He told me to think of the most upsetting thing I could, not the most pleasant," she laughed again. "Anyway, it worked for me."

Steve felt the question form on the tip of his tongue, but he left it there. He wanted to know, but he didn't want her to feel later that he'd taken advantage of their situation to learn personal information about her. She had proven to be an extremely private person and Steve had resolved to wait until she was ready to tell him things. He tried to encourage her, however, by sharing his own life and memories with her.

"Maybe that's the real reason I lived through the crash," Steve said. "Because my thoughts couldn't have been on much worse."

"How so?" she asked, her breath against his chest causing goose pimples the snow and cold could not.

"I was thinking of how I'd never see Peggy again," Steve swallowed down the emotion that threatened. "It was a sacrifice that had to be made, but that knowledge didn't make the pain any less."

She was still for a moment and Steve concentrated on the warm breaths blowing evenly on his chest, then she pulled away and looked at him. There was a sympathetic look on her face, and Steve wondered if she'd ever had to make similar sacrifices. But when she reached up and touched his face, all rational thoughts scattered.

Her lips were mere inches from his. So many times he'd been close to Peggy and wanted to pull her to him, wanted to tell her everything he felt for her, how, far more than the serum, she made him feel like a real man, like he was strong, like he was worthy. He'd always thought they'd have more time, even after Bucky died, he waited. He'd been a fool to do so. Why was he risking the same mistake now?

Steve saw the surprise in Maria's eyes as he leaned closer, but no fear. Did she want this, as well? Were his feelings not as one-sided as he'd feared?

A screeching from the radio in Maria's pocket startled them and they pulled apart. Maria reached for it, then verified the codes before engaging in further conversation.

"ETA for extraction, less than ten minutes, Commander," the voice said over the static, and Steve couldn't help but be slightly disappointed.

"We should make you presentable," she said, shoving the radio back into her pocket.

She removed his shirt and handed it to him. And it was as if that moment had never happened. Reality intruded and reminded her of who she was, and what was acceptable for her. And, it looked to Steve, a relationship with Captain America wasn't one of those things.


	3. A Problem Like Maria

**A/N: With my apologies to Still Waters who has already written Captain Hill watching this movie. I tried to come up with something different, but this wouldn't leave me alone. I hope it's not too plagiarized.**

**Takes place about a week after the day 2 story. Reference is made to my story "Hopes and Dreams."**

* * *

As the Von Trapp family crossed into Switzerland, Maria stood up and stretched. Steve surreptitiously watched her from his seat on the sofa unsure whether it bothered him more that she'd be annoyed if she knew he liked to watch her, or that she wouldn't understand why he did.

She bent over to pick up the popcorn bowl, now with only a few unpopped kernels in the bottom, and Steve waved her off.

"I've got it," he said and snatched it, and their soda bottles, up before she could start chastising him for serving her.

He chuckled at her look of mock consternation as he carried the items to the small kitchenette.

Turning back to her after he set the dish in the sink and the bottles in the recycle he opened his mouth to ask his burning question.

"Don't even ask," Maria commanded, holding her hand up to stop him.

"So, I guess that's a yes?" Steve said with a slight smile.

"You're lucky I let you bring that over to watch," she told him.

"Um," Steve almost told her Jasper had suggested it but he couldn't get the words out.

He was already walking a thin line between wanting Maria to be happy with Jasper and wanting to convince her that she could be happier with him.

"I know it was Jasper's idea," she told him.

Steve opened his mouth then shut it again.

"He's been teasing me about having you watch it ever since the Benny Hill incident," she said.

Steve shook his head to show he didn't know what she was talking about.

"When you were still living at SHIELD," she said, then Steve remembered.

Steve felt the heat rise to his face and knew he was a nice shade of pink from the look she gave him. He cleared his throat and tried to think of a way to change the subject away from that embarrassing moment.

Maria had mercy on him.

"There was a big revival of the movie at the 50th anniversary a few years ago," she said. "I was still somewhat new at SHIELD and a few people tried to make a big deal out of it."

The look that flashed across her face should have made Steve more cautious, but he had an idea of what Maria might have done to anyone who tried to ask, "How do you solve a problem like Maria?" so he laughed instead, and received a look that should have scared him more than it did. Instead it only intensified his daily struggle.

She was not a woman to be trifled with and she made sure everyone knew. That knowledge did things to Steve he was certain weren't normal for most men. It was difficult to find a man at SHIELD, other than Jasper, who had much good to say about her. And Steve realized that though, in many ways, life was more equal for women now, the old biases about a woman's role remained. Peggy Carter had corrected him of all those same biases when she'd stood, gun in hand, playing chicken with a car on a street in Brooklyn. After that, Steve knew women were capable of bravery as great as any man. And Maria seemed to him more proof.

Finally, she allowed herself a smirk.

"You're a brave man, Captain Rogers," she said, and he smiled at her.

She walked around behind him to the sink and ran some water into the bowl to wash it. Steve turned and watched her a moment, discovering he really needed to find something to talk about with her because she was only a foot away from him and it seemed too far. Swallowing down nerves, or reason, as the case might be, Steve stepped next to her and picked up the towel to dry the bowl when she was done. He could have chosen to stand farther away but Maria hadn't said anything and he really couldn't pull himself back. He was almost certain her ears were turning pink, so he spoke to cover his own embarrassment.

"Is there a shrine to the fallen?" he asked.

That earned him a genuine laugh and when she turned to look up at him Steve had to fight the impulse to do something foolish like lean down and kiss her. He thought he kept up his charade fairly well because she just shook her head at him.

"You know me too well, Rogers," she said, then handed him the bowl to dry.

In his head Steve replied that, no, he didn't know her nearly enough, but he wanted to know her more, know everything about her.

As he walked up the stairs to his apartment after she dropped him off he found himself humming the tune and seriously asking himself how on earth he was going to solve the problem that was Maria.


	4. First Date

**A/N: Day 4. Going on a Date. Lame title whether or not you know it's from the Blink 182 song. :D As I've said before, I suck at titles. **

**This story takes place a few weeks after the end of "Unexpected," so about a month after the day 3 story.**

* * *

Steve pulled the van he'd requisitioned from SHIELD into a space down the street from Maria's apartment. He let out a long breath as he killed the engine, then peered through the windscreen at the light in her window. Swallowing down his nerves like a piece of poorly chewed meat, he placed his hand on the door handle and forced himself to push it open.

Picking up the flowers off the seat next to him, he stepped out onto the street and shut the door, then checked his reflection in the window. For the thousandth time since he woke that morning he tried to assure himself that this would not be like all those dates Bucky had set him up on in college. This time he was going out with a woman he had asked on a date who had accepted.

Besides, Steve smirked to himself, they'd been unofficially going out for over two months. Maria just had no idea at the time he'd been trying to court her.

Taking another deep breath, he forced his feet to move away from the van and down the street.

A few minutes later he knocked on her door and pulled a handkerchief from his pocket to wipe his sweaty palms. Fortunately, he thought, she was still on crutches so he wouldn't be able to hold her hand most of the time and have to worry about that embarrassing part of his nerves.

When Maria opened the door, Steve's voice stuck in his throat. She was wearing a modest red dress that had a black lace overlay, the colors were striking and enhanced her natural beauty. He opened his mouth to tell how beautiful she looked, but he couldn't quite make the words come out.

She chuckled quietly and stepped back to let him in.

"I'll take that as approval of the dress," she said as she shut the door behind him.

"The dress," he finally told her. "Everything."

They stared at each other for another moment, Steve still somewhat dumbstruck, Maria with an expectant smile.

"The flowers are beautiful," she said and nodded to the bouquet of asters* Steve held.

"Oh, yeah," he said. "These are for you. I'll put them in a vase for you."

He went to the cabinet in the kitchenette and pulled out the one vase she owned, from flowers he'd brought her when she was in the hospital, and filled it with water from the tap.

"You know," Maria said behind him. "If dating me is going to make you this nervous, we could call it something else."

Steve turned quickly toward her, trying to find words to assure her, but he saw she had a bemused look on her face and he relaxed.

"I'm sorry," he said. "It's really stupid of me. I just, I've never really dated."

"Well, I'll try to make it as painless as possible," she assured him.

* * *

Steve had made the reservation and specified a table out of the way due to Maria's cast. It made for a perfect location; back in a corner, the wait staff, while attentive, never had to pass by for other patrons. And, as the evening passed in quiet conversation, Steve relaxed entirely. He felt foolish for his earlier fears. Maria didn't act any differently than she had when they were "just friends."

He was about to suggest they drive to the park and take a carriage ride, Steve had no doubt he could easily help Maria into the cab, when light piano music started playing on the other side of the restaurant and the pianist announced that the dance floor would be opening.

"It's too bad I've got a bum leg," Maria sighed. "It would be nice if we could dance."

She turned to him and smiled, and suddenly Steve had a vision of another brunette, her red dress beautifully accenting her curves. His chest suddenly felt tight causing his breaths to shorten.

"Steve?" Maria leaned over the table and took his hand. "Are you OK?"

He nodded his head, not wanting to ruin the evening for her. But she gave him a dubious look and turned to waive to their waiter to bring the check.

"Maria, I'll be fine," he said, though he knew it was a lie, and from the look on Maria's face, she did as well.

Outside, he gave the valet his claim ticket and they waited for the van to be brought around. Steve felt Maria's worried gaze on him the entire time. Internally, he fumed. It had been months since he'd had an incident like this. And he couldn't remember ever having one in public. He had no idea what had come over him.

He drove them back to Maria's, palpable silence hanging between them. When they arrived and were parked, Maria reached over to touch Steve's arm. He knew he could no longer convince anyone who could see him that he was fine.

"Let's go upstairs and we can talk," she said.

He turned to her to say he couldn't. How was he supposed to tell her that while they were out on their first date, he was having flashbacks about Peggy? But the look on Maria's face said she would not take no for an answer. He closed his eyes as that thought only brought more visions of Peggy to the forefront of his mind.

Once in the apartment, Maria ordered Steve to sit on the sofa while she got him a soda. He felt guilty making her wait on him as she hobbled about the small room on her crutches, but he didn't think his voice could hold for an argument.

After she sat down, she turned, as best she could with her cast, to look at him.

"There was a trigger?" She asked, as if she knew.

He looked at her for a moment, unsure how to tell her.

"Was it the music?" She asked, her voice gentle, her eyes brimming with concern.

Steve shook his head.

"Dancing," he managed to force out.

She reached over and took his hand in hers.

"Tell me," she said.

He stared at her for a moment as he realized something for the first time. All these months he had thought she'd never shown a sign that she was interested in him, that she might feel differently about him than she did for anyone else. But it had been right in front of his face the entire time.

He'd watched her for more than a year before New York, she'd fascinated him from the first time he saw her in the officer's mess. She was so unlike the others that he couldn't help himself. But he had never seen her treat anyone the way she treated him. She never gave anyone the attention she gave him. He'd been expecting her to show her interest the same as Peggy had, but Maria was not Peggy, and, Steve realized that he was OK with that.

Relaxing, finally, he smiled slightly.

"Peggy was going to teach me to dance," he told her.

And for the first time it wasn't an overwhelming thought. For the first time it was OK to think about it, to tell someone about it.

They talked for a while. He'd never shared a lot about Peggy with her before. It had been too painful.

He didn't know how he'd made it through before Maria, he'd been so alone. But even as only friends she had somehow grounded him, somehow made it seem like this was where he truly belonged.

Steve leaned back on the couch and put his arm around Maria's shoulder. Pulling her into his embrace his kissed the top of her head.

"Do you want to watch a movie, or something?" he asked, not really wanting the evening to end.

"You could read to me," she said.

Steve smiled and reluctantly let go of her so he could walk over to her book shelf.

"So, what are you in the mood for?" he asked. "Astronomy? History? Linguistics?"

Steve had learned a lot in the past few months, just from Maria's personal collection. Maria had never been much for fiction. The movies they watched were usually for his personal education and he never thought she was entirely comfortable with them.

"How about that new one on the second shelf?" she pointed and Steve tried to follow her direction.

He found it right away and turned to her, raising a questioning eyebrow. She only shrugged.

"I figured it was a good compromise," she said, a slight smile on her face.

He took the book off he shelf and returned to his seat next to her. Opening the book, he began.

"The year 1866 was signalized by a remarkable incident, a mysterious and inexplicable phenomenon, which doubtless no one has yet forgotten."**

*asters are a symbol of love

**20,000 Leagues Under The Sea by Jules Verne. I'm not sure if he was, but I always imagine Steve as a Jules Verne fan as a boy.

* * *

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed that sweet story, because tomorrow...**


	5. Where've You Been?

**A/N: All I have to say is, sometimes I make myself cry. **

**The title is from a song by Kathy Matea that I have been listening too since I was, well, younger. I chose it because, like this story, it still makes me cry to this day.**

**And now, in the immortal words of everyone's favorite romance novelist, Joan Wilder, "Read it and weep. I always do."**

**(PS If you don't know who Joan Wilder is, I'm probably old enough to be your mother. ;D)**

* * *

In the doorway of her apartment, his heart pounding so hard he's certain it will crack his rib cage, the pulsing rush of blood so strong he can hear it, he leans down and gently brushes his lips against hers. It's just a taste, a sample of what he wants to give her, the love he feels; new, now, but stronger than any other he's felt. It's backed with the experience of wasted moments and fatal hesitations. He won't make that mistake this time. Maria will know from the beginning how Steve feels about her.

* * *

On a hospital bed in Milan, the world can walk in at any moment, but, despite his best intentions, Steve's waited too long as it is, waited until it was almost too late. She leans down to kiss him, a whispered reply before her lips press against his, and he brushes his thumb against the new diamond on her finger as he takes Maria's hand in his.

* * *

In a small chapel in Brooklyn, the minister pronounces them husband and wife and Steve feels as if his heart will explode from the joy he feels. There were so many days he thought this one would never come. So many nights after waking from the ice when he thought he would always be alone, that he would never find another soul in this time who could understand.

He looks at Maria and is surprised by her public display of emotion. Her eyes are moist but there is a smile on her face, as though her thoughts are the same as his: awestruck at the realization that she has finally found someone, that this is all very real. He leans in to kiss her, taste her briefly, as their friends cheer this one moment that not long ago neither had thought they'd experience.

* * *

Behind closed doors in Maria's SHIELD apartment, the kisses are passionate, desperate. The pain he saw in her eyes, the hurt he knows he caused, he has to make it go away, has to show her how sorry he is. Even if he's not the man he was, even if things are irrevocably changed for him, their love cannot change. He cannot let her think that she is less than what he needs.

The taste of their tears intermingle on his lips, his heart aches at the sounds of her cries, not of pleasure, but hurt at his words, at his rejection. In all his life he can't remember acting so selfishly and to have acted so against her is unforgivable. But he has to make her forgive him, has to show her that he knows he is wrong, that he needs her more than anything, that she is more important to him than even his own life. And he will do whatever it takes.

* * *

On a balcony at Avenger's Tower, Steve and Maria take a break from his birthday celebration to watch the Independence Day fireworks in the distance. The night is warm and humid, but Steve has no desire to extricate himself from his wife's arms. Her head rests against his chest as he runs his fingers through her hair. He is never more content, more at peace, than in these moments with her.

After a while he has the strange sensation of someone tapping irregularly at his lower abdomen. He pulls away to look at her, a question in his eyes. She only smiles and nods, and Steve quickly falls to his knees and places his hands on Maria's rounded belly. He feels the kick against his hand and looks up at his wife in awe. She reaches down to touch his face and he leans into her hand, pressing his lips to her palm. Slowly, the kicks die down, then stop, and Steve presses his lips to Maria's belly and whispers.

"Sleep well."

* * *

In the hospital room it is quiet but for the beeping of the heart monitor. The lights are dimmed, Maria lies on the bed. He is certain he's never seen her so still. Even when he watches her sleep, she is always moving, always in motion. He tries without success to ignore the wires and the tubes. They are a mirror of each other right now, mother and child, and Steve fights back the fear that threatens to break him.

He moves to stand next to her, taking her left hand in his, feeling the cool metal of her rings, the rings he gave her. The unspoken promise he'd made with them weighs on him now. A promise that he'd never cause her pain, never cause her to suffer. But no terrorist or intergalactic army or evil mutant seeking world domination has put her in this hospital bed, barely clinging to life. It was Steve who did this, with his romanticism, his idea that they could somehow have the one thing neither thought they ever could.

That one thing he wanted so much he risked Maria's life for is in a small plastic incubator, three floors up. And Steve now stands to lose the only things he's ever cared for.

As the tears begin to fall from his eyes, he presses his lips gently to hers and whispers the news when he pulls only centimeters away.

"It's a girl."

* * *

In their small kitchen, Steve finally allows a smile to creep to his face as understanding slowly dawns on Maria's.

"Steve?" she asks, hesitantly, as she stares at her wedding set on the chain he'd pulled from around his neck.

He nods slowly.

"My Steve?" she clarifies, looking back at his face.

He nods again and laughs his first laugh in months as Maria throws herself into his arms. They cling to each other and only pull away in order to press their lips together. It is nothing, at first, mere confirmation that they are together again. But it quickly becomes greedy and relays the fears each has had for the past two months, fears that they would never see each other again, never truly know what had happened to the other.

As their kisses become more heated, Steve lifts his wife to carry her to their bedroom. She wraps her legs around him and grabs at his back as if she could somehow pull herself even closer to him.

They don't make it to the bedroom until the fourth time. The kitchen table, the landing at the turn of the staircase, and the wall in the upstairs hallway were all convenient enough, but as he holds her and softly kisses her now in their bed, Steve finally relaxes. Their kisses become gentle, both finally satisfied that this is real.

"I missed you so much," he tells her, caressing her lips with his.

She smiles at him and he pulls her into his arms and drifts into the sleep he can only get when they are together like this, in each other's arms.

* * *

In a cathedral in New York City, Steve beams with pride at the beautiful woman in white walking toward him. He's fully aware of his good fortune to be here today, with her, waiting for their cue. She hands her flowers to the wedding coordinator and takes both his hands in hers.

"Daddy," she whispers through her happy tears as she places a kiss on his cheek.

He smiles down at her as she pulls away. He can't seem to stop smiling today. He hasn't been this happy since a similar moment thirty years ago.

"I'm so proud of you, baby girl," he says as he leans down to kiss her forehead.

Later, at the reception to celebrate the new Mr. and Mrs. Gregory Barton, Steve gazes like a love-sick puppy, as Darcy so aptly put it, at his own wife. Just like thirty years ago, he can't take his eyes off her at this wedding. Finally she shakes her head at him and leans over to kiss him gently, but he quickly puts his hand at the nape of her neck to keep her there and returns a kiss full of the same promises he made on their own day.

* * *

In the elevator, Steve holds a vase full of blue asters in one hand, in his other, his daughter's own hand. He looks at himself in the reflective metal doors. At 145, he doesn't look a day over 50. The doctor thinks he might live at least another 60 years. He curses himself internally and sets his mouth in a grimace. His daughter squeezes his hand in encouragement and the only reason he doesn't grouse to her the way he does to Bucky is because she has a similar weight on her shoulders.

They step out of the elevator and turn down the hall. It's a pleasant enough place, the color hues soft and relaxing, the smells more home-like than facility-like. As they arrive at the room, the nurse comes out.

"Oh, Captain Rogers, Mrs. Barton, it's good to see you both this morning," she smiles, and Steve adds that to his list of things to complain about when he sees Barnes again.

She holds the door for them to go in and Steve squares his shoulders as if he is going into battle.

Maria looks up at them as they enter, her frail smile making Steve's heart feel too big for his chest just as it did on their wedding day. Her hair is grey and her once smooth face is wrinkled now, but he can't help but think that she is even more beautiful today. And he tries to not consider how few days are left for him to look at her like this.

He places the flowers on the table next to her as their daughter moves yesterday's to the shelf along the window. The orange blossoms join the yellow tulips, the red roses, and the hibiscus*.

Maria gazes at the asters and smiles.

"You brought me asters for our first date," her voice is barely a whisper.

She looks up at him with pale blue eyes and Steve swallows down the emotion, forces himself to be strong for her, the way she always has been for him.

"You read to me, too," she reminds him, and he nods. "Jules Verne."

He sits in the chair at her left side and takes her hand in his. The metal of her rings is strong, piercing his mind with the contrast to her weakened body.

"Read it to me, again," she says, and he tries to imagine when her voice was strong and commanding.

Their daughter hands him her device with the book already on the screen then settles into the chair on the other side of the bed and takes her mother's other hand in hers. Steve doesn't drop Maria's hand as he reads the words, so he notices as it grows still and cold. He glances over to his daughter across the bed and she tilts her head and gives him a sad, tight smile.

He looks back at his wife and she seems as if she is only sleeping, but her cold hand is like the cold in his heart, that same cold he felt when he woke from the ice, and he realizes now she alone has kept it at bay all these years. He stands, unsteadily, and leans over to place a soft kiss on her lips.

_*orange blossoms=loveliness; yellow tulips=hopeless love; red rose=love; hibiscus=delicate beauty_

* * *

**A/N: If you are in tears, my work here is done. :)**


	6. Man, I Feel Like Kanye

**A/N: This must be one of the shortest things I've ever written. So I'll add to it with ridiculously long A/N. :) **

**First, thanks to all of you for the likes, reviews, and follows. :)**

**Second, I forgot to mention the layout of the stories. 1-5 are Steve's POV. 5-10 are Maria's POV. 11-15 are others POV. Originally all Avengers, but then my kids helped me on that annoying genderswap story and now it will be a little different. :) Then back to Steve for 16-20. Both for 21 (which is where I moved the "getting married" story). Maria for 22-25. Steve for 26 &amp; 27\. Maria for 28. Surprise guest for 29. Both for 30. I will post this list at AO3 if you wish to reference it again.  
**

**Third, now for the story. It takes place very soon after Steve moves into the Tower, which is a few months after IronMan 3 which is mostly canon for this. I haven't decided about Killian's death. I might need him later. :)  
**

**A short note follows.**

* * *

Maria had to take a second look when Steve walked out of the elevator and into the common lounge at Avenger's Tower. It wasn't only because it was unusual to see the super soldier looking so exhausted and disheveled, there was something else.

Glancing carefully at Stark, to see if he'd noted it, Maria was relieved to find him studying something on his tablet.

Steve gave her a quick peck on the cheek. Maria was nervous about public displays of affection, and Steve was less a fan of them around Stark, who joked with them to get a room whenever he caught them simply holding hands.

Maria took the opportunity to whisper in his ear.

Steve pulled back and gave her a confused look.

"I just got dressed," he said, quietly, and Maria hoped Stark wasn't listening, but that would probably be more luck than she could expect.

"I'm sure, but," she reached over and tugged at his shirt hem to draw his attention to the garment.

Looking down, Steve blushed.

"I, uh, guess I wasn't paying attention," he said, as he stared at the lace trim.

He turned to head back to the elevator, and Maria heard Tony speak up from his perch at the bar.

"What? You're girlfriend doesn't like you wearing her clothes outside the bedroom?" he smirked.

"Well," Steve turned back as he stepped into the elevator. "She was actually concerned I might start a trend and she didn't think you could pull it off."

Maria laughed as Tony's jaw dropped open, surprised at Steve's ability to give back better than he got.

* * *

**A/N: Ah, such a cute, funny story to help you recover from day 5. :) Tomorrow is pretty funny, too, not too angsty. **

**As an aside. I went with Steve wearing Maria's clothes because every single version of this I've ever read regardless the Het ship has the woman wearing the man's clothing. I'm the kind of person who's been asking for years why it's OK for me to dress like a man but not for my son to dress like a woman so thought I'd change it up. If anyone has an answer to my question, btw, I'd be glad to hear it. :D**

**The title is based on Shania Twain's song "Man, I Feel Like a Woman," with the twist for Kanye coz I read an article that said he wears women's clothing. I have no idea coz I kinda don't really know who Kanye is. I've only heard of him. But good for him if he's making people nervous with his apparel choices. :D**

**(PS I just started laughing at what I wrote here because you'd never know from this that I'm actually somewhat conservative. Probably why I don't like stereotypes or labels. :D)**


	7. We Are

**A/N: Another "lighter" story, before we get into all the Maria angst. :) This takes place a short time after "day 6." Title explained at end.  
**

* * *

"What's 'cosplaying?'" Steve asked.

Tony turned to Maria and gave her a look of astonishment.

"Didn't you cover that in the 'Welcome to the 21st Century, Captain Rogers,' class?"

Maria finished the sip of the beer she had already started before answering. The three were in the Avengers' Tower common lounge and Tony was telling them about his plans for an upcoming party. A party he apparently just thought up before he started to tell them.

"I hardly think SHIELD would believe Captain Rogers needed to be informed about how poorly the children and grandchildren of people he fought for use their time," Maria informed him.

"Well, I can certainly see why _you'd_ think that way," Tony said, casting a downward glance at Maria. "But you should let lover boy make his own decisions."

Then he looked between them and Maria prepared herself for yet another snarky comment.

"Unless, of course, you have _that_ type of relationship," he said, pointing first to Steve, then to Maria. "I can totally see you as a."

"I'd shut it if you don't want me to prove it to you." Maria glared.

"Promise?" Tony wiggled his brows at her.

"OK," Steve broke into the conversation, trying to deflate the situation. "I don't think I want to know what you two are talking about, so let's get back to cosplay."

Maria held her words in check and turned back to Steve. He smiled his affable grin at her and she really couldn't deny him at that point.

"Great!" Tony exclaimed, clapping his hands together. "J.A.R.V.I.S., tell Capscicle about cosplay."

"Yes, sir," returned the ethereal voice.

"Cosplay, short for _costume play_, is a performance art in which participants, called _cosplayers_, wear costumes and fashion accessories to represent a specific character or idea that is usually identified with a unique name. Cosplayers often interact to create a subculture centered on role play. A broader use of the term _cosplay _applies to any costumed role play in venues apart from the stage, regardless of the cultural context."

Maria smirked at Stark's reaction, the surprise, then disgust on his face was rather amusing.

He waved his hand in the air.

"Enough," he hollered at the A.I. "I didn't ask you to read the Wikipedia entry."

He turned back to Steve.

"In the case of my party, we wear costumes of super-heroes, cartoon characters, that sort of thing."

"Like kids on Halloween," Steve asked, ostensibly to clarify, but Maria could see the gleam in his eye.

Stark had yet to catch onto Steve's humor, though it had only been a few weeks since Steve had moved in. Until he did, Maria would enjoy the billionaire's underestimation of the super soldier.

"No, it's much more serious than that," Stark told him. "We'll have alcohol and no candy. And you get to see your girlfriend dressed up like Wonder Woman."

He smiled at Steve and told him to think about it, then bade them goodbye and, with a disapproving look at Maria, which she was sure was half-mockery and half-serious, left to "do science," as he proclaimed.

Maria looked at Steve and sighed as she realized there was indeed a costume party in her future.

"It'll be fun, I'm sure," he said as he reached over and took her hand in his.

Maria hesitated. Her options for costumes of this sort were limited. Stark mentioning the Wonder Woman costume drove that home.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Steve asked, then stood and pulled her up into his arms.

She thought about telling him then, about the scars, at least. She tried to assure herself he'd understand. But the part of her that liked to remind her she'd never had anything like this ever go her way kept her silent. Once he knew, she told herself, knew what she really was, he would see that she wasn't what he wanted.

She pulled away and smiled up at him.

"Nothing," she lied. "Stark just makes me a little nervous with his parties. I never know how crazy they're going to get, or _he's_ going to get."

Steve accepted the lie.

* * *

A week later, Maria stepped into the ballroom in Avengers Tower wearing a blue button down shirt with a white tie and white mini-skirt. Her red wig, and the fact that anyone who knew her would know she would never own clothes like this, the only indication she was in costume.

Steve had apparently been watching for her and walked over and leaned down to kiss her.

"You look very nice, Maria," he smiled. "I mean, 'Nami.'"

Maria smiled at him, his green and white costume with a fake sword hanging at his side, were topped off with a green wig.

"Well you make a very handsome 'Zoro,'" she told him.

The two made their way around the party. Steve had let her know that Tony had been going a little nuts, not knowing exactly who Steve was supposed to be. Maria smiled. That had been her intent.

After about 15 minutes, though, Stark came up, dressed as Ironman, Pepper at his side dressed, Maria was fairly certain, like Gretel from Witchhunters, and told them he'd finally figured out who they were.

"No, he didn't," Pepper interjected. "He asked J.A.R.V.I.S. what you two had called each other then he asked J.A.R.V.I.S. to look it up."

"Party pooper," he grumbled to Pepper.

Just then, Bruce walked over dressed as Batman. Maria shook her head.

"Hey, Zoro &amp; Nami," he said. "That's really creative."

Tony stared at Bruce in surprise.

"You know these characters?" He asked.

"Yeah, they're from One Piece," the scientist told him, then said he saw someone he needed to deal with and the group watched him walk over to chat with a guest dressed as the Joker.

Maria smiled. Maybe this hadn't been such a bad idea if it got Bruce slightly out of his shell. Of course, his face was covered with a mask, but Maria supposed baby steps were better than nothing.

In a moment, Clint came over dressed as Green Arrow. Maria shook her head again and wondered if she would find Natasha somewhere dressed as Black Canary.

"Great party, Stark," he said, two beers in his hands, he seemed to be looking for Natasha as well.

He looked back at the group and appeared to size up Steve and Maria.

"Zoro and Nami," he said. "I personally don't ship them, but to each his own."

This earned Clint a gaping look from Tony.

"You," he started, then stopped.

Clint gave him a questioning look.

"I, what?"

"You know this, whatever they're dressed as?"

"Sure," the archer replied. "One Piece. It's anime."

He turned to Pepper and complimented her on her costume, then wandered off in search of Natasha, presumably.

Stark wouldn't stop gaping at the two of them and Pepper excused herself to go speak with a colleague.

Maria felt Natasha's presence before she saw her. She surprised Maria by being dressed as Miss Martian. At least some Avengers had a modicum of creativity.

"Stark," she greeted Tony. "Zoro. Nami."

"What?!" Stark finally lost his cool.

"How does everyone know this thing but me?"

"Well, maybe we should reconsider your "genius" status, Stark," Steve said, hiding a smile behind his drink.

Then everything clicked in Maria's head. She, too, had been as surprised as Tony, though she could hide it better.

When Tony marched off to find Thor, ostensibly to find someone else who had never heard of One Piece, Natasha excused herself with a knowing nod to Steve, then Maria couldn't hold back her laugh. Steve's was equally jovial.

"I can't believe they all went along with that," she told him. "You are so bad sometimes."

"Is that why you like me?" He asked, still laughing. "Because I'm a 'bad boy?'"

Then he leaned down to kiss her.

They were interrupted by Stark's loud exclamation from across the room.

"Impossible!"

They looked over to where Stark was stalking away from Thor and Maria laughed all the more when the demi-god, dressed like someone from Assassin's Creed, shot Steve an obvious wink.

* * *

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed that. One thing I've loved about Maria and Steve becoming my muses is learning more about Steve's sense of humor. Years ago I was a nasty, sarcastic person (and I mean, like you wouldn't have wanted to know me) so I never really appreciated him. Now I find him hilarious, and Tony surprisingly annoying. :D I do downplay Tony's sarcasm in my stories simply because I'm no longer sarcastic, and, honestly, can't remember how to snark like that. :)  
**

**The title is from the original One Piece theme by the same name. Thought it fitting I guess.**

** In other news, I will be leaving for a business trip today and the hotel doesn't have free wifi. I'll try to get to Starbucks each morning (hotel doesn't have decent coffee either) and submit the chapters, but some days it might not be until evening. I also might not be able to reply to comments right away, either. Have a good week.  
**


	8. (Not so) Dedicated Follower of

**A/N: OK, going to get a little more angsty here. Nothing too serious, though.**

**Song title is from the song "Dedicated Follower of Fashion" by The Kinks. A funny song. You should listen to it. :)**

* * *

Maria looked through the rack of dresses quickly. She hated shopping, especially for fancy clothes. She tried to draw comfort from the fact that Pepper had accepted her refusal to be a bridesmaid, at least she could choose her own dress, and no one had to see her change into it. Sure, there were people within SHIELD who knew about her scars, but the women in Pepper's wedding party were not in SHIELD, with the exception of Natasha, and one of them was bound to let something slip which would in turn make it's way to Steve.

Maria paused when she realized she was babbling in her own head. This wedding had her stressed out more than any guest ought to be. But it was more than the wedding. It was the bridal show she'd gone along to in order to keep Natasha company; it was the way everyone kept insinuating that she and Steve would be next; it was the way she caught Steve looking at her on occasion, as if he was thinking the same.

Times like this made Maria wonder why she hadn't already ended things with him. It couldn't go on practically platonic forever, she knew. He was a man with needs, though his patience and self-control were extraordinary. But he wanted everything, and when he got it, he'd want answers, answers he wouldn't like.

A part of her had begun to argue that she was selling Steve short, that he was a man who could know about her past and still love her, still want her. But the part that had lived in the world for over thirty years knew that, even if he could, he deserved better. She'd heard the whispers in the halls at SHIELD. She knew what people thought. What was a great guy like Captain America doing with someone like Maria Hill?

Shaking the thoughts from her head and trying to focus on the task at hand, she continued onto the next rack.

She was still intent on her hunt when she felt a large hand fold over the top of hers. She wasn't alarmed, she knew who it was by the feel and the scent of him. Of all the people she didn't want to see right now.

"Dangerous, sneaking up on me like that," she remarked without turning.

She felt his free hand snake around her waist as he leaned down and kissed the side of her head and she involuntarily relaxed into him. She closed her eyes and remembered that this was the reason she couldn't break it off with him any sooner than she had to. Maria had never had this, his gentleness, his kindness. Her heart was greedy for it. She thought that if she could just have a little more, a few more days of it, when it was over it would be more bearable. She'd have these memories to get her through.

Finally, she turned into his embrace.

"I thought you had work to do," she said.

"It was boring," he told her. "I finished in record time."

"Well, I'll see just how well you did when I get back," she smiled.

Steve leaned down and whispered in her ear.

"Can't we just play hooky the rest of the day?"

Maria pulled back and gave him a dubious look.

"Who are you and what have you done with Steve Rogers?"

Steve only laughed.

"You just seemed so stressed, I thought maybe we could take a ride," he suggested. "You can shop for the wedding later."

Maria shook her head.

"The sooner I find a dress, the sooner I don't have to shop."

Steve nodded in understanding.

"Then let's go to a store Pepper recommended," he told her.

Maria shook her head adamantly.

"I heard where she recommended," she said. "I don't have that kind of money."

"I have," he said.

"No," Maria retorted in a firm voice.

"Maria, I," Steve stopped as he noticed the other patrons.

He took her hand and led her from the store where he continued the conversation in hushed tones.

"I have tons of money just sitting in the bank doing nothing," he said. "I can buy my girl a dress."

Maria was about to say something about being seen as a charity case, if not something about him referring to her as "his girl," when she realized where he was coming from. The way he had worded his entreaty gave it away. Like her, he had known poverty and hunger. Now he had money just sitting around and no need for anything. If it had been reversed, she'd probably think the same.

"OK," she said. "But just this once."

Steve gave her a look that told Maria she was wrong, again. But she followed him to his bike.

"We'll come back for your car," he said as he handed her her helmet.

"What if I find a dress?" She asked.

"They deliver it," he said.

She would have gaped at him but he was already on his bike, waiting for her. She didn't want to know how much extra delivery was.

At the store, they were greeted by a well-dressed, polite woman around Maria's age.

"What can I help you find today?" She asked.

Maria was honestly surprised. Though she wasn't dressed in her SHIELD uniform, her clothing was obviously not of the quality the usual clientele would wear. And the woman had only glanced at Steve, she wasn't trying to get into his personal space as most women did.

"I need a dress for a friend's wedding," she said, starting to relax a little.

"When will the wedding occur?" the woman asked.

"August," Maria replied.

The woman led them to the right side of the store.

"Daytime or evening?"

"Evening,"

Now she led them to a section with long gowns.

"We have quite a collection still, even though August is almost here," she informed them. "Do you like sleeves or no?"

"Sleeves, and, um," Maria paused a moment. "I prefer something rather modest."

"Of course," the woman smiled, as if Maria's request was perfectly normal, and started to search through the dresses.

"I have several different colors and styles," she said, then hung several up on some hooks nearby for Maria to look at. The bright colors were nixed from Maria's mind before she bothered to look at them further.

"Maybe something a little more muted?" Maria told her.

"Of course," she replied with another smile.

She returned the dresses and pulled out several taupe and light pink ones.

Maria nodded her head. These were much better.

"I'll put these in the room and you can try them on," the woman moved the dresses over to a changing room. "Let me know if you require any assistance."

Maria walked into the room and closed the door. She heard the assistant offer Steve a seat and ask him if he'd like anything to drink. But she didn't sound flirtatious in the slightest. It made it easier for Maria to think about which dress she should get. She knew she was being selfish. Considering how things would end between the two of them, she shouldn't be jealous of the attention other women paid him.

Shaking those thoughts from her head, Maria held the dresses up to see which one she preferred. She hated shopping and, therefore, was extremely efficient at it. She knew what looked good on her but today she was nervous, wanting Steve to like it if only for the approving look he would give. One more thing to store up for when things inevitably crashed and burned.

Angry at herself for her circular thoughts, Maria decided just to start with the dress she liked best. It was taupe, with cap sleeves and a high back. The lace design softened the lines, and the flared skirt would make it easier for dancing, and Steve had promised they'd dance a lot. She slid it up over her legs, then reached for the zipper in the back once she'd pushed her arms into the sleeves. Looking at herself in the mirror, she knew it was perfect for her.

When she opened the door, the attendant was waiting unobtrusively to the side while Steve drank from a water bottle in an armed side chair. When he saw her, he stood and slid his gaze over her slowly and Maria felt herself grow warm.

"You look," Steve stopped and swallowed, his voice was hushed as if he was in awe.

"You're beautiful," he continued. "The dress is perfect."

As he continued to gaze at her, Maria tried not to interpret the longing she saw in his eyes. He didn't know yet that he was too good for her. He still thought of her highly, too highly in Maria's opinion.

Something must have shown on her face, and he softened his into a smile.

"I think we have the perfect dress," he told the attendant.

"Let's wrap it up and go for that ride," he said as he turned back to Maria.

As they crossed the George Washington Bridge and headed to Palisades Interstate Park, Maria kept her arms wrapped tightly around Steve. She allowed herself to relax and store up one more memory.

* * *

**A/N: Yeah, I don't think I have any more to say. :)**


	9. Me and My Gang

**A/N: Another lame title, sorry. It's from the Rascal Flatts song.  
**

**OK, the dreaded break-up is nearing. Just so you recall, or know if you haven't read it before, the break-up happens in December, before Christmas. This story is on Thanksgiving.**

**Thanks for all the reviews and faves and follows. Still on my trip so I will reply to reviews when I get home. Not a lot of time right now.**

* * *

Thanksgiving dinner at the Tower had been a far more pleasant event than Maria had expected. Most of the guests were part of the Avengers, or connected to them in some way, so there hadn't been too many instances where Maria found herself feeling like a fish out of water, until now.

"Wait until you and Steve get married, Maria," Pepper was explaining. "I swear, the first thing out of the mouths of people when you get back from the honeymoon is, 'So, when are you having a baby?'"

Pepper groaned in frustration and Maria hoped she hadn't blanched. Glancing over to Natasha, however, confirmed she'd let something show. Fortunately, Pepper wasn't as highly trained as Natasha so she seemed to have missed Maria's discomfort. She picked her glass up to cover, just in case, but found it empty.

"Let me get you another drink," Pepper offered.

The strawberry-blonde took the glass from Maria and walked back to the bar. Maria avoided Natasha's gaze, though she felt the woman's eyes boring into her. She wondered exactly how much Natasha knew. Was she aware what Maria had been contemplating the past few months? Had Clint ever told his partner things Maria had once told him in confidence. She suddenly found herself more terrified of the Black Widow than when Natasha had first been brought into SHIELD.

The guys returned then and their presence put an end to "girl talk," to Maria's great relief.

The rest of the evening went smoothly. The group chatted about as many non-SHIELD, non-Avengers related things as possible. That had been Tony's idea, surprisingly. Steve had told her that he was beginning to think Tony might yet be a good leader for the group. She knew that brought a sense of relief, because he didn't want to lead the Avengers forever.

After pie, they went down to the newly installed bowling alley on the games level. The group felt more like just a bunch of friends out for an enjoyable evening, not super heroes and spies setting aside their usual lives for a few moments of respite.

Maria enjoyed it, mostly. The camaraderie was nice; the competition still high, which she loved. But Pepper's words gnawed at her and refused to let go.

She watched Steve bowl another strike, on his way to yet another 300 game. Then laughed as Tony grumbled about the unfair advantage of the serum, and Pepper reminded him that if he hadn't had so much to drink, maybe he'd get more than gutter balls.

She sat down on the bench next to Jasper and waited her turn as she tried to suppress her growing turmoil. He turned to her shortly.

"What's wrong?" he asked quietly.

She laughed. They'd been friends too long. She should have sat next to Pepper or one of her friends.

"Nothing that we're supposed to mention," she said, making it sound like SHIELD business.

Jasper didn't look like he believed her, but it was her turn to bowl so he said nothing.

She was glad for the privacy of the Tower tonight. She didn't have to go out in public and be reminded, on this family holiday, that, even if she married Steve, and she knew that was never going to happen, that if people asked her that other question, her answer would have to be 'never.'

Maria tried to focus on the lane, but as soon as the ball hit, she knew it wasn't going to do much damage. She heard her team grouse, and Tony cheer, as only three pins fell. On her second turn, she knocked down only two.

"If I didn't know better I'd say you were sandbagging," Clint grumbled to her as he waited to bowl next.

She only grimaced at him, but his eyes showed he felt the chastisement she meant.

She sat next to Steve as she waited again. When he put his arm around her and kissed the top of her head, she felt horrible. Her attitude was going to ruin the evening for everyone if she didn't get a handle on it now.

Turning to him, she smiled.

"Everything OK?" He leaned down and asked quietly in her ear.

She nodded, then she pulled on her best mask and the rest of the evening was far better. She'd even convinced herself by the end that everything was really as good as it looked on the outside.

Later, Steve walked with her to her car in the underground parking garage. He pulled her into his arms and held her. Maria cursed herself for being so obvious with her feelings earlier. She knew what would come next.

"What was bothering you earlier?" He asked.

"Just work stuff," she lied.

He chuckled.

"You're more of a workaholic than Fury," he said.

"I doubt it. He's working today," she reminded him.

As she drove home she was fine until she pulled into her neighborhood. The Christmas trees were lit in some of the front apartments and she could see families walking down the steps to say goodbye to guests, or to leave and return home. Each child was a reminder of what she could never give Steve, something he deserved after so much loss. She had been so selfish to take from Steve so much, always knowing she could never give him that.

She didn't know how, but she had to find a way to extract herself from their relationship, stop allowing her feelings for him to circumvent what needed to be done, she needed to end what she never should have allowed to even start.


	10. My own worst enemy

**A/N: Title from my favorite Pink song, Story of My Life. Oh, wait, no, that's just my description of "Don't Let Me Get Me." :D And it's only partially the story of my life. I don't think I ever dated a teacher. hehe.**

**OK, last of the Maria stories for now, and last of her angst...also, for now. :) They're off to my favorite place in the world, the library. This takes place on the day after Thanksgiving.  
**

**Please recall that this is my headverse and I established Steve's preference for books over the internet before I saw CA:TWS.**

* * *

It was no secret that Steve Rogers preferred books to the Internet. It was also no secret that Maria Hill preferred books to people; actually, most were certain she preferred almost anything to people. So it would be no surprise to anyone who knew them that a perfectly acceptable alternative to the online shopping and crowded malls of the holiday season, was time spent at the library. What might have been slightly surprising was that the two of them had somehow ended up roped into reading to a group of children.

It started innocently enough. Steve, feeling nostalgic, was looking for a book his mother had read to him as a child. Maria had researched and found it at the New York City Library, so the couple ventured down to the historic building the day after Thanksgiving. Locating the book in the children's section, Steve and Maria sat together off to the side, and he began to read quietly to her.

_"This is the story of the different ways we looked for treasure, and I think when you have read it you will see that we were not lazy about the looking."*_

Slowly, as he read, children started to come and sit near them. Maria could certainly understand why. Steve read aloud like he did everything else, with every part of him. Even though he'd not tried to draw attention to himself, his vocals and mannerisms as he read were hard to ignore. He had a different voice for each character and Oswald, Dicky, Alice, and the others, all became real to those who were listening.

At the end of the first chapter, he closed the book and a little boy pushed another into his hands. Maria smiled as Steve opened the book and began.

_"On a shiny green leaf sat a small green chameleon."**_

And so it went the rest of the morning. Lovesick mermaids and shipwrecked families, dogs who drove cars and cats who wore hats. The children came and went, while the parents sat with bemused looks on their faces and reminders to tell the nice man thank you. Twin girls thanked them with their yellow tiger ears, which Steve seemed to wear proudly so Maria thought it couldn't hurt to join him.

She watched as Steve was unusually unembarrassed by the attention. He laughed and sang and screeched and growled to the delight of the children. And Maria went along with it all. No one could to tell that inside she was slowly dying, the reality of one more reason she wasn't good enough for Steve right here, in her face.

He seemed so comfortable in the midst of these smiling children and happy families. This was what he knew, what life had been like for him. This was what life should be like for him. This was what Maria could never give him. After the previous night, it was as if she was being sent a strong message.

When SHIELD called her in, Steve used it as an excuse for them both to leave. But his smile lasted through the subway ride to headquarters and hadn't subsided by the time she went to meet him for dinner in the cafeteria. As she watched from the door she laughed silently because he was still wearing the tiger ears and sharing the story of their morning. She felt the tension of her fears slowly melting away at the happiness on his face.

Then she heard two women who were sitting at a table near the door and watching with interest Steve's stories to those at his table.

"Too bad he's infatuated with Hill," one said.

"No kidding," the other replied. "Can you imagine Agent Chill as a mother?"

"Oh, that's a nightmarish thought," the one returned. "Those poor kids."

"Well, right now it's only 'poor Captain America,'" she said. "What does he see in her anyway?"

"Opposites attract?" The one said, then they both broke out in giggles.

"Well, you can't get much more opposite than good and evil," the other replied.

Maria quietly opened the door and walked back into the hallway. Taking a deep breath, she pulled on the mask she had perfected long before SHIELD recruited her, then walked steadily and purposefully back to her office.

Sitting down at her desk she thought on those last words. They were true in so many ways. Steve was good. He was pure and right and noble and just. Maria was the opposite. She was dark and secretive, working for an organization that often weaved lies for no other reason than to justify its own existence.

She'd been putting the dots together for a while now, since before the invasion. But the more clear the picture became, the foggier the details. Daily, the number of people she could trust at SHIELD was shrinking. And while she knew she would always trust Steve, she also knew that if she was ever able to figure out what was going on, he wouldn't be able to trust her again.

There was a knock at her door and Steve stepped in after she summoned.

She smiled an honestly weary smile at him.

"What happened to dinner?" He asked as he stepped over and leaned down to kiss her.

Maria savored his lips and stored away the sound of his concern for her. She knew it wouldn't be long before she would have them no more.

He sat back on the edge of her desk and took her hand.

"I got caught up in work, again," she lied. "I'm sorry."

"I wish you'd been there," he grinned and a blush crept up his neck. "You might have pointed out I was still wearing those ears."

They laughed together and Maria felt a twinge of self-pity knowing how soon this would all end.

"Let's get you something to eat," he said.

"I have to leave in the morning," she said.

He looked disappointed but he didn't ask where. He knew better. She'd have told him if she could, or so he thought. And Maria pushed aside the guilt at yet another lie.

"You can at least eat, right?" He asked. "Or should I call the director to see if he's denied you sustenance."

Maria laughed at that, but, in truth, she couldn't have him mentioning this to Fury at all. So she shook her head and stood, and picked up her jacket as she followed him out of the room.

He took her hand in his and Maria allowed herself this moment to enjoy his strength and kindness one more time.

_*The Story of the Treasure Seekers by E Nesbit._

_**The Mixed-up Chameleon by Eric Carle._

* * *

**A/N: Just a heads up, I won't be dealing with the break-up in this series. I already dealt with it in "Bad Seeds." If you want to read that between this story and the next, you'll get more Maria angst. :D  
**


	11. Ain't Missing You

**A/N: This is the only story that occurs during the break-up. This one is from Tony's POV. Honestly, this is one of my faves. I still laugh when I read it. :) But it has just enough angst to keep people really happy. ;)  
**

**Title from the John Waite song**

* * *

Tony, on Valentine's morning, awoke to J.A.R.V.I.S. speaking to him and Pepper needling his side.

"Captain Rogers requests your presence in his quarters," the A.I. was saying.

He turned groggily to admonish Pepper to stop poking him, and when he looked at her he found himself jolted awake.

"What the hell are you wearing?" he asked, eyes wide in surprise.

Pepper gave him an angry look then rolled her eyes.

"As if you don't know," she snapped at him.

"Honestly, I haven't a clue," he said then sat up in their bed.

When the sheets fell off him his eyes opened wider, if that was possible.

"What the hell?" he gasped.

Pepper crossed her arms.

"You really had no idea?" she said, but Tony was relieved that she seemed to finally believe him.

Stumbling out of the bed, Tony walked over to the mirror. He squeezed his eyes shut, as if it was possible to see something different when he opened them.

No. He was still dressed in some sort of animal pajamas. He turned to Pepper, dressed in the same pajamas.

"Well, at least we're foxes," he told her, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"So who put us in kigurumis?" she asked.

"Is that what these are?"

Pepper nodded.

"J.A.R.V.I.S., who did this?" he asked to the air.

"No person," the A.I. replied. "At 5am, there was an unusual power surge surrounding this area. I presume that was when the change occurred."

"Anyone else affected?" Tony asked.

"As everyone was in their private quarters," J.A.R.V.I.S. said. "I am not able to assess."

Tony began to undress as he grumbled.

"Captain Rogers is still requesting your presence," J.A.R.V.I.S. interrupted his thoughts.

"In his quarters, yeah, I remember," Tony groused. "Gotta change first."

Several minutes later, Tony stepped out of the lift and into Steve Rogers' living room. He was met by an unusually grumpy super soldier.

"This isn't funny," Steve barked at him.

It was quickly obvious Steve was extremely angry with him, and Tony assumed it was directly related to the animal pajamas the man held in his hand.

"So, you're a tiger?" Stark asked.

"What did you do, Tony?"

He was surprised at the threat in Steve's voice, unsure why something this simple would set the man off.

"You promised when I agreed to move in that I would have complete privacy, that no one would have access to my quarters without my permission," Steve's voice didn't grow louder, but the threat in it was more ominous, and now that Tony understood the reason for it, he could see why this would anger Steve so greatly.

Deciding that now, while Steve was obviously comparing this incident with his lack of privacy from SHIELD, was not the time for jokes, Tony simply explained what happened.

Steve relaxed noticeably as he did, so Tony did as well.

"I'm sorry it happened," Tony told him. "JARVIS is trying to figure what the power surge was, and now that I know it wasn't just Pepper and myself, I'll go talk to the others."

"Stark, I'm sorry I assumed," Steve started, but Tony interrupted him with a wave of his hand.

"Don't worry about it," he said. "After the way SHIELD treated you, I can imagine what you were thinking, and why."

Tony left with Steve's tiger kigurumi to check on the rest of the inhabitants of the tower. Natasha had awoken in a purple dragon kigurumi, which she handed him. It had horns on the head and wings on its back. Tony wondered if there was a significance to each outfit. But he had to check on Bruce, first, who, it turned out, had slept in the lab.

Bruce assured him that he'd awoken in his own clothing, which Tony knew he could easily verify with the security cameras. Leaving the two outfits he'd collected so far, he went up to speak with Clint.

"This wasn't you, Stark?" The archer asked, laughing slightly as he handed Tony a purple dragon kigurumi.

As Tony looked between the outfit and Barton, he decided it was better not to say anything about what Natasha woke in.

He returned to the lab and tried to get to work. The power levels were odd, and they actually didn't make any human sense at all. He and Bruce talked it out for a while before Bruce finally had a thought that would help.

"Remember that crazy guy we brought in last week?" He asked.

"Yeah, that guy saying he was some sort of master illusionist,"

"Well, he did turn the Eiffel Tower into a redwood tree," Bruce reminded him.

"I wonder if they've had any success changing it back?" Tony pondered.

"Maybe he did this," Bruce suggested.

"What, put a curse or something on us?"

"It's always possible," Bruce shrugged. "And it is Valentine's Day, so."

Bruce left the comment hanging and Tony looked at the five kigurumi laid out on the table next to them. He and Pepper had matching, as, to his surprise, did Natahsa and Clint.

"I thought they were just friends," Tony muttered.

"Probably are," Bruce commented. "Doesn't mean they both don't want more."

Tony stared at the purple dragons thoughtfully for several minutes before moving on to the tiger, the only unmatched outfit.

"You didn't awaken in one of these," he said absently to Bruce. "But Steve did."

He looked back at Bruce.

"I don't get that," Tony said. "Do you think Steve has already moved on? It's only been two months since Maria dumped him."

Bruce gave Tony a meaningful look.

"Maybe neither of them has," he said.

"Oh, come on," Tony spat out in disgust. "She hates the guy."

Bruce said nothing while Tony allowed himself several minutes to seethe in the anger the mere thought of Maria Hill caused. The whole time she'd probably been leading Steve along, watching him for SHIELD. Only they hadn't pulled her off the job soon enough and Steve had gone and fallen in love with her. Tony hated that even he, though he had his misgivings, had honestly thought Maria's feelings for Steve were genuine. It had taken a marriage proposal to prove Maria's true colors.

"You going to check?" Bruce interrupted his dark thoughts.

"As if the Iron Maiden would ever divulge that information to me," Stark scoffed.

Bruce only looked at him.

"Still," Tony thought aloud. "If she was at SHIELD this morning."

He turned to his computer to see if he could figure out if and when Maria had been anywhere he might be able to catch what had happened. She wasn't on duty until six that morning, but Bruce suggest they check the security camera footage outside Maria's office during the 5 o'clock hour.

Tony looked at him, a question on his face.

"Sometimes she sleeps in her office," Bruce shrugged.

As Tony turned back to his computer he recalled that, while most people chastised Bruce for getting so caught up in his work he often fell asleep in his lab, Maria never had. Tony pushed back the sympathy his mind attempted to give Agent Hill, then scanned the security footage.

At around 5:30, they saw someone walking down the hall. They stopped the fast forward and realized it was Jasper Sitwell. He was carrying a knapsack and he stopped at Maria's office door and knocked. The door opened a crack and a bare arm darted out and grabbed the bag from Japser's hands. A moment later, the arm pushed back out, this time holding a bundle which was shoved into Jasper's arms.

Agent Sitwell said something, probably to Maria. Then the door shut and Jasper unfolded the cloth bundle to look at it.

Tony heard Bruce hum in interest beside him. And Tony couldn't help but admit to himself that he, too, was intrigued.

Jasper was staring at a yellow and white tiger kigurumi, identical to Steve's.

Deciding it would only hurt and confuse Steve if he knew about Maria's involvement in the incident, Tony and Bruce decided to say nothing for now. Later, as they gathered in the common lounge and Tony tried to explain, partially, what happened, Clint asked the question he'd forgot to prepare an answer for.

"So, what were you, Bruce?"

Tony covered his concern with the glass he'd been bringing to his mouth but, fortunately, Bruce didn't skip a beat.

Laughing he told the group, "A pink Hello Kitty."


	12. Electric Dreams

**A/N: This story occurs shortly after returning from Milan, post-engagement. JARVIS POV.**

**Title is from an old Human League song, which was a theme for an 80s movie of the same title.**

* * *

"I think what was really killing me the whole time, the part that was wearing me down, was the fact that I knew I was lying about you, about the kind of person you are. I tried to justify it with a long list of excuses, but they were all lies. And because of the way I feel about you, I hated myself for it. I didn't want you to come after me, to waste your time on me, but I don't know what would have happened of you hadn't."

JARVIS "heard" SHIELD Deputy Director Maria Hill's words as she leaned back into Captain Steve Rogers' embrace. But JARVIS was in sleep mode, waiting to be summoned if the occupants of the media room had need of him, so he did not record it.

The two were sitting on the floor in front of the sofa in that media room, having recently returned from what sounded like a rather horrific trip to Europe. Though JARVIS had learned shortly after Sir took on the Iron Man persona, that "horrific" was often relative to people such as the Lieutenant and the Captain.

"Well, then, I'm glad I took Tony's advice," the Captain replied.

If the soldier had bothered to ask the AI, JARVIS would have warned him to never invoke Sir's name with the Lieutenant. The AI had learned early on, though fortunately he'd never been asked, that Maria Hill was no fan of Sir. When he was mentioned, Maria's heart rate, among other things, indicated increased negative feelings. When Sir was in her presence, the pressure intensified.

And, true to history, JARVIS registered increased tension levels in Lieutenant Hill. As always, she tried to suppress it, but JARVIS noted she didn't try quite as hard this time, a development he found intriguing.

"What," the Lieutenant paused, perhaps to rethink what she was about to ask Captain Rogers.

After a moment, she continued, with a sigh.

"I'm not sure I want an answer, but, what does Stark have to do with this?"

This time, Captain Rogers took his time in answering. When he did, JARVIS, if he wasn't an AI, but a human, would have described himself as confused.

"I just asked him for some advice, that's all."

Prior to the period of time Sir referred to now as "the break-up," Maria Hill was nothing if not secretive about her thoughts and feelings. JARVIS had noted innumerable instances where Captain Rogers asked her a question of a personal nature, and JARVIS knew from physical indicators that she had lied in response. In all that time, the AI had never known Captain Rogers to lie about anything. However, considering what JARVIS knew of the circumstances surrounding Sir's advice to the Captain, he had to believe that the Captain was acting with great prudence. If the Lieutenant were to find out what Sir had done, JARVIS suspected getting hacked would be the least of his own concerns.

The Lieutenant turned slightly to look up at Captain Rogers and smiled.

"I guess he can't be wrong all of the time," she said.

Captain Rogers leaned down his face to cover her lips with his. This was an act with which JARVIS was very familiar. Though, as regarding this couple, not as much. There had been times before "the break-up" when Captain Rogers and the Lieutenant would watch a movie and end up "making out," as it was termed; though JARVIS could not understand what the words had to do with the action of prolonged kissing. But they were few, as both members of the couple seemed to him to be very private people, unlike Sir.

This evening, JARVIS noted that this so-called "make out session" was indeed different from the precious ones. Formerly, Captain Rogers and the Lieutenant were measures of restraint. While they seemed, as most humans did, to enjoy "making out," it was not quite the pheromone event it was when Sir accosted (as she sometimes termed his action) Ms. Potts. Now, JARVIS noted a distinct change in both the couple. Yet another thing that intrigued him.

There was a difference in the physicality and the chemical reaction each had to it. Whereas, formerly, both had held back with ease, now each seemed to desire more, and, it appeared to JARVIS, that if either were to make one of the moves Sir or Ms. Potts often made in these circumstances, he might be forced out of sleep mode to suggest they lock the media room door for the sake of privacy.

After a quite unusual length of time for the couple, they began to slow their ministrations and with a great deal of gasping for breath, they rested their foreheads together then smiled.

Then something occurred that, if he was human, would have completely surprised JARVIS.

"I love you," the Lieutenant said.

"I love you, too," Captain Rogers replied, then he slowly stood and held out his hand to help her up off the floor.

If JARVIS were a human, and not a program, he thought he would have smiled as he watched them walk from the room.

* * *

**A/N: Last day on the road. Hope to start catching up on e-mail and replying to comments tomorrow in the late morning while waiting for my kids at their EC's. Not at home, where I will be catching up on four people's week's worth of laundry. :)**

**Also, almost done with the next chapter of the HIMYM/Avengers crossover. My Beta (who is starting to become an Alpha, as well) is helping me make it more funny. :D**


	13. Hard to Love

**A/N: Thanks so much for all the faves, and follows, and comments. I really appreciate them. **

**So Day 13 is from Natasha's POV. The title is from the Lee Brice song. Lyrics mostly fit. :)**

* * *

Natasha covertly watched the couple across the room. To the ordinary person, a pair of young lovers sharing a bowl of ice cream on a hot summer's day would not seem threatening at all. But Natasha knew better. Anyone was a potential threat. This couple in particular posed a serious danger, at least they did to Natasha.

It wasn't long ago that watching Steve and Maria together did nothing to Natasha more than make her want to roll her eyes. It was doomed from the start, she had figured. Like herself, Maria was incapable of any feeling resembling romantic love. So, when Maria had unceremoniously dumped Steve after he'd proposed to her, Natasha was the only person not even partially surprised.

It had been a relief, in some ways. An excuse to push aside all those questions she'd had about her feelings for a certain archer since New York. Since it had become apparent to her that somehow, despite her personal opposition to such things, she had developed feelings that she couldn't begin to understand.

Steve was smiling at Maria now, laughing about something. He leaned over and kissed her on the corner of her mouth. Natasha realized he was kissing her to lick a bit of ice cream off her face. She felt uncommonly embarrassed by the action, as if she was behaving like a voyuer. But she couldn't turn her eyes away, because, when Steve pulled back, the look on his face brought to mind a time, years ago, when Clint had looked at her the same.

It had meant nothing to her. She'd owed him a debt and she repaid him the only way she knew. But for Clint it had meant something. She had ignored all the warning signs, however, reasoning that since most men she'd known in her life had been liars about this, Clint was as well.

The couple's words were drifting to her ears now. She wanted to shut them out, wanted to continue to believe that people like her couldn't change. Wanted to believe that Clint could do better for himself and he should move on, stop carrying his torch for her. But if Captain America could forgive and love the likes of Maria Hill, why couldn't Clint do the same for her?

Natasha finally closed her eyes and turned away. These thoughts were useless. She was too damaged to ever have what Steve and Maria had, even with Clint.

"I love you."

Maria's hushed declaration to Steve made its way to Natasha's ears and truly surprised her. Those weren't words she ever expected Maria to say. But she glanced over and could see Steve smiling, touching Maria's face, returning her declaration of love.

Something that was a mix of self-pity and self-hatred twisted in the assassin's gut. She couldn't recall her parents well enough to remember the words from their lips. And everyone who had said them since had only been lying to or manipulating her. Except one, her traitorous mind forced her to recall.

_"I love you," Clint said. _

_He'd never said that before. It had been two years since he'd saved her, one and a half since they'd become partners in bed as well as on the field. He'd never said anything so foolish. _

_Natasha had laughed, thinking it was some sort of twisted joke, but she saw the hurt he let hang on his face. _

_"You're not joking, are you?" She asked, astonished at the turn of events. _

_He cautiously shook his head and she knew he realized immediately that she did not share his feelings. _

_"Love is for children," she said, and leveled a cold look at him. _

_"Natasha," he was going to try to reason with her, she assumed, so she quickly cut him off._

_"No," she said. "I don't know how you could have thought there was more to this."_

_Clint didn't reply, but the look in his eyes told her she'd hurt him deeply. At the time she hadn't cared, she'd thought Clint a fool for even having feelings. He was a soft American, she reasoned with herself. _

_"It was just sex," she told him. "I owe you for saving me, for giving me an out from my former life."_

_He shook his head at her. _

_"It doesn't have to be that way for you anymore," he said, in his voice she heard emotions she didn't know how to process. _

They had argued and things had escalated quickly. It ended with Clint breaking off their physical relationship, and Natasha attempting to break off their professional one. Coulson would have none of the latter. He allowed them separate missions as he had in the past but he wouldn't allow her to dictate with whom she would work.

It took a year or more for them to re-build a workable relationship, then more to build a friendship. And Natasha found herself comfortable in that. At least until she received Coulson's call that night in Russia. In one moment, her whole world turned on its head and, since then, Natasha had felt her feelings for Clint spiraling out of control.

A movement broke her from her reverie and she watched as Steve and Maria stood from the table and walked back over to the kitchen. They continued to converse as Steve washed the bowl and spoons and Maria took each from his hand to dry, fingers lingering to touch longer than necessary. Steve leaned down to kiss Maria in what previously had been an unusual public display of affection. Since they'd made up in Austria, however, these moments, at least when they weren't at SHIELD, were becoming more common.

"You taste like caramel," Steve told Maria, and Maria, to Natasha's surprise, blushed.

Then he took her hand and they headed to the elevator. As the doors opened they both said "good-bye" to Natasha and she watched them enter, then she was alone.

She stared at the closed doors trying to regain control of the feelings that felt ready to pour out. She was getting soft, she thought. How could she function in the field with these sorts of feelings? She tried to ignore the knowledge that many of her fellow SHIELD agents did so every day without it affecting their performance. In fact, a good argument could be made that Steve and Maria did better when they were involved than they had when they were not.

The bell indicating an arrival in the lift dinged seconds before the doors slid open to reveal Clint. It was as if her darkest fears had summoned him, Natasha thought, and she knew something had shown on her face because Clint strode quickly across the room toward her, a concerned look on his face.

"Tasha, what's wrong?"

She was on her feet before he reached her and had pulled her mask back down to cover her emotions.

"Nothing," she said, but strangely found herself unable to say more as she walked to the elevator.

He didn't press, he never did. His patience in the field was legendary, but Natasha doubted anyone within SHIELD, or even the Avengers, knew how patient he truly was. He was waiting for her. Waiting for something he couldn't have, because it didn't exist. It couldn't. The Black Widow was aptly named, she could never give love, because she didn't have it in her to love. But as she looked at him through falsely cold eyes before the doors slid shut she wondered if that wasn't the very feeling she had, the one that she couldn't understand. The look on his face made her want that to be true.

* * *

**A/N: Just a brief note about my WiP's. OK, I have a story due Monday for AvengersFest. It's pretty much done, just need to polish it up a bit. Of course, I don't think I can reveal which one is mine for a few more weeks so... (Never done one of these before, better go read the rules...for the hundredth time. lol) Talked about my HIMYM/Avengers cross-over yesterday, status is the same. And "Happiness Is..." my ongoing colab with Bella (aka gustin-puckerman) over at AO3 should have a new chapter by me by Friday. Just need to get back into the swing of home life after a week on the road.**

**Have a great Saturday. :)**


	14. No Ordinary Kids

**A/N: Honestly, this was the most difficult thing to come up with an idea for. I did have trouble with day 9, but not like this one. Fortunately, I have all these kids lying around here so I decided to put them to use and have them come up with an idea for me. :) Seriously, though, if it weren't for my kids, I don't know what I would have written, probably some boring scientific piece. ;) My oldest used to watch Ben 10 as a kid so we have several videos and, currently, my youngest, who is autistic, is obsessed (no one obsesses like an autistic, I swear) with it so we've been watching it again. Which is why child #3 thought the episode "A Change of Face" from Season 3 of the first series might help me. And I hope you think it did. Child #3 has also decided he should expand on this story line and if he ever does I'll have him post it at AO3.**

**Title taken from the theme song from Ben 10.**

* * *

"I can't believe this," 10-year-old Gwen Tennyson grumbled. "All I wanted to do was walk through Central Park."

She muttered her words of magic then sent a blast at Hex as beside her, her cousin Ben, the same age, turned the dial on the Omnitrix to choose an alien.

"Going hero."

Gwen heard Ben yell as he slammed his hand down on the device. This was followed by a flash of light. Out of the corner of her eye, Gwen saw that Ben had transformed into the giant, crystalline creature, Diamonhead.

Ben immediately shot a spray of diamond shards toward Hex and the sorcerer's niece, Charmcaster. The latter raised her hands and, with an incantation, turned the shards around and they headed straight toward Gwen.

Gwen raised her hands and quickly thought of a protection spell, but before she could utter one word, something collided with her and she was flying through the air. She realized someone's arms were wrapped around her and, before the two hit the ground, the other person shifted to take the brunt of the fall.

Her first thought was that it was her grandfather, but Gwen had never seen him move that fast. The person was moving them into a sitting position.

"Who are those people and what is going on?"

It was a man's voice and when Gwen turned toward him she thought briefly that his blond hair and blue eyes were familiar. But she couldn't place him so she shook the thought from her head.

"Hex and Charmcaster," she told him. "They want my cousin's Omnitrix."

She was about to explain the "watch" her cousin wore when the man guessed for himself.

"The thing that turned him into that creature?" he asked.

Gwen nodded.

"Steve!"

They both turned in the direction of the woman's scream.

Gwen saw a tall brunette, ducked behind the cover of a large round shield. Gwen looked up at her rescuer and back at the shield.

"You're Captain America," she gasped.

He only nodded, then grimaced as the woman with his shield was blasted backwards by one of Hex's spells. The he turned back to Gwen.

"You two handle the girl," he glanced over to where Ben was battling Chamcaster. "We'll take the guy with the ugly face."

Gwen nodded, relieved he didn't say something like, "Stay here and let the grown-ups handle it."

She watched Captain America run quickly to where the woman was trying to fight Hex, then Gwen ran to help Ben.

In a moment, though she thought maybe she should have suggested a different plan as Charmcaster had isolated them and contained them in her magic orbs. The sorceress placed one around herself then pushed Gwen's to the side to begin the spell that would make her trade places with Ben in order to gain control of the Omnitrix.

To her right, Gwen heard and saw some type of explosion, she suspected from a spell Hex had cast while battling Captain America and the woman who was with him. But she was too focused on trying to figure out a way to stop Charmcaster so she couldn't pay close attention to the other battle.

Gwen held her breath as she heard the final words of the incantation that would fulfill Charmcaster's desire. But just as the last word was falling from her mouth, Gwen saw two bodies fly across her view and into the orbs, displacing Ben and Charmcaster as the power of the spell took effect.

The orbs vanished and Gwen dropped to the ground. She looked up in time to see Hex fly over and grab a now screaming Charmcaster.

"Uncle Hex! You ruined everything."

But Hex only took her up and spirited her away.

Gwen watched as Diamonhead returned to the form of Ben and they both turned to look at the two adults on the ground who had come to their aid.

"Who are they?" Ben asked as he walked up to her.

Gwen looked at him, her worry had to be evident.

"They _were_ Captain America and his girlfriend, I think," she said, and they both turned back to the couple.

A large blonde woman sat on the ground, shaking her head and looked over at a tall, but slender, brunette man.

"We are in _so_ much trouble," Ben said.

* * *

Gwen sat on the very nice sofa in the Avengers Tower, wedged between her grandfather and cousin. On another sofa sat a woman who had been Steve Rogers, aka Captain America, and a man who had been someone by the name of Lieutenant Maria Hill. Or, Gwen supposed they still were those people, only not exactly.

"I'm still confused," a man's voice broke into her thoughts.

Gwen looked up at Clint Barton, aka Hawkeye, and saw a bemused look on his face.

"Yeah, can we run through that, again?" another man chimed in.

Gwen looked over at Dr. Bruce Banner, aka The Hulk. She figured she should be relieved at the grin he was trying to hide. At least he thought this was funny. Gwen suspected she wouldn't have liked it very much if he didn't.

"I just want to know how we're going to fix this," the strawberry blonde, apparently the only person living at the tower who was alone known by her own name, Pepper Potts, said.

"And how we're going to keep SHIELD from finding out," Tony Stark, aka Ironman, said from a stool at the bar.

"I can handle SHIELD," Gwen's grandfather spoke up.

Everyone turned to look at him, some with their mouths slightly agape in surprise.

"You can handle SHIELD?" Mr. Stark asked, and Gwen couldn't blame him for being skeptical.

But her grandfather only nodded.

"I was a Plumber," he said.

This comment garnered only raised eyebrows and confused looks from all the people in the room except one. Natasha Romanov, aka Black Widow, leveled a cool gaze at Gwen's grandfather and Gwen wondered if the woman really was as safe as everyone thought.

"I thought they were a myth," the redhead told Max.

He only shook his head.

"Nope, we're all real enough," he said, and he smiled.

Ms. Romanov turned to her friends and explained.

"Once, when I was in the Red Room, I interrogated a man who told me about the Plumbers. But the leaders in the Red Room said the man was insane and it was some sort of American myth," she explained to the other Avengers.

When everyone continued to stare at her Ben blurted out a more abrupt explanation.

"He battled aliens."

There was a collective pause in the room before each of the Avengers allowed themselves a groan.

"Of course, it would be aliens," Mr. Stark said. "What else could it be?"

To Gwen he seemed more exasperated than understanding.

"So Hex and Charmcaster are aliens?"

A woman's voice drew the attention of all in the room.

"Please, Cap," Mr. Barton said. "Don't talk. This whole thing is creeping me out enough as it is."

Within moments the rest of the Avengers were sharing a laugh. Even Ben joined in. Gwen failed to see the humor, having been switched once herself.

She glanced over to where, well, Gwen wasn't exactly sure what to call them now. The switch hadn't been exactly as it had when Charmcaster had made her first attempt. Something Hex had done must have disrupted his niece's spell. As a result, Captain America and Maria Hill hadn't exchanged bodies, they'd been changed themselves, to the opposite sex.

The woman who was Captain America was bright red with embarrassment. Gwen felt pity for her, or him, whichever the case was.

The dark-haired man next to him, no her, tugged on her sleeve and she leaned over as the man whispered something in her ear. Whatever he said caused a smirk to appear on Captain America's face, then he, Gwen shook that thought, _she _started to laugh.

With the man next to her joining in, the Avengers slowly abated and openly stared at the pair.

"I don't even want to know what she said," Mr. Stark mumbled.

"You mean, he," Ben corrected.

Mr. Stark stared at Ben for a moment.

"You know, kid, I like your style," the billionaire said. "Why don't I give you a tour?"

"Alright!"

Ben jumped up and followed Mr. Stark to the elevator.

"What about, well, this?" Gwen hollered after them.

"It's magic," Ben retorted. "You'll figure something out."

The doors of the lift closed and Gwen groaned in frustration.

"So this is magic?"

Ms. Romanov turned to Gwen who nodded.

"What did he mean by '_You'll_ figure something out?'"

"Gwen's somewhat versed in the magic arts," Grandpa Max said.

"So what do we have to do?" the man who had been Maria Hill asked.

"First, I have to figure out what spell Hex used," Gwen explained.

* * *

After about an hour of research with the help of JARVIS, Mr. Stark's computerized majordomo, Gwen was able to come up with something.

"I think Hex was actually trying to mess with Charmcaster's spell," Gwen said.

"That doesn't surprise me," her grandfather replied.

"What does that mean?" Captain America asked.

"It means it might be a bit more complicated than a simple reversal spell," Gwen explained.

"Can you do it?" Ms., or was it Mr. Hill now, asked.

"I think so," she said. "But it won't taste very good."

"Taste?" the group asked in unison.

"Well, part of it will require a potion," she informed them.

"Like 'eye of newt' stuff?" Ms. Potts asked.

Gwen furrowed her eyebrows.

"Sort of," she said.

"Well, just have JARVIS get everything for you," Ms. Potts told her. "Tony can pay for it all."

"Can pay for what?" the man asked as he and Ben re-entered the room.

"Magic stuff," Ms. Potts replied.

"Like rabbits out of hats?" he questioned.

"No, like gross 'eye of newt' stuff," Ben answered with a disgusted look on his face.

Gwen leveled a gaze at him that threatened pain but Ben just shrugged it off.

"Nice glare," Mr. Stark said.

"Sure she's not your long lost daughter, Red?" he asked Ms. Romanov.

He was rewarded with a bottle cap smacking him on the nose courtesy of Mr. Barton.

Gwen gave JARVIS the order, then Ms. Potts suggested Mr. Stark give Gwen and Grandpa Max a tour. They headed for the elevator along with the other Avengers, except for Captain America and Maria Hill, who opted to stay behind.

When the lift opened to the first R &amp; D level, Gwen thought she might be in heaven. As Dr. Banner showed them around, she decided the Hulk's human side wasn't too scary after all.

Two hours later, they were having dinner in the Avengers' common lounge with a promise of games until the ingredients for Gwen's potion arrived. Captain America and Maria Hill returned to the group and sat opposite Gwen. She had definitely called it right, though they were engaged, which was technically more than boyfriend and girlfriend.

Gwen felt sorry for them. It must be kind of awkward, she thought, to see the person you're going to marry turned into another person. She tried to assure them that she had been successful with reversal spells before, though she didn't mention how limited her attempts had been. Fortunately, Ben was too busy regaling the Avengers with stories of the battles they'd been in and the aliens in the Omnitrix, and Grandpa Max was too busy making sure Ben's stories stayed within the realm of reality, where they were already wild enough without Ben's embellishments, to mention it themselves.

It was later that night when the materials for the potion arrived, by then Gwen was exhausted and Captain America told her she should get some rest before she started, assuring Gwen that they would be fine for a few more hours like this.

Mr. Stark put them up in guest rooms in the tower. Gwen was ecstatic to have her own room. Ben shared with Grandpa Max and, to Ben's chagrin, Mr. Stark listened to Grandpa Max when he asked to have a cut off time for the video games in the room so Ben wouldn't stay up all night playing them on the huge screen TV in their living room.

By 1am, Gwen wished it was as simple as turning off the TV and video games to get her to sleep. She finally got bored staring at the ceiling and went to the common room where she knew there was food in the refrigerator. She was surprised to find the very people she was worried about sitting together on the sofa.

Ms. Hill, or, well, Gwen was too tired to correct herself anymore, was asleep on the sofa, his/her feet in Captain America's lap. Gwen swallowed and waved nervously at the hero, the seriousness of the task ahead of her settling heavily in the pit of her stomach.

"Hey, Gwen," the female Captain America said with a smile.

"I couldn't sleep," Gwen said.

"Nervous?"

Gwen just nodded, though she hated to admit it. She didn't want them thinking she couldn't help them.

"Sit down, I can get you some ice cream or something," the super soldier told her.

Gwen sat. And as Captain America got her some ice cream with all the trimmings, they talked.

"You can just call me Steve," he/she said, and handed her a bowl full of ice cream, hot fudge, and whipped cream, with a couple of cherries on top.

"Thanks," she said.

"It's OK if it doesn't work. The spell, I mean," Steve said.

Gwen gave him a worried look.

"Really," he/she went on. "If worse comes to worse, maybe we can get Thor to give us a hand."

Gwen only nodded. She didn't want to think about the possibility of failure.

They talked some more about her travels with her cousin and grandfather. Gwen wanted to know about Steve's work with the Avengers and, more importantly, how he and Maria had become engaged. She thought it was a very romantic story and was glad they'd talked about it now, without Ben being present. He was sure to be grossed out.

Finally, Gwen had finished her ice cream and felt her eyes struggling to stay open. Steve chuckled and helped her up and to her room.

The next morning came early, but Gwen was up and in the lab (for safety reasons) mixing up her potion. Dr. Banner was asking her questions about her magic, while Steve and Ms. Hill sat quietly holding hands and watching. Mr. Stark finally showed up with Ben and Grandpa Max in tow. The rest arrived shortly after that.

Finally, everything was ready.

"OK," Gwen said as she poured two cups worth of the grayish-green liquid.

She handed the couple the glasses and told them to drink.

They exchanged looks then Captain America leaned down and whispered something in his/her fiancées ear causing the Lieutenant to blush. Then, in unison, they swallowed down the potion. Ms. Hill made a face, but Captain America commented that it tasted like castor oil.

"What's 'caster oil?'" asked Ben.

"It was a medicine I had when I was your age," Steve replied.

Gwen took a deep breath, and was grateful everyone on the room had fallen silent. She was nervous enough without background noise to distract her. She'd never live it down with Ben if she left Captain America in this state.

As she began to say the incantation, the two pink orbs formed again and surrounded Captain America and his fiancée. Then Gwen started the words of transformation. Each of the orbs began to glow until their inhabitants were hidden from view due to the light.

This was stronger magic than she was used to handling and shortly Gwen began to tire. She felt someone gently pick her up and place her in a chair as she continued. Then, with a bright flash, the orbs disappeared and the two people inside dropped to the ground. Gwen smiled as she viewed her success, then she, herself, began to fall forward out of the chair.

* * *

"Back up, back up, give her some room to breathe," Gwen heard a voice say.

As her eyes slowly opened she found herself on a cot, surrounded by the Avengers and her cousin and grandfather. She almost smirked as Ben tried to act as if he wasn't concerned at all, but her head hurt too much.

"Did it work?" she managed to squeak.

"Yes, it did," the man's voice she'd heard earlier at the park said.

She smiled and glanced over to see Captain America and Maria Hill, restored to their old selves.

"That's a pretty neat trick," Dr. Banner put in.

Gwen tried to reply but her throat was too tired.

"Think you can manage to get to your room?" Ms. Potts asked. "The bed is softer and far more comfortable."

A woman's hand took hers and helped her up. Gwen looked up to see Ms. Romanov above her, an actual smile on her face.

She looked around the room at the Avengers team as she slowly stood, supported by none other than the Black Widow, and she thought that of all the adventures she and Grandpa Max and Ben had had over the summer, this was by far the most unexpected.


	15. Dark Horse

**A/N: So, this story started completely different. I had planned to have them on an op in Afghanistan with the women wearing burkha's. Then I was driving and this song by Katy Perry (whose music I normally don't care for) came on the radio and this story took over instead. :D (I left off the rap part because it is pointless dribble and completely detracts from the song...but don't get me started. ;))**

* * *

Clint stood at the bar with Steve. The archer made occasional visual sweeps of the club using the mirror behind the bartender. He was somewhat glad Steve was with him, because his focus was not as tight as it should be tonight. Instead of being at the top of his game, he was having an internal argument with himself as to why his presence was even necessary.

He sighed audibly and Steve looked at him.

"It'll be fine," Steve assured him. "You're just here to keep Maria's friend company."

Clint wanted to glare at the man but he was right. He'd really only done this for them. Steve and Maria had been planning this night out after nearly a month with no downtime when out of the blue an old friend of Maria's apparently called to say she was in town for only a couple of days and wanted to get together. Maria had assured him the situation would be entirely platonic. Her friend was head over heels in love with some guy she worked with. He was just there to give her a dance partner and to fend off the usual guys who couldn't take 'no' for an answer.

All Clint could think was that he'd rather be back at the tower watching Natasha read a book.

When he'd told his partner where he was going she'd smiled and said it was good for him to get out and mingle. There had been no hint that she was bothered by the idea of him dancing with another woman.

He shook his head. He must have been reading her wrong the past few months. Ever since Austria, specifically, since Steve's and Maria's engagement, he'd thought things had come closer to changing. While it had been weird since New York, since Austria he'd started to hope that maybe she could finally believe that she had a chance at happiness and that she wanted to take that chance with him.

He saw Steve's phone light up and turned to look at him.

"Maria texted," the super-soldier smiled. "They're here, over by the DJ somewhere."

They both turned to look and Clint heard Steve inhale in surprise at the same moment he did himself, though for a completely different reason. Sure, Clint noted that Maria looked drop-dead gorgeous in her red skin-tight dress. Even with the bodice hiding the scars both men knew were there, she was a vision. He couldn't recall her ever dressing like that for him when they were dating, and from Steve's reaction, Clint guessed she hadn't dressed like that for the super soldier either.

But to Clint, she couldn't even compare to the woman next to her. He felt his mouth open in surprise, his mind barely allowed him to believe what he was seeing. In the back of his mind the words of the song the DJ had just started began to register as he watched Natasha walking toward him, her gaze never wavering from his eyes.

_I knew you were__  
__You were gonna come to me__  
__And here you are__  
__But you better choose carefully__  
__'__Cause I, I'm capable of anything__  
__Of anything and everything_

Natasha stopped directly in front of him. Clint was vaguely aware of Steve cupping Maria's face and leaning down to kiss her, commenting on how beautiful she looked.

_Make me your Aphrodite__  
__Make me your one and only__  
__But don't make me your enemy, your enemy, your enemy_

Natasha slipped her hand into his and tugged at it to pull Clint onto the dance floor.

_So you wanna play with magic__  
__Boy, you should know what you're falling for__  
__Baby do you dare to do this?__  
__Cause I'm coming at you like a dark horse__  
__Are you ready for, ready for__  
__A perfect storm, perfect storm__  
__Cause once you're mine, once you're mine__  
__There's no going back_

Clint watched her as she began to move to the music. His eyes drank her in with the thirst of a man who'd been in an arid desert for days.

_Mark my words__  
__This love will make you levitate__  
__Like a bird__  
__Like a bird without a cage__  
__But down to earth__  
__If you choose to walk away, don't walk away_

Slowly his mind began to believe she was really here, really dancing with him, really looking at him with all her defenses down.

_It's in the palm of your hand now baby__  
__It's a yes or no, no maybe__  
__So just be sure before you give it all to me__  
__All to me, give it all to me_

He moved closer, almost afraid to touch her, afraid he'd break whatever spell she was under and this moment would be gone.

_So you wanna play with magic__  
__Boy, you should know what you're falling for__  
__Baby do you dare to do this?__  
__Cause I'm coming at you like a dark horse_

She reached for his hands and placed them low on her hips. She ran her hands up his arms, across his broad shoulders, to his neck, then his face. Her nose rubbed against his, their lips were almost touching.

_Are you ready for, ready for__  
__A perfect storm, perfect storm__  
__Cause once you're mine, once you're mine (love trippin')__  
__There's no going back_

Then they _were_ touching. Clint suddenly became hyper-aware of his surroundings. The feel of the fabric of her dress against his tingling skin as he slid his hands to the small of Natasha's back to pull her closer.

_So you wanna play with magic_

The puffs of air coming from her nose and gliding across his face as she deepened the kiss.

_Boy, you should know what you're falling for (you should know)_

The people around them on the dance floor, dancing on, oblivious to the importance of this moment.

_Baby do you dare to do this?_

Further, by the bar, he registered the clink of two beer bottles as Maria and Steve smiled and toasted the moment.

_Cause I'm coming at you like a dark horse (like a dark horse)_

Clint didn't know whether to laugh or cry. His senses were overloading.

_Are you ready for, ready for (ready for)_

He pulled away from Natasha and they both worked to catch their breath.

_A perfect storm, perfect storm (a perfect storm)_

He smiled at her and she rubbed his cheek affectionately with her thumb.

_Cause once you're mine, once you're mine (mine)_

She opened her mouth to speak and, if Clint couldn't read lips he would have thought he misheard her words due to the din of the music and crowd.

_There's no going back_

"I love you."


	16. This Must Be the Place

**A/N: Thanks for all the new reviews and the likes and follows. :)**

**Not much to say about this except the title is from the Talking Heads song.**

* * *

The clanging of the bell as he pushed the door in, the aroma of baked goods, and the hectic Saturday morning business noises brought back a sense of the familiar to Steve. He wasn't sure how he'd feel coming here again. But now that he had, he felt almost as if it hadn't been anytime at all since he'd last stopped by.

"Steve." He heard a man's voice from behind the counter.

Glancing up he saw Rogerio, the owner, smiling and walking around to greet him.

"It's been so long since we've seen you," he said, reaching a hand out to him.

Steve took his hand and shook it, feeling suddenly nervous. He really didn't want to explain his absence.

"How've you been?" was all that was asked, however.

"Good," he replied. "How about you, Rog?"

"Busy, which is good," he said. "You want your usual?"

"Um, yeah," Steve said. "You remember it?"

Rog laughed.

"Let's just say, it all clicked when I saw you," Rog told him.

Steve didn't understand what he was trying to tell him, but Rog turned back to the counter before he could ask.

"Meli," he called out to his daughter. "Get Captain Rogers his usual."

Meli gave her father a confused look.

"Remember?" He asked, making an odd look that involved his eyebrows and a few jerks of his head and a wink.

Steve was about to just tell the girl what he wanted when she finally understood her father.

"Oh," she exclaimed, but then furrowed her brows. "But, Dad."

Rogerio cut her off with a look and Steve was becoming more curious as to what exactly was going on.

Meli pulled a pastry box out from under the counter and proceeded to fold it into shape then put in the four pastries he used to buy. She handed them to Steve as he reached into his pocket for his wallet.

Rogerio waved him off.

"It's on the house," the man told Steve.

"No," Steve said. "I can pay."

But Rogerio just shook his head and pushed the box into Steve's hands.

"Next week," he assured Steve.

Steve thanked the man then said his goodbye's to the family and staff who had curiously all come out to the counter to see him.

He shook the confusion from his mind as he stepped back out onto he sidewalk and headed down the street to the newsstand.

He picked up a copy of the Sunday Times and went to pay "the other Steve," as Maria always called him.

When the man saw him, his eyes widened in surprise, then his face broke into a huge grin.

"Oh, Steve, my boy," he exclaimed. "I should have known I'd be seeing you sooner rather than later."

Steve wasn't sure how the newsstand owner would have known to expect him. He and Maria had only been back from Italy, and their reunion &amp; engagement, for a day. He hadn't even told his teammates the news yet, he was certain Maria wouldn't have told anyone.

"The paper's on me, today," the other Steve told him.

The super-soldier looked at the man curiously.

"Really," the other Steve said. "I insist."

Steve simply nodded slowly.

"Oh, you should stop by and see Shelly this morning, though," the newsstand owner told him.

Steve knew Shelly ran a flower stand around the corner. In the past, Steve bought flowers from her if she had the specific ones he wanted for Maria. But he hadn't planned on taking flowers this morning. It wasn't part of their old Saturday routine. And he was hoping that was what Maria wanted to get back to when she'd asked him to come over this morning. But, he was curious, so he walked back around the corner.

Shelly seemed as excited as everyone else to see him, and Steve started to feel somewhat self-conscious. But when she reached behind her and handed him a small arrangement made up of both red and white mums*, he thought he might finally understand.

He smiled as she handed them to him, and when she whispered a conspiratorial, "Congratulations," he felt himself blush all the way to the roots of his hair.

Minutes later he knocked at Maria's door, a little nervous about how she would react to everyone in her neighborhood already knowing about their engagement.

When she opened the door, she smiled as he handed her the flowers.

"Um, these are for you," he said. "Actually, Shelly, at the flower stand, sent them."

She cast him a furtive glance as she walked over to the table in the kitchenette and set down the flowers.

"Do they have a meaning?" she asked.

He didn't reply, instead he was distracted when he set the paper in the coffee table and there was already one there. He looked over at Maria, standing next to the counter.

"You got the paper?" he asked, surprised to see it. He had always been the one to bring it.

She slid over a little along the counter to reveal a small pink box from the bakery. She cleared her throat, it looked to Steve, to cover her nerves. He smiled as he realized she looked as nervous as he felt. It was one thing to make up and get engaged when they were in a Europe, but, Steve realized, it was going to be something else entirely to get back to their daily lives.

Still, Steve had wondered if Maria had wanted this, wanted their old habits and routines, or if they'd been among the things that had scared her before. He thought of the last night he was in this apartment, trying to get her to not go out with Matt. She'd been dressed like she had something to prove, and she had never had to prove anything to him. He'd told her how beautiful he always thought she was on their Saturday mornings together.

That thought made him look down at her feet and he smiled, they were bare as always. He slowly raised his eyes to hers, taking in her as he went. Her jazz pants were offset by an enormous Georgetown t-shirt. Her hair pinned up in a clip, wisps falling down to frame her face. He tried to control how warm he was starting to feel, but he couldn't stop himself from taking the two steps over to her, setting the box down on the other, he cupped her face and tilted it to his before leaning down and tasting her lips.

Maria placed her hands gently on his chest and Steve allowed himself a sigh of pleasure and deepened he kiss. He knew he had to keep it reigned in. It was obvious they needed longer than he wanted before they got married, but he could wait. He slowed and pulled slightly away to smile at her.

Yes, he thought as he took in her beautiful face again. He could wait until everything was as perfect as it needed to be.

*red mum=declaration of love; white mum=loyal love


	17. Be

**A/N: OK, so this story is part of another story, basically the next story after Strongest Weakness, so it might feel as if it ends abruptly, though I did change it so hopefully it doesn't. I probably won't get around to posting this story until some time in December, though, as I intend to take NaNoWriMo seriously this year so I will not be posting FanFic during the month of November.**

**The background for this story was originally referenced in Suffering is a Guarantee, Happiness is a Phase. I don't think you have to read that story (this was in chapter 3) to get this, though, unless you want to be especially depressed today. :)**

**The title is taken from the Plus One song.**

* * *

Steve held Maria tightly to himself in the bed. Spooned up against her back, he usually slept better; that's what he'd learned in Austria. Tonight, however, sleep refused to come. He was relieved that Maria was finally sleeping, though. He didn't think she'd slept for at least a week, not well, at any rate. The stress of this trip had been eating her up, she had been so afraid that what he learned in Chicago would change his feelings.

Steve sighed and placed a kiss on her shoulder, then he nuzzled his face into her hair. His hand brushed against her lower abdomen and he could feel the scar there through the fabric of his t-shirt she'd worn to bed. He'd always been able to feel her scars. When they danced, he felt those on her lower back. When they kissed passionately his hands would wander across her back, as he tried to keep them from slipping to where he desired, and he could feel the one on her upper back, and the other on her shoulder. He'd never told her before Austria, because it never mattered to him.

Maria was a beautiful woman, anyone with eyes could see that. Even when her face was hard in unbending resolve, you could easily see her perfect features, but when it melted into a smile, softening all those hard edges, it was even more breathtaking. The perfect curves of her body Steve had memorized with his eyes until he could pick her out of a crowd easily. He was aware they drew the attention of other men wherever they went.

But it was never her physical beauty that had interested him. It was her kindness, first, and he knew people would scoff if he told them. But she was first kind to him, unlike all the others around him. She was the first to treat him like an ordinary man, not a science experiment or an object of gratification. She had been the first to truly understand his feelings of displacement. He'd known that as soon as he walked into the apartment she'd set up for him in DC three years ago. Everyone else had wanted him to "get used to" all the changes. She had somehow known that some of the changes were too much.

After that it was her strength, her control in an out-of-control situation. Her voice sure and strong during the attack on the Hellicarrier before the Chitauri invasion, her calm demeanor as he pulled her up after she nearly fell to her death, her refusal to give in to the enemy even under the duress of torture.

Steve swallowed down the fear that immediately rose to his throat at that last thought. He'd watched the video recovered from her captors when he and Sitwell had raided the compound where she was held. Two years later, nausea still formed in the pit of his stomach at the thought of the scenes of brutality.

If anyone deserved something to go right for them once, it was Maria. Her fears had made her run from him, he would just have to prove to her that they were unfounded. She had the idea that he deserved better than her, but Steve had argued he could never find better. And that unless death took him before her, he was going nowhere.

Closing his eyes, he breathed in her scent deeply and tried to calm himself. It was going to take a long time to help Maria feel confident in their relationship. Trusting him was not the same as knowing she was worth his love. The past weeks since they'd returned from Italy had shown him that there was often more to love than he'd thought.

When he'd started dating Maria, he'd sought to correct the mistakes he'd made with Peggy. From the beginning he'd made sure Maria was aware of his feelings, he never wanted there to be any doubt. He hadn't understood her own insecurities. It was foolish, really, to think she had none and that he alone struggled with such things. But now he could see he'd thought the same of Peggy. Both she and Maria exuded confidence in a manner that made it appear natural. But, knowing Maria better now, he wondered if Peggy hadn't had similar feelings. They'd never talked about their lives outside the war. Steve really hadn't known Peggy. What had driven her into a role so far outside the accepted norms of their day? Had she insecurities she'd masked the way Maria did?

Slowly, light brightened around the curtains opposite the bed, filling the room. Then he began to hear the increased noise on the street below and out on the lake. After several more minutes, Maria began to stir. He wasn't surprised, even when she fell to sleep late she never slept much past dawn.

He smiled at her as she shifted in his arms and turned to face him.

"Good morning," she said, and tucked her head under his chin as she snuggled up against him.

Steve sighed again, this time happily, and reached his hands up to run his fingers through her hair.

"Sleep enough?" he asked, then placed a kiss on the top of her head.

He felt her nod her head.

"You?" she asked, and Steve was certain there was a smile in her voice.

He almost lied then, for her sake. But wasn't that why everything fell apart in the first place?

"Not really," he said, then nearly regretted it when he felt her stiffen.

"I had a lot on my mind," he continued, hoping they could talk it out.

"Yeah?" was her only reply.

"Yeah," he said. "Like how amazing you are."

She pulled away to look dubiously at his face.

"Don't believe me?" He smirked.

Her face softened slightly and his kissed her forehead. He shifted to lay on his back and she rested her head on his chest, her left hand where he could reach it.

For several minutes they were silent. Steve continued to run one hand through her hair, while the other took up her hand. The ring pressed against his palm and the feel of it made him smile.

"I'm glad you brought me here," he finally said. "I know it wasn't easy but it means a lot to me that you trust me enough to tell me what happened to you."

Maria didn't say anything in return and Steve was fine with her silence. She'd told him enough yesterday even before she'd said a word. He pulled her more tightly to him as he recalled walking through the cemetery to the small grave marker.

_There was a name, and only one date, and that was enough to tell Steve volumes about Maria. He'd held her tightly as he choked back the tears._

_Afterwards, they sat on the grass and Maria slowly unfolded the story of how Melissa came to be. As she spoke, he remembered Phil's admonishment before the two left for Chicago. _

_"There are some things we can't avenge, we just have to learn to live with the pain."_

_Phil would have known about this. It would have been in Maria's medical records. If anyone could have found the man who'd done this to her and dole out the justice he deserved, it would have been Phil. _

_There wasn't much he could say when she finished, so they sat quietly, Maria in his lap, leaning sideways against his chest. Steve felt stupid now. He'd shared painful stories with her, but nothing in his life could possibly compare to what Maria had suffered. He'd lost everything, to be sure, but to gain and lose a child in the manner in which Maria had seemed far more horrible. _

_They'd gone back to the hotel for lunch and had remained in their suite, the "do not disturb" sign pushed into the key card slot. There were no words to say, so he held her and hoped that would be enough for her to feel secure. _

_By dinner she had felt good enough to leave the room and go out. They dined, but didn't dance, and the only real conversation was with their eyes. Though he did remind her that nothing that happened, nothing he'd learned, changed the way he felt about her. _

_She'd seemed relieved and before they could order dessert, Steve noticed that her body was finally succumbing to exhaustion and ordered her back to the hotel amidst her half-hearted protests. _

_She'd changed into yet another t-shirt she'd stolen from him and Steve's eyes were wide when she walked back out into the sitting room. _

_"My boxers?" He chuckled and shook his head as she shot him a feigned challenge with her eyes. _

_"How much of my clothing do you have?" He asked. _

_"Not telling," she smiled. _

_Steve was relieved that visiting Melissa's grave seemed to have removed a weight from Maria's shoulders, and part of the wall she'd maintained between them since they'd started dating. _

"I should probably get a shower," Maria's voice interrupted his thoughts and he almost laughed at the contrast of her mundane comment with his memories of yesterday.

She moved to sit up but Steve leaned her back onto the bed and began to kiss her. He stopped and pulled away before control slipped away from him.

"I'll order breakfast," he said.

He rolled onto his back and watched her walk to the bath, repeating his mantra that November wasn't that far away.


	18. Take Care of Your Woman

**A/N: So this ended up more of a "talking" about something together. :)**

**This story takes place two months after yesterday's story, Steve's religious preferences having been established in Ch 5 of Suffering is a Guarantee, etc.**

**The title is from the Roy Orbison song.**

**I think that's all, until after the story.**

* * *

"It doesn't bother me," Steve said.

He kept his voice calm and assuring, still Maria appeared to struggle to believe the words.

"But your religion is important to you," she said. "And don't try to tell me it's not. You read the Sunday paper with me on Saturday so you can attend Latin Mass on Sunday."

Steve sighed and took Maria's hand in his.

"Yes, it's important to me," he agreed. "But I knew when I started dating you that when we got married, we'd have to have a non-Church wedding."

"When you started dating me?" She quirked an eyebrow at him.

He smiled at her.

"Yes," he said and pulled her into his arms.

She relaxed into him and he placed a kiss on her temple.

"I just want you to be happy," she said into his chest.

He felt her breath through the thin fabric of his shirt and inhaled deeply to cover the shudder he felt in response.

"You make me happy," he said. "And it doesn't matter to me that we can't get married in the Church."

"But it's a Sacrament, and," Maria started.

"I know what it is, but I will live without it," he said. "Lots of people get married this way and they are fine."

Steve really wasn't sure where this was coming from. He wondered if Maria wasn't getting cold feet. That thought scared him. He tried to push it aside but he could hear Clint's admonishment about communication almost as if he was standing with them.

He swallowed down his fear. Pulling away slightly, he cupped her chin to turn her face up to his.

"What are you really afraid of?" He asked.

He'd learned a lot since they'd made up and become engaged. The primary thing he'd learned was that if he wanted Maria to tell him something he had to ask pointed questions, and then not let up until he had an answer. She still wasn't always able share exactly what she was thinking, especially if it was something she thought would hurt him.

"What if you change your mind?" she asked.

Steve looked dubiously at her.

She turned her eyes down and began to play with his collar. He smiled and kissed her forehead.

"There is nothing you can say or do that will make me change my mind about marrying you," he said, but he was fairly certain what it was now.

Maria let out a shaky breath. Her fears about the wedding night had been intensifying for weeks now. With the fittings, where her scars had to be exposed to a strangers eyes, and the idea she had to dress in front of Pepper, the only bridesmaid who didn't know, on the day of the wedding, Steve knew it was starting to eat her up. Though she'd only said it once.

Natasha went with her to the fittings to help her into the dress before the seamstress worked on it, that cut down on it a little, but saying she was shy on the actual wedding day was out. Natasha was trying to convince her to dress at the Tower or her apartment so only she would have to help, but Maria still wasn't sure. She didn't want Pepper to be suspicious.

Finally he decided he should just tell her what he thought about it.

"If this is still about the wedding night," he said. "We don't have to wait."

Maria pulled back. He knew she would be surprised.

"Steve, no," she said. "It's bad enough we can't have a Church wedding, I'm not going to take that from you as well."

He pulled her back into a tighter embrace.

"Do you ever listen to yourself?" he asked. "You are always worried about what's best for me, or SHIELD, why don't you think about what's best for you, just for once?"

He let his words hang for a few minutes, then added, with a chuckle, "It's not as if it would be an incredible hardship for me."

"Still, Steve," she started, but he hushed her.

"Just think about it, OK?" He requested, then kissed the top of her head.

After a moment, he pulled back and gently kissed her lips.

"I just want us to be happy together," he said. "Whatever it takes."

He leaned in to kiss her again, this time deepening it and pulling her tight against him. He pulled the band out of her hair and sank his fingers into it. He was just about to move them to the sofa when there was a beep and JARVIS' voice interrupted.

"Captain, you requested to be notified when Doctor Banner returned," the AI said.

Steve sighed loudly in exasperation.

"Yes, thank you, JARVIS," he said. "Tell him I'll meet him in the lab."

"Yes, Captain," came the reply.

Steve grimaced.

"Still sure you want to live here?" he asked.

She smiled at him and touched his face.

"Of course," she said. "I want you to be able to stay near your friends."

Steve closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against hers.

"You, Maria, I want something to be about you," he said quietly.

"Something is," she said and pulled away to look at him. "You. You're all I need, Steve."

She kissed him before continuing.

"I'm sorry I'm so nervous and afraid," she said. "I think it's engrained in me to believe that I will never have what I want."

"Well, I'll just have to make sure I take a lot of time stripping that away," he said.

He touched her face and kissed her before he forced himself toward the door.

"Tonight," he said. "One thing you want, we will do it tonight."

He gave her a meaningful look.

"Bruce and I have to discuss science, so you have a good hour or so to think up something fantastic," he smiled.

She nodded and smiled at him as he left.

Steve only hoped she'd come up with something unique to her. And he hoped, somewhat masochistically, that it was nothing he enjoyed.

When Steve returned two hours later, Maria was gone, but he found his tux hanging on a cabinet handle. A note hooked onto the hanger told him he should pick her up at six.

Well, a tux was probably only more comfortable than skinny jeans, so he figured they were off to a good start.

* * *

He knocked at the door of her apartment at 5:59, red tulips* in hand.

She opened the door, a nervous smile on her face. Steve's mouth immediately went dry. She was wearing a long navy blue gown. As always it covered her body, but it tugged at all her curves. The v-shape of the sequins on the bodice poured into a thin line between her breasts. His eyes slid down and he noticed that one side of the long skirt was slit up the left side to reveal her thigh.

He suddenly hoped they were going nowhere this evening. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to deal with the jealous feelings he was bound to get as the men looked at her.

He looked back at her face and she had a smirk for him now.

"You approve, Soldier?"

Steve wanted to tell her just how much he approved, but his mouth and mind had disengaged, so he nodded briefly and handed her the flowers.

By now Maria had a cabinet full of elaborate vases Steve had bought her. He felt it was only right since he brought flowers almost every time he came to see her. She was becoming well-versed in their meaning, as well.

She had picked out the vase he knew was her favorite and set the flowers on the table in the kitchenette.

"So, where are we headed?" Steve finally found his voice.

"The Opera," she said.

Steve laughed a little. He should have known. He'd taken her to a couple, but it wasn't his favorite thing.

"But, how will we get tickets?" he asked, recalling how far in advance he'd needed to buy them before.

Maria blushed.

"I, uh, I sort of have season tickets," she admitted.

He stared at her in open surprise.

"I don't understand."

As much as she enjoyed it, she had told him she rarely attended.

"I buy them every year," she said. "I always intend to go, but something usually comes up at work and I give them to someone else."

She looked at him apprehensively.

"You aren't mad, are you?"

"Why would I be mad?" he asked, confused.

"I never told you and you bought those other tickets and," Maria's voice trailed off and she shrugged.

Steve stepped over to her and lifted her face to his. As he leaned down to kiss her, he had to fight the urge to slip his hand into her hair; it looked made up and he didn't want to ruin it before they left. Later, though, all bets were off.

He stepped back and took her hand.

"Ready?" He asked.

She smiled and nodded, as she picked up her small handbag off the back of the chair.

"What are we seeing?" he asked, but then corrected himself. "Or listening to?"

She laughed softly at his discomposure.

"Either," she said. "Le Nozze di Figaro."

"Um, Mozart, right?" He replied.

She nodded.

"What's it about," he asked as they got into the elevator.

"I'll tell you on the way," she said.

When the elevator opened to the lobby, she mentioned to him that there were a variety of books about all the different operas.

"Really?" he smiled. "Um, can we read them together?"

She blushed. The last time they'd read a book together, things had gotten a little heated.

"I'd like that," she said, as he helped her into her shrug before he took her hand and they stepped out of her building.

_*red tulips=a declaration of love, or, more recently, a plea for the recipient to believe the sender_

* * *

**A/N: Ah, everything's so happy right now. Isn't it nice? Not to worry, they'll be happy for a couple more days. They have to get married on Monday, after all. :)**

**WiP update: Yeah, it's pretty much the same. Seriously having writing problems in this heat. I have no A/C and it's just sapped everything. :/ But, now I know there is a condition under which I cannot create. I had no idea. :) Today might be slightly better as I will have lots of angsty stuff to ignore due to my ongoing personal issue with my (hopefully) soon-to-be ex. And tonight is my usual night out to write.**

**Also, Sunday is my FanFiction anniversary. Two years since I finally, after a lifetime of keeping my stories in my head, got the nerve to write out and post one. Writing has become such a huge thing in my life now. I'm even going to actually try to complete a real novel for NaNoWriMo. This is what I always wanted, really my whole life. But I was raised to live in fear, among other things that really probably require therapy. :D I am glad I finally stepped out and did this. As I think of all the things I've lost, mostly everything of who I really am, since I got married to someone who turned out to be as abusive as my parents, this has become the one thing that can't be taken from me. And I have this silly little dream, that my book will be good enough to make enough money that I can buy a small place for me and my kids back home, get us out of California, and the heat, and the impersonal masses, and the city, which none of us like.**

**Anyway, all that to say, whatever your dream is, never give it up for anyone (except maybe put it on hold for your kids if you need to for a brief period of time). No one is that important. If you are young and your parents and family mock your dream, ignore them. If you are married and your spouse doesn't want you to pursue your dream, do it anyway. If you are single and your friends think your dream is stupid, get new friends. It's not worth the pain you cause yourself to set aside your dream because of what other people want. I was so miserable before I started writing. Don't make yourself miserable living for other people only. You can love others and pursue your dream, they are not mutually exclusive, but, honestly, it's easier to love others when you are following what you know you are supposed to be.**


	19. Unbreakable

**A/N: Of all the stories I wrote for this Challenge, I am least satisfied with this. I wasn't able to convey what I wanted, and it just didn't sound right, not the part with Clint anyway. The first part, fine, but the part with Clint, I don't know, maybe I should have just deleted it. Ugh. Oh, well, here it is.  
**

**This story takes place in October following their engagement. The Metropolitan Opera_ is_ really doing Macbeth in October, btw. You can watch it locally if you live in a bigger city. They broadcast it live in HD to movie theaters. Just go to the Met's website for details. It's pretty cool. If it's the same production as last time I saw it, I recommend it...and a box of tissues.**

**Title is from the song by Westlife...because I couldn't think of anything better...and I happen to have always liked boy bands...yeah, my music queue looks funny...Backstreet Boys, George Straight, Seether, Bach. Shuffle is never not entertaining. :D**

**Thanks for all the likes, reviews, and follows. I'll try to reply to reviews and PMs later today. Sick kid this morning so I can't focus. :)**

* * *

Steve straightened his bow tie as he quickly examined his reflection in his bath's full length mirror before going to answer the knock at his door. He opened it and found Maria smiling up at him. She wasn't in the dress he'd hoped for and he cringed inwardly as he could tell by the look on her face that some of his disappointment had shown.

"I'm so sorry," he leaned in to kiss her. "You look beautiful."

"But it's not the blue?" She smirked as she stepped into his apartment.

He opened his mouth more in surprise than to voice his reply, then he just laughed.

"I'm that easy to read, huh?" he asked.

"Well, yes, but you really did like that dress," she remarked as she cupped his face and kissed him. "I don't think you saw half the opera."

He blushed.

"Well, there was the matter of your, um, leg, and uh, and."

He stopped and blew out a slow, frustrated breath.

She smiled at him and he wished, not for the first time during the past two days that it was _their_ wedding they were attending today.

"You still look beautiful," he assured her, pulling her into an embrace.

She did, her dress was a pale peach and embellished with lace and intricate beadwork around the neck and hem and on the sleeves. The fabric felt like satin under his skin. For a moment he thought it seemed familiar, but he wasn't quite sure. He was trying to place where she'd worn it before.

He pulled away and looked at her in surprise when he finally remembered it.

"You've been shopping at the dress shop Pepper sent us to for her wedding," he said.

Maria blushed now.

"Well, the clothes are nice and you did say to do something."

Steve cut her off with a long kiss.

"I'm glad," he told her as he pulled away slightly. "I hope you keep going there."

"I have," she smiled, the raised an eyebrow and suddenly her face was more seductive than he'd ever remembered. "Wait until you see what I'm wearing to Macbeth on Saturday."

Steve's collar was suddenly far too tight and he wondered if she would mind him turning on the AC despite the temperature outside being in the low 60s.

She turned and sauntered, and Steve could never recall using that word to describe the way Maria walked, over to the kitchen. She opened the freezer and reached inside. Steve saw her pull out an ice pack, then she tossed it to him.

He gave her a wry look as he caught it.

"So this is how it's gonna be?" he asked as he held up the ice pack.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she told him, taking on a look of innocence as she opened the refrigerator and pulled out the pitcher of water.

She turned away from him toward the counter and he walked over to where she was reaching up for a glass on the shelf above her.

She poured the water then took a drink. Steve stopped directly behind her and ghosted his lips along her neck. She moaned and Steve was glad she was turned away from him and couldn't see his mischievous grin. He wasn't nearly as good at hiding his intent as she.

He took the glass out of her hand, then wrapped his right arm around her, pinning her to him.

Reaching up with the ice pack, he placed it on her neck in the place he had just kissed. She gasped and let out a screech.

"Steve!" she yelled.

"Thought the ice pack might be more effective than just the water alone," he chuckled in her ear.

Then he placed slow, warm kisses along her neck to heat up where the ice pack had been.

Moving his lips to her ears, he whispered.

"Your hair is driving me crazy, you know that."

"I just wore it how I usually do."

He could hear the smirk in her voice.

"Exactly," he replied.

She knew what it did to him, how his hands itched to take the pins out and pull her hair down.

"Although," she said, turning now in his embrace. "I wore it down for the opera last month and I seem to recall you having similar problems."

He cocked an eyebrow at her smug look.

"So this _is_ how it's going to be," he stated with a smirk of his own.

Then he leaned down to kiss her and show her he was very happy with it being this way.

He was deepening the kiss when they were interrupted by a knock at the door.

Groaning, he mumbled that he'd rather be interrupted by JARVIS than a real person as he walked to the door.

He was surprised to see Clint, holding white roses no less.

He glanced at his watch.

"It's not time yet?" He wasn't sure why the archer was here. "Everything OK."

Clint nodded then handed Steve a single white rose.

"This is your boutonnière," he explained.

Steve took it as he stepped back and invited Clint inside. Maria had walked over to join them and Clint handed her the rest of the roses.

"It's a corsage," he told her, and though his face was turned from him, Steve could tell by the look Maria gave him that something was wrong.

"Natasha," Clint started, then took a deep breath but didn't say more.

Maria took him into her embrace and the two stood together for several minutes. There was a time this scene would have made Steve jealous. The closeness the former lovers used to set him on edge. He'd always been able to overlook it on ops, but he was glad he had dealt with his jealousy before today.

She pulled away from him and touched his face.

"Do you want me to talk to her?"

Clint only nodded.

Maria brought the corsage to Steve to put on her dress. This was one thing he hadn't done a lot of, but he did know he could get it on her without sticking her.

She smiled up at him, then he kissed her before she left.

Clint sighed as he watched her go.

"Want a drink or something?" he asked Clint.

"No, thanks." He shook his head.

In the following silence Steve tried to think of something to say that might help.

"I'm sure she's just nervous," he told Clint. "Maria's a wreck and we're over a month away from our wedding."

"Yeah, I guess," was all the reply.

"How are you holding up?" Steve asked.

Clint gave him a slight smile.

"I still have trouble believing this is all real," he said. "So many years."

His voice drifted off and it was quiet in the room again.

"Worth the wait," Steve stated, because he knew Clint agreed.

"Yeah," he sighed. "I tried to move on, you know."

He finally sat on the sofa and Steve joined him.

"I almost got married, even," he said.

"I heard," Steve replied.

"In the end, I just could never get Nat out of my system," he said, leaning back in his seat.

Steve smiled. He could understand Clint's feelings.

"Most guys at SHIELD think we're nuts, you know?" Clint went on.

"You and Natasha?"

Steve knew people there liked to gossip and voice their opinions on the love lives of others, they certainly did it a lot with him and Maria.

Clint chuckled and shook his head and pointed at Steve.

"_You_ and me," he smiled.

Steve grimaced, but he knew it was true.

"They think we should get some soft piece of fluff that looks good on our arm and, well, I suppose that's all they expect of a woman," Clint said, shaking his head.

"Yeah, I've seen some of the women the younger guys date," Steve remarked. "I think the inane fashion conversations would probably cause an embolism."

Clint laughed loudly.

"I think it would drive me nuts if I had some girl looking at me all doe-eyed, waiting for me to make all the decisions," he said.

"If she couldn't see me as a person," Steve sighed, and shook his head. "I'm pretty sure most women forget my real name."

"Yeah, I think a lot of the guys kinda revel in the hero-worship thing," Clint agreed. "Good thing they're not Captain America."

They were silent for a moment before Clint continued.

"If I couldn't think of her as my equal," he said.

Steve nodded.

"I'd drink to that, but you should probably get downstairs," Steve said, glancing at his watch as he stood.

Clint stood and smiled, holding out his hand. Steve shook it and they walked to the door.

"She'll be fine," Steve assured him.

He couldn't see Natasha backing out of the wedding, it had been her idea, after all.

Clint nodded as Steve opened the door. Clint stepped into the hall and they saw Maria walking toward them.

She smiled at Clint.

"All set," she said.

Clint said his good-byes and left in the elevator.

"She OK?" Steve asked.

Maria nodded.

"Sometimes it's just hard to believe that after a lifetime of things like this never going your way, it finally is," Maria said, averting her eyes.

Steve shook his head and reached for her hand to pull her into his embrace.

"Translation: No one's ever loved me this much and it's terrifying," he said placing a kiss on her temple.

She pulled away and smiled.

"I guess," she said, then reached her hand around the back of his neck to pull him down for a long kiss.

When they finally pulled away to catch their breath, it was time to leave.

"We'll pick up where we left off?" Steve smiled as he rested his forehead to hers.

"Definitely," she said, placing her palms on his chest then slowly lowering them to his waist, before pulling away to take up her clutch and walk to the door.

When she turned to him, the look she had made Steve wonder if he should grab an ice pack to take with him.

* * *

**A/N: Just in case you are like me and everything goes over your head, them always getting interrupted is major foreshadowing. Because, of course, they aren't getting married in November. That would be too easy if they got to get married on their originally planned date, and I never make anything easy for them. :D But, there is a wedding prompt so I am forced to stop delaying it eventually. hehehe.**

**As an aside, I sent the last part of my HIMYM/Avengers crossover to the Beta and hope to have that up this weekend. I started working on the Happiness Is story as well so, if I can get annoying people to leave me alone long enough to write, I will have that up soon, as well. Possibly an anniversary story, too, but that won't be Avengers, it will be for my original muse, Lee Stetson of Scarecrow &amp; Mrs. King. And it will be terribly angsty. Poor Lee, I make him suffer too. And no one here is surprised. :D  
**


	20. Could I Have This Dance

**A/N: Ugh, I forgot to get back on all my messages yesterday, I'm sorry. I have a good, but emotional, excuse but I will do it today while my kids are in their ECs. :)**

**This story is part of a much larger story so I again apologize if it feels cut off at the end.**

**Title is from one of my all-time fave songs sung by Anne Murray.**

* * *

Steve took each step to Maria's apartment one at a time. It was slow and painstaking, but he wasn't sure he had the energy for more. The last several months had sapped him. He knew most of it was emotional, psychological, but he was tired all the same.

She wasn't expecting him. They weren't supposed to see each other until she walked down the aisle to him the next afternoon. But that had originally been scheduled for November. Now, it was March. So forgive him for not believing it was going to happen unless he did something to guarantee it.

It was frustrating him, not sexually, as Tony inferred, though, to be honest, it surprised Steve that it wasn't. He wanted Maria now more than he'd ever understood possible. But he refrained from even bringing the subject up anymore. He pushed his feelings aside, hoping that they really would be married tomorrow.

November had come and gone, Maria laid up with minor burns and other injuries from an attack on the Hellicarrier a week before their original date. December had never worked out for the venue and Steve had suggested they just have it at the Tower as Clint and Natasha had. But Maria wouldn't hear of it. She told him she felt bad enough that he couldn't get married in _The_ Church, he'd at least get married in _a_ church.

So they'd scheduled for January, but January and February had seen Steve in Asgard, trying to hold off a crisis across the nine realms, and had ended in a four week long battle that had nearly finished him. He wasn't immortal. Steve had returned more battle weary than he'd ever been.

He smiled now, and it wasn't only because he'd arrived at her level, it was at the memory of returning to earth, limping, but standing, and Maria had been there. She had smiled at him, then run to him and thrown herself into his arms. She had never done that before. When they returned from SHIELD missions, they had to maintain a level of professionalism, and that certainly never allowed for greetings like that one.

He stood outside her door, here at the end of March, almost afraid to knock. Afraid to find out what thing would keep them from their wedding now. He cringed inwardly as he thought of Darcy's words at the Tower before he and the other men left for the Knicks game, Steve's approved choice for a bachelor party.

"Maybe fate's trying to tell you guys something," she'd said, and Jane had chastised her, even as Thor and Clint gave her thunderous looks.

Taking a deep breath he raised his hand to knock when the door swung open.

Maria stood before him in a t-shirt and sweats, no shoes, her hair, growing out since she'd cut it short after it was burned in the attack, was coming out of a pony tail in wild strands. She looked flushed and seemed to be breathing heavily. In her hand was a garbage bag.

"Oh, Steve," she exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

When he didn't give a reply, she spoke again.

"Is everything alright?"

In his mind, Steve searched for the answer to her question, but all he could think of was how beautiful she looked, and how he simply wanted to take her back into the apartment and do with her all the things they'd been putting off.

"Steve?" She stepped toward him, concern evident on her face.

She raised her hand to touch his face and he leaned into it. Then he reached up and took her hand and pressed his lips to her palm. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. She was OK. He realized now that half his fear centered on something terrible happening to her again to postpone the wedding.

He took the trash bag from her hands and walked down the hall to the garbage chute. He dropped it in and returned to her. She still looked worried, so he gave her a slight smile, then took her hand and pulled her back into her apartment.

He chuckled when he saw the vacuum in the middle of the room, the furniture in disarray, the cleaning bottles on the kitchen counter, and the old rags in a bucket in the corner.

"I have to have it clean when I move out, and since Jasper's moving my furniture to the tower, well, I just wanted to make sure I got my deposit back," she explained, though both knew that wasn't the reason.

He turned and pulled her into his arms. He wasn't sure how long they stood there, but he was jerked from his thoughts by Maria's statement.

"Steve, you're scaring me, is everything alright?"

Taking another deep breath he tried to tell her, yes, everything was fine, but it wasn't.

"I'm so terrified that something's going to happen to stop the wedding tomorrow," he told her.

She smiled a sad smile at him.

"Me, too," she said, and she pressed herself against him.

They stood, holding each other, for a few moments, until Steve got the nerve to ask what he'd come to ask.

"Can I stay here tonight?" He asked, then went on, quickly. "I'll sleep on the couch. I just want to make sure nothing happens."

"No," she said, and Steve understood, even though he was bitterly disappointed.

"The couch is too small for you," he heard her laugh.

"I'm not trying to," he started but she pulled away slightly and put her fingers on his lips.

"I know," she said. "And I'm glad you came. I've been going crazy with worry about tomorrow."

He leaned down and kissed her gently.

"Let's not worry anymore," he said.

She smiled and nodded.

Steve pulled his phone out and pressed the music app. He picked a Harry James album he knew they both liked then set the phone on the kitchen counter.

"Dance?" He asked, simply.

"I'm not really dressed," she stammered but he interrupted.

"It's just here," he said. "We don't need fancy clothes."

"OK," she smiled.

"How about I take my shoes off, though, so I don't step on your feet?"

He went to the bedroom to leave his shoes. It hadn't changed much since the first time he was in the room, nearly a year ago. The only difference was a stack of moving boxes in the corner. He sat on the bed and removed his shoes and socks. Setting them on the floor at the foot of the bed, and tossed his coat onto the bed, he turned to leave when he noticed the picture was still hanging.

He smiled. It was the sketch he'd made of her in the park all those years ago, before he'd got the nerve to tell her how he felt. She was sleeping on the blanket where they'd had a picnic, it was the first time he'd seen her completely relaxed. He had fantasized that day that she had relaxed because of him, because she felt the same things he did.

He walked back out to the living room. Maria looked as if she'd tried to clean up, her hair was brushed, and pulled back into a pony tail. She had obviously washed her hands and face and had applied some lipstick. He shook his head.

"You didn't have to do that," he said. "You looked beautiful."

"And I don't now?" she tilted her head and smirked.

Steve lowered his head and shook it.

"I always walk into that, don't I?"

She stepped up to him and took his hands in hers, she placed one on her hip and put her hand on his shoulder and he started to lead her around the room.

They began to dance while _As Long As I Have You _played.

"This is my favorite place to dance," he smiled down at her.

"Really," she didn't look like she believed him.

He nodded.

"This is where you taught me to dance," he said. "That's when I knew."

Steve stopped speaking as they continued around the small room, unsure he could get the words out. How could he hope to tell her, to convey fully everything she was to him? He never thought he did it right, or enough. He took a deep breath and tried again.

"Maria, I have always thought you the most fascinating person I've met since waking from the ice." He smiled at the tinge of color that rose to her cheeks as he spoke.

"I am so thankful you let me close to you. I know you didn't have to, that you were just fine before I came into your life."

Fury's words in Munich replayed in Steve's mind, "She was a perfectly fine agent before you came along."

"But this, us, has meant more to me than I ever thought possible," he continued, as in the back of his mind he marveled at how dancing with her had become second nature and he didn't have to think of the steps as he spoke with her.

"If something happens tomorrow, something that delays the wedding again, I just want you to know that, as long as you're OK, I won't be upset. There is no one else for me, and if I have to wait, again, I'll wait."

He kissed her as an instrumental version of Ain't Misbehavin' began to play, and they danced together in silence for several minutes.

"You're wrong on one point," she said. "And I told Fury he was wrong, too."

Steve looked at her in surprise.

"Yeah," she laughed softly, and smiled at him. "Fury had to brag how he was looking out for me."

She reached her hand to his neck to pull him down to kiss her.

Resuming their dance, she continued.

"I wasn't fine at all before you came along," she explained. "I thought I was. I probably could have gone the rest of my life, if you hadn't come into it, and never known how much a mess I was. Mostly how alone I was. I thought I had friends, and I did. But I've never had anyone I knew I could trust implicitly. Not just with SHIELD work, I know I can trust Phil and Jasper and Clint, even Natasha, with that. But with myself, I never trusted anyone with myself."

Steve stopped and looked in amazement at Maria. He wasn't even sure how to respond to what she had said. She had been far more open with him since he'd returned from Asgard, but this was, he knew, everything.

He reached up to touch her face. He wanted to say something, but he didn't know where to begin. Instead, he leaned down to kiss her gently. He kept the kiss as innocent as he could manage. He forced himself to stop and pulled away to rest his forehead to hers.

They danced for several more slow songs, until Steve felt Maria stifle a yawn. Then he took a steadying breath and suggested they go to bed.

"I need a shower," she said and Steve forced away the image his mind attempted to conjure.

"I'll go get my bag," he said.

He left and took the keys with him, but he planned on taking his time. He was testing his limits enough by sleeping in her bed tonight, he didn't need to see her walk out of the shower.

It was still freezing at night. But the cold hadn't bothered Steve for years. He walked slowly down the street to his car taking in the neighborhood he'd known for years now. Steve had argued that they should live in Maria's apartment, but she wouldn't have it. She had a list of sound reasons why it was more practical to live The Tower and Steve didn't have the heart to force the matter, even though her main reason was for him to be around the first friends he'd had here.

He finally arrived at his car and grabbed his duffel bag out of the trunk. Then he slowly walked back, hoping Maria would be finished by the time he returned.

* * *

**A/N: Yes, as a matter of fact, I did find several ways to keep them from getting married...for a while, at least. :) But, if you read "The Right Partner" I think you should have at least suspected it wouldn't be November. **

**Anyway, as I mentioned, this is part of a longer story so it's sort of plucked from the middle. But I'm not giving any hints as to what happens next except to say I did move the wedding story from day 26 to day 21. :)**


	21. From This Moment

**A/N: The original list doesn't have this until #26, but for the purpose of my story line, I have moved it here.**

**As with yesterday's story, this is part of a larger story so I've edited it to fit into the short story idea. Hopefully, the parts I chose will make sense. It is one of only two stories that will be told from both Steve's and Maria's POV. **

**he title is from the single best wedding song ever written. I prefer the version with Shania Twain and Bryan White. It makes more sense as a wedding song that way. :)**

* * *

Steve left Maria's after breakfast. He'd waited for Natasha to arrive to help Maria get into her wedding dress. But he knew he wasn't fooling anyone. Both women knew he simply wanted to make sure nothing happened before the wedding. Natasha had given him a smile and assured Steve she'd have Maria there on time.

Now, he paced nervously in the room located at the side in the front of the chapel. He'd already sent Tony to check on Maria twice in the thirty minutes since they'd arrived. He was waiting for his best man to return now. When the door opened he spun toward it. Instead of Tony, however, it was Phil entering the room. He smiled his bland smile and quirked an eyebrow at Clint and Bruce, who both took the cue and excused themselves.

A million scenarios of what had gone wrong ran through Steve's mind instantly. His heart felt like it was in his throat and his hands were cold and clammy. He might not know what it was but it must be horrible if Phil had come to tell him, not Tony. An accident, a kidnapping, worse, something terrible had happened, and Steve attempted to calm himself so he could be ready to take action if needed.

"Sit down, Steve," Phil said, pointing to a chair against the wall.

As soon as Phil said it, Steve felt the need for it. His legs felt like rubber and he wasn't sure if he could stand.

"Ok," Phil said when Steve sat. "Now calm down."

Steve looked up sharply at him.

"It's just another thirty minutes," Phil continued.

"You mean you're not here," Steve started, but didn't want to say the rest, just in case he misunderstood.

"She's fine," Phil said.

Steve nodded, wanting to believe him, needing to believe him, but part of him wouldn't be satisfied until he saw her himself.

"If it will take your mind off things, I'll give you the father of the bride talk I've been meaning to but haven't yet," Phil sat in a chair opposite Steve and leaned back.

Steve allowed himself a brief chuckle.

"You never have to worry about me hurting her," Steve said.

Phil nodded.

"I know you would never do anything intentionally," Phil said, then took a deeper breath before continuing.

"There are things in this business," Phil said. "Things that aren't black and white."

Steve knew, he and Maria had talked about this, how they'd handle classified ops and some of the less savory parts of her work.

"One day, it _will_ become an issue," Phil said, then shook his head.

"Maybe knowing what I had to say is why I put it off," he went on.

He looked at Steve and the super soldier found himself surprised at the level of emotion he saw on Phil's face.

"I didn't want to scare you off, or make you question your relationship," Phil told him. "I've never seen Maria so happy."

Phil swallowed back his emotion.

"I know that decisions Fury and I made after New York upset her, and rightly so. I thought I was protecting her. I didn't want her to get her hopes up."

Phil lowered his head and shook it.

"I really suck at this," he laughed as he lifted his head.

Steve smiled encouragingly. He did want to know what Phil had to say. And it wasn't as if he hadn't been expecting something like this. He'd already had the "older brother" lecture from Jasper, and Steve knew full well where Fury stood.

"It feels weird telling you how to behave," Phil quirked half a smile. "For my whole life I've always looked to you to kind of tell me what to do, how to act, what was right and wrong."

Steve felt himself grow warm. He'd known how Phil felt, but to hear it was another thing entirely.

"Choosing that way has meant I will never get above my rank in SHIELD," he confessed to Steve.

Steve knew where he was going with his speech now. It was an argument he'd had with Tony multiple times. SHIELD's secrets had secrets, and people like Maria were charged with keeping them, regardless. He had wrestled with it time and again since they'd started dating. He felt he now had a very good handle on it, that his love for Maria trumped anything that might happen as a result of her job.

"One day, something will happen, some information, some op, _something_ will happen that blurs the lines for you too much," Phil gave Steve a hard look now. "I know, because it's happened to me too many times to count."

He leaned forward and rested his hands on his knees.

"I expect that's why Fury didn't want me to be your handler," he admitted. "I might have said things that would have made you question SHIELD."

"Then why do you stay?" Steve asked, curious now.

"Because, at the end of the day, I believe what they say they stand for, and I have seen the work I do make a difference," Phil told him. "No job is perfect, but I can do more good here for more people."

Steve smiled at him. He wasn't entirely comfortable with the way SHIELD handled some things, but he agreed with Phil's assessment.

"One day," Phil continued. "It won't be enough."

He paused, as if for emphasis, looking straight at Steve.

"For either of us."

Steve nodded.

"When that day comes, I hope," Phil stopped again, looking as if he was trying to find the right words.

"Please don't cut and run from her."

Steve opened his mouth to promise but was taken again by Phil's unusual emotions. It was somewhat of a joke around SHIELD that Maria had asked Phil to give her away. He wondered if anyone there could begin to fathom what these two meant to each other.

"She probably won't make it easy, you know how she gets," Phil smiled slightly at him. "Just trust her and stay by her. Because if it happens the way I've always imagined, she'll need you more than she ever did before. But I doubt she will tell you that. More likely than not she'll think she needs to find some way to protect you from any sort of fallout."

He shook his head again and leaned back in his chair.

"She loves you," Phil said as he finished.

Steve wasn't sure how to process what Phil had told him. Was this conjecture, Phil playing out scenarios in his own mind, or was something really going to happen? Steve knew better than to ask, he'd never get an answer right now.

He noticed that Phil was staring at him and knew he was waiting for some sort of response.

Steve nodded, then he stood. He suddenly felt as if he'd been given a challenge, as if Phil had given him some impossible task he knew no one else was capable of, only Steve.

He put out his hand, and Phil stood and took it.

"I love her," Steve said. "I don't expect things to be easy, but I'm not the type to quit when they get difficult."

Phil smiled, and Steve got the feeling he was attempting to be reassuring, but wasn't quite sure if Steve truly understood. Steve would just have to prove himself when the time came.

There was a knock at the door and Clint opened it.

"Ready?" he smiled.

"I'd better get back to Maria," Phil said.

He nodded one final time to Steve, then left as while Steve followed Clint out to the front of the church to wait. He tried to push aside the concerns Phil had brought to his mind, his sudden doubt as to whether or not he could be what Maria needed when she needed him.

They hadn't planned the usual processional. Maria convincing Jasper to be her own best man had changed that. Instead the whole party, except Maria and Phil, were standing in the front of the small church, the few friends they'd invited, and who'd been able to alter their schedule a third time, in the first rows of pews.

Steve took a deep breath as the music Maria had picked for her walk up the aisle started to play, the. The doors opened and, as the guests stood, Steve got his first glimpse of her in her dress. It was elegant in its simplicity. Covered in white lace, modest, as always. She wore no veil, instead she had a wreath of white carnations* on her head. She smiled at him as she saw his face register the meaning of the flowers.

As she walked down the aisle beside Phil, all the fears Steve d had leading up to this vanished from his mind. Instead, he could only think of how lucky he was to have this one woman in his life. He couldn't think of anyone else who could have so perfectly filled the emptiness he'd felt since waking from the ice than Maria, because he didn't know anyone else who could understand his loneliness so well.

* * *

Maria sat in the small bridal room in the foyer of the church. Things had gone far more smoothly this morning than she had thought they would.

It certainly hadn't hurt to wake in Steve's arms, she smiled to herself.

When Natasha had arrived, Maria had her first real attack of nerves and she wouldn't stop babbling. It had seemed so strange to her, she had never babbled, never been that out of control of her thoughts that they just couldn't stop pouring out of her mouth.

Natasha had taken most of it in good humor, but by the time Maria had chastised herself the fifteenth time for not letting the wedding take place in December, the assassin simply gave her a look in the mirror as she was buttoning up the back of the dress. Maria tried to remain silent after that but every once in a while something would spill over, then she would blush, worse than she'd ever seen Steve blush.

Happy arrived to take them to the church. Maria was surprised, since he was supposed to be a guest. But he and Natasha told him that Tony insisted, that none of them trusted another driver to get her there. Maria tried not to consider the negative implication. She and Steve weren't the only ones worried about how things would end today.

Pepper and Jasper were in the car waiting. In forty minutes they were at the church and Maria wasn't the only one breathing a sigh of relief.

She was waiting on Phil now. He'd gone to assure Steve after her groom-to-be had sent Tony twice to check on her. Natasha, Pepper, and Jasper had already gone into the church.

Maria tried not to let her thoughts get away from her. She tried to focus on the good that was happening today. She still found it so hard to believe though. She had never considered this sort of happiness before she met Steve. She'd been content to let her job be her life, it had been better than her old life, and that was all she thought she needed.

Then Steve had walked in and changed her, made her think there might be more to life than just work, than just protecting the free world. And he had convinced her by making her life more full than anyone else ever had.

The door opened and Phil walked in.

"Ready?" he asked.

She nodded and Phil helped her stand.

"Have I told you how beautiful you look?"

She nodded again, noting that her voice seemed to have left her.

He smiled at her, then held out his arm for her to put hers through.

They walked to the doors and waited for the music to start. Phil patted her hand that had his arm in a death grip and Maria tried to relax. Everything would be fine, she assured herself. This was what Steve wanted, she was what Steve wanted.

The music started and the wedding coordinator opened the doors for the two to walk through. Maria glanced up at Steve and saw when he recognized the flowers and understood their meaning. After that she forgot her nerves, forgot her fears.

Later at the reception as she and Phil shared a dance he would comment that he had never seen her smile as she had in the wedding and he hoped she'd be able to continue to smile like that for many years to come.

"I'm not going to be easier on you at work, if that's what you're trying to infer," she smirked.

Phil laughed.

"I didn't think we'd get off that easily."

_*white carnations=the strength and enduring qualities of love (There are three meanings I could find for this flower, this is the meaning I'm using. :))_

* * *

**A/N: Sorry if that seems cut off, as I said, this is part of a longer story that will be posted some time in the far future. I have to post all the stories that keep them from getting here, first. :)**

**In the WiP section: I am done with my chapter for the Avengers/HIMYM crossover. I just need to find a paragraph I lost. Yeah, I sometimes misplace paragraphs. And sometimes I let my participles dangle. It's embarrassing. :*)**


	22. I Can't Help Myself

**A/N: Don't worry. This story may start to sound like it's turning M, but it really is T. I'm keeping all the stories at the T level, or lower. **

**That tantalizing tidbit tossed out, this story takes place shortly after the wedding, maybe about two months later. **

**Title from the song by The Four Tops.**

* * *

Maria stepped off the elevator into the apartment in Avengers Tower. She appreciated that the elevator opened directly into the dwelling instead of into a common room or hallway where she might run into someone when she was only trying to get home. The lift was still the same private lift to all the Avengers' levels, but, as Avengers were the only ones with access, she rarely saw anyone. Of course, keeping odd hours didn't hurt. There was not a whole lot of activity anywhere in the Tower at 2:30 in the morning.

But apparently there was in her apartment. She had smelled the oatmeal butterscotch chip cookies the moment the doors had slid open. Judging from the sounds coming from the kitchen, the cook was still working.

She pushed open the door. She really wanted just to go to bed, she'd been up for nearly 24 hours and her head was throbbing. She hoped a cookie might help make up for her skipped dinner. As she made her way to the cooling rack, Steve walked back in through the door on the other side of the kitchen.

Maria stopped, cookies and exhaustion immediately forgotten at the sight of her husband in nothing but an apron and, oh, did he _have_ anything on under the apron?

Maria felt her face flush as he smiled and walked toward her, taking him into her arms. She slipped his arms around his waist, noting, with slight disappointment, that he had boxers on under the apron.

"I couldn't sleep," he said before he pulled back slightly and leaned down to kiss her.

It took only seconds for the kiss to begin to turn into something more. Maria wondered when she would no longer marvel at her desire for him. She'd had lovers before, but not one had ever interested her for long. She'd heard women in the locker rooms at SHIELD bragging about how their man made them want to stay home all the time. She'd thought they were exaggerating. She still did.

Their honeymoon had been nothing like she'd feared. She had worked herself into a pitch over her scars, but Steve had turned the sensitive skin around them into places of pleasure and she'd never bothered to worry about it again. Instead it was two weeks of bliss, and, no, she hadn't wanted to come back.

She hadn't wanted to be apart from him for a minute. When they were apart, they could talk all they wanted, but it wasn't the same. And it wasn't just the sex, it was the way Steve could communicate things to her with just a touch, the way they were learning each other, the way she could allow him to give to her then when it was so difficult at other times.

Steve lifted her onto the counter, her jacket coming off quickly and onto the floor, when the timer for the oven rang.

They pulled apart, gasping for breath. Steve gave her a quick kiss before he turned away from her to take the cookies from the oven.

He slid the new cookies onto the cooling rack as Maria jumped down off the counter.

"Want a cookie?" he asked, picking up one of the cooler ones.

Maria just shook her head and began to unbutton her pants. She smiled a wry smile as Steve's eyes shuttered, watching her unzip, then push them down around her hips, her thighs.

He made one last attempt at a cognitive thought.

"So, I guess I rank higher than butterscotch," he said

She smiled seductively at him, then pulled her feet out of her pants one at a time, leaving the garment where she'd stood and walked toward him.

She slipped her arms back around him and pulled at the tie of the apron.

"I really want to say something pithy, even witty, right now," Steve managed, though he sounded winded. "But, um, my mind is, um."

She pulled back from him as she slipped the apron strap up over his head, then dropped it on the floor. She slid her hands around the waistband of his shorts and he gasped and shuddered.

"No more comment than that needed," she smirked as began to kiss his chest.

"Maria, I," he moaned, but said no more as he pulled her face to his and kissed her.

They didn't last long after that, and as they sat on the sofa, wrapped in a blanket while they nibbled the cookies and watched the sunrise, Maria wondered again at her life. If anyone had told her when she was starting at SHIELD that one day she would have more than even what she dreamed, she never would have believed them.

She finished her last cookie and wiped her hands and face on the napkin Steve handed her. Then she snuggled into the blanket to get closer to him. She tucked her head under his chin and breathed in his scent. He smelled of sex, and them, and butterscotch, and flour. And something uniquely Steve, that part of him that lingered with her wherever she went.

* * *

**A/N: Oh, my. That was so sweet. Wasn't that sweet? I'm just enjoying all the sweetness in this story. It's just so super-sweet. I really hope you loved all that sweet stuff.**

**Yes, I'm going to be true to my profile picture now. :)**


	23. A Matter of Trust

**A/N: I reached my limit for stories here at FFN apparently. Had to delete an old one (internally) just to post one. Now I will have no access to it. Just one more reason I prefer AO3 and FFN really should reconsider the way they do things (btw, it looks nicer over at AO3, as well, so reading is more pleasant which is why I mostly read there. :)) PS You can also respond to anonymous comments there AND your replies are public, as are the other person's. **

**Anyway...**

**This story, and the two chapters following, are taken from a larger story, a _much_ larger story. So there will be a lot of pieces missing. I tried to make it make as much sense as possible, and also began to foreshadow it back in chapter 10. The funny thing is that the story ended up changing as I pulled it apart. I originally had Fury go "AWOL" as had at least once been done in the comics, and Maria and Sitwell run SHIELD via his LMD. But as I was writing this part out, the dude showed up. Idiot. Why do my characters just "show up?" *sigh* ;D**

**And, I suppose, now is as good a time as any to point out that Sitwell is, and will always be, a good guy in all my stories, unless I make a mention of him in an MCU compliant story. I loved Cap2, but I hated/loathed/despised what they did with Jasper. As one person over at AO3 pointed out "A Latino Nazi?" Seriously.**

**Title from the Billy Joel song.**

* * *

The cacophony of gunfire was deafening. Maria could hear nothing being yelled into the comm, and she had no idea where anyone besides Sitwell was. Jasper was pinned down with her around the end of a corridor in the covert research facility in the backwoods of Wisconsin.

She'd known this mission was going to go sideways from the time it landed on her desk. There would be no avoiding it, and she only hoped she could keep the casualties on the SHIELD side to low double digits. In that vein, she'd requested the Avengers' assistance.

She hadn't informed them what the research was, only that it was a long thought abandoned SHIELD resource that someone had illegally restarted. Still, the look Tony had given her at the briefing told her he suspected exactly what was going on.

Sitwell traded places with her as she pulled back behind the wall to reload. About now would be a good time for Tony or someone else to show up.

Maria was jerked from her thoughts by the clanking noise of metal bouncing against tile and Jasper swearing then jumping on her as a grenade ricocheted off the wall and around their corner. There was nowhere to go. She covered her face and hoped she'd live to make this all up to Steve.

She heard, and felt, a thud, then the grenade exploded scattering debris from the floor and wall. Her ears were ringing, but as far as she could tell, she was physically intact. She looked over her shoulder and at first could only see Jasper smiling, then he stood, or, more accurately, was lifted off her.

Steve stood over her, hand offered in help. She reached up and grabbed it, then she and Jasper followed Steve down the corridor where the guards had been firing on them moments earlier. There was no gunfire now, the guards either assumed the grenade had done its work, or they didn't like their chances against Captain America.

At the end, the hallway split off in two directions. A gunshot to the right drew the trio's attention. They were all surprised to see Fury standing over a guard's body, gun in hand.

"Sir?" was really all Maria could think to say. Nick wasn't supposed to be here at all. Then her mind kicked into gear and she shot out verifications to him. She relaxed when he confirmed them all.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"We received a distress signal and I came in with the extraction team," Fury explained.

She gave him a confused look then turned to Steve who only shook his head. He knew of no one who'd signaled.

"We didn't send a signal," she said.

"I didn't figure any of you had," Fury said. "That's what made it suspicious and caused me to come in myself."

Maria thought that had been a very bad decision. If someone had used their protocols to send a distress signal without her authorization, then they had a traitor in their midst and Fury had probably walked into a trap.

She looked up and saw he was waiting on her for orders. This was her op, after all.

"Jasper, take that corridor with Commander Fury, and get to the control room" she said. "The Captain and I will go the direction the guards seem to have gone.

"When you get to the control room," she went on. "You'll have eyes on everything and this will be easier."

They split up and Maria followed Steve after the guards. It had been a long time since the two had been on the ground together for an op. They had always been formal during ops and hadn't changed that since they'd married. Still, today she hated the distance using his title made her feel.

She followed Steve around the next corner. He held his shield up in one hand, his gun in the other. She'd reloaded her own gun as they'd left Fury and Sitwell and had it at the ready. In the silent hall, the ringing in her ears seemed louder. She could pay attention now to the little things, like the way her heart was pounding in her chest as she anticipated their next turn in the maze of corridors.

They met two guards in the next hallway and Steve shielded them as Maria took them both out.

"Impressive," he commented as they stepped over the bodies.

"Yeah, they all seem rather strong," she said, and hoped she didn't betray her fear. She was certain Steve still didn't know the use of this facility.

"I was referring to your marksmanship," Steve chuckled.

She glanced up at him in surprise. Something more must have shown on her face because he furrowed his brow and held out a hand to her.

"Is something wrong, Maria?" he asked quietly.

She took a deep breath and shook her head. Stepping past the bodies, she squeezed Steve's hand briefly before continuing down the hall.

They found Stark and Pym in one of the labs. Tony gave Maria a surprisingly sympathetic look as she walked in. He'd never been happy with her for asking him to keep what he'd known under wraps for so long. She'd been able to hold him off for nearly a year, promising it was part of a deeper investigation. Once Steve found out she'd known about this as long as she had and didn't do anything to shut it down, even Tony understood how serious the fallout from that would be.

"Figure out what they did here?" Steve asked them.

Maria noted the look Hank gave Tony and the slight shake of the head Tony returned.

"We're just getting a look now, Cap," Tony lied, and Maria hoped Steve would miss it.

Fortunately, Natasha chose that moment to join them.

"Fury and Sitwell are in the control room," she reported. "They haven't seen anything on the cams and they're downloading the files that are left."

"Did the lab staff get onto the quinjets for prison transport?" Maria asked.

Natasha nodded.

"Finish securing the facility," Maria said. "You too, Captain."

Steve nodded and followed Natasha out of the lab. If he'd thought anything amiss he didn't indicate it.

Pym was looking between her and Stark now with far too much curiosity for Maria's liking.

"Is it all there?" she asked the pair.

Tony nodded.

"Are you going to explain why we couldn't say anything in front of Captain America?" Pym asked, and the way he said 'Captain America' made Maria feel a twinge of guilt, as if she didn't trust Steve with the information.

"He'll know soon enough," Maria explained.

"He deserves to know what SHIELD has been doing with his blood samples," Pym argued.

"Hank," Tony started.

"And you?" Pym turned to Ironman now. "You've known about this haven't you? None of this was a surprise to you."

"We can explain later, doctor," Maria cut into his rant. "For now we simply need all the paperwork stored and transported."

"Want copies?" Tony asked.

Maria shook her head.

"I think I have enough without it," she replied and cringed inwardly at the look Hank gave her.

She turned and left to check how the ground agents were doing but she didn't get far before Jasper's frantic voice came over the private comm.

"Hill, Fury's down," he yelled.

"Are you still in the control room?" she asked as she pivoted and turned in that direction.

"Yes," he replied. "I got the shooter but it's an abdominal shot and he's bleeding badly."

"I'll call Dr. Ames," she said then switched over to summon him to the control room while taking off in a run.

She and the doctor arrived together and she shouted her verification through the door for Jasper who opened it after a moment.

The doctor got to work while Jasper gave her a report. When he was done, Maria hesitated. She knew what she had to do, but she hated it. The other side had played its hand earlier than expected. Or maybe it was later and she'd just been hopeful for a few extra months.

"We have to get him to a safe house," she told Jasper. "I'll need you and Dr. Ames to go with him and stay. I'll send one more agent with you."

"You have someone you can trust with this?"

Maria nodded and summoned the agent.

A few minutes later, Agent Sharon Carter arrived. Maria gave her the abridged version of what was happening and why. They needed her to cover with Maria as Jasper brought the quinjet within range for transport as soon as Fury could be moved. Maria was hoping that they could use the cover of the other transports leaving to avoid detection.

"Wouldn't it be wise to have one of the Avengers assist?" Sharon questioned.

Maria shook her head. She needed to keep them as far away from things as possible. She'd only had them help in order to save lives.

"At least Steve could be of help," Sharon began and her use of his name under formal circumstances grated on Maria.

Sharon grated on her under any circumstance, though, so she wasn't surprised. It was personal and, frankly, stupid, even Maria thought so. Sharon was no threat to her and Steve, she never had been. Bruce had been the one to point out to her, when he'd tuned in on her frustration, that it would be more than a little weird for Steve to be interested his late girlfriend's niece, even if he wasn't with Maria.

But something in Maria's subconscious wouldn't let it go. And now that she was facing the task of admitting all the secrets she'd been keeping from Steve and all the lies she'd been telling to cover them up, Sharon loomed as a huge threat.

"The Captain," Maria emphasized Steve's title. "Is needed elsewhere."

* * *

Maria finally made it home two days later at three in the morning. She had the key out and was ready to push it into the lock when the door opened and Steve pulled her into his embrace.

"I missed you," he said, and she smiled a sad smile under cover of his arms.

"I missed you, too," she said as he pulled away and led her inside, closing and locking the door behind them.

"Everything settled with Nick?" he asked.

She almost panicked before realizing he was referring to the excuse she'd made. No, she reminded herself, the lie she'd told him.

"Yeah," she said. "I got it worked out."

Which was partially true. She'd gone to DC as soon as she finished her end in Wisconsin, and activated Fury's LMD. Then she covered for Sitwell's and Carter's absences by filing paperwork for a non-existent mission she'd been using as her own cover for years now.

In the end, Maria was glad Sharon had been in Wisconsin. It had given Maria an excuse to send Sharon away without her, or anyone else, being the wiser. At least she wouldn't be caught up in what was about to happen. Though Maria was certain her relief was entirely selfish. It was one less reason for Steve to be angry when everything went to hell later today.

She felt his hands fall on her shoulders as they walked to the bedroom. Maria relaxed back into him.

"Tired?" He leaned down and whispered in her ear.

She smiled and turned to face him.

"Not terribly," she said, as she ran her hands up his arms to his neck and pulled him down for a kiss.

From the beginning of their marriage, the bed was the one place Maria let Steve give her everything she wanted. He had insisted and, for reasons she never understood, she allowed it. But tonight she couldn't. Despite his protests and insistence, she gave him everything she knew he wanted, the way he liked it, slow, steady. And when he cried out her name it took every ounce of internal fortitude Maria had not to break down.

Hours later, as the room began to slowly brighten as the sunlight crept around the curtains, Maria still lay awake. Her head rested on Steve's chest. She tried to think of all the things she had to do this day, not about how doing them would cause her to lose the only thing she'd ever allowed herself to have, the only person she'd ever loved this deeply.

"What's wrong?" Steve asked. "You didn't sleep."

She allowed the softness of his voice to wash over her. It had always been different. Just like Steve was different, so unlike any other person she'd known. From the first time she'd met him that late night in the gym at SHIELD's old New York headquarters, his voice had affected her.

"Just a lot going on," she said.

At least it was only a sin of omission, she thought.

"Anything to do with Wisconsin?" he asked.

"Partially," she admitted.

He didn't ask any more questions. He knew her well enough by now to know when she could be open with information and when she couldn't.

She took a deep breath and sighed.

"I need to get into the shower," she said.

"Me too," he said and she looked up at him and tilted her head.

"I do need to get into work, as well," she reminded him.

"You were working 48-hours without a break," he complained. "You can be late."

"Not as late as taking a shower with you can make me," she told him as she attempted to extricate herself from his embrace.

But Steve pulled her down on top of him, then pulled her face to his for a kiss.

"I promise to be good this time," he said with a pout.

Maria chuckled and wondered how on earth his mother ever resisted that look.

Then she looked back at him and smiled seductively before kissing him again.

"You're _good_ all the time," she said, then pulled away and walked to the bath.

"I'll take that as a yes," Steve laughed and hurried after her.

Steve kept his promise, he was very good.

Maria was very late for work**.**


	24. Love the Way You Lie

**A/N: Part 2 of the story. As I mentioned yesterday this is part of a much larger story and I have attempted to summarize the parts that apply to the prompts. I chose this particular story due to this prompt, and my desire to keep the stories T or lower. They have a bigger fight earlier in their marriage but the, um, making up part is M and really, if I edited it down there'd be no making up part. (Not sure if I'll ever get the nerve up to post that part. :D) **

**The title is from the Eminem/Rhianna song. The song is a bit more intense than the fight but, as usual, I couldn't come up with anything better.**

**Please R&amp;R.**

* * *

Maria knelt in front of the burning fireplace. The heat on her face a direct contrast to the air conditioning blowing on her back. She could have used the micro-shredder to destroy the files she currently tossed, one page at a time, into the flames, but she supposed the fire was far more symbolic for the actions she had set into motion today.

She heard the apartment door open behind her but she didn't turn to look at Steve. His surprise and shock as she'd laid everything out for him and Tony earlier had been enough to deal with. Now, she knew, he would want more answers. She didn't really want to give them, but he deserved to know why she'd been lying to him from the moment they'd met.

He didn't come over to her, instead he stopped at the kitchen counter. She heard him set down his keys then felt his eyes boring into the back of her head. She kept her gaze steady on her task and waited.

"Is it safe to talk here?" he finally asked after a deep sigh.

"It's always been safe to talk here," she said.

And so she began her first confession.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"This used to be one of my safe houses," she explained.

There was an expected pause before he spoke.

"I thought," then he stopped.

"No, it wasn't just good fortune that made the apartment available," she said.

She could actually hear him rub his hands across his face as he let out an exasperated groan.

They never fought, at least not like Pepper and Tony, or Jane and Thor. But they did fight. It was quiet, almost subdued, but could be just as painful if they weren't cautious with their words. They were both people who had a tight rein on their emotions, so hollering and ranting simply didn't happen. But Maria felt his silence louder than scream.

"What are you destroying?" he asked.

"Not evidence," she quipped.

He paused for another breath and Maria chastised herself for the unnecessary remark.

"They're files of deep cover agents," she told him. "When the Feds sweep through they won't care what information they leak or who they expose. I've already expunged the information from the database."

He was silent again for several minutes.

"Maria," he said, and she thought the tone of his voice would be her undoing.

Now was not the time for sentiment.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked again.

"Someone has to," she said.

"But you can't take the fall for all of this," he complained.

It was certainly not what she'd expected. She'd expected him to be cold to her, she had lied to him for years, after all. Sure, she had done what she could to protect him and to distance the Avengers from SHIELD while there was still time. But what did that compare to all the terrible secrets she'd kept. Secrets like the research being done in the lab in Wisconsin. For that alone he should hate her. She'd known about it for over two years, and suspected it longer before she'd been able to get a location.

Maria finished with the last file and stood as she watched the Manila folder curl up around the edges then quickly succumb to the flames. She thought that was how her heart felt right now. She had played with the fire, skirting it for years, thinking she could contain it for just another day. But that had only been for selfish reasons. She hadn't wanted Steve to know, hadn't wanted to lose him any earlier than she must. She should have handed over what she knew earlier, before it came to this.

"Where's Nick?" Steve interrupted her thoughts.

"With Sitwell and Carter," she said and she looked over at him now.

The look of concern on his face at the mention of Sharon was like a knife to Maria's heart. She knew he felt responsible for her more than any other agent. She was Peggy's niece, something of a link to his past.

"Are they safe?"' he asked.

Maria nodded.

"No one will be able to find them," she said. "They'll come back when Fury's recovered enough."

"But that will be too late," he said and took a step toward her.

Maria stepped away from him and steeled herself at the hurt in his eyes at her actions. He clenched and unclenched his fists as he looked at her. She could see when he set his jaw and she walked around the opposite end of the sofa. She had no intention of letting him change her mind, and that's what he seemed set on, for whatever reason, she couldn't understand.

"What about you?" he asked through his clenched teeth.

Maria only shook her head.

"What about us?" he asked, and this time he didn't let her movements away from him stop him.

He grabbed her arm and made her to look at him. She forced herself to remain emotionless as he searched her face for any reaction.

"It doesn't have to be this way," he said. "This is an unnecessary sacrifice."

"And who would you have take my place?" She raised her chin in defiance as she spoke.

"Hammer's a good one to start with," he said.

Maria only shook her head.

"He'll get his, Steve," she said.

"Why do you always do this?" he asked. Half angry, half frustrated.

"Do what?"

"Always sacrifice yourself for the greater good?"

His pain was evident in his face and voice as he choked out the words.

"Asks the man who sacrificed even his own life for the same," she commented dryly.

Something about her statement affected Steve deeply and she saw raw need and hunger flash through his eyes and across his face. It was all she could do not to pull him to her. As it was, he took a step toward her, intending to pull her to him but she put a hand on his chest to push him back.

Maria knew her husband well. He would never force himself on her. Even after nearly three years of marriage, he still asked permission to make love to her, never wanting her to feel as if she didn't have a choice in the matter.

"I'm going to DC," she said, using every ounce of willpower she possessed to keep her voice steady.

He was supposed to hate her. He wasn't supposed to be looking at her like he wanted her. How could he still feel this way after everything she'd done?

But she had no time for any of this. She had to get to the airport and to the Triskelion. She had no idea when the president would act after Steve spoke to him sometime within the next few days. There were a lot of people she needed to make sure stayed out of the fray. But she, herself, was not one of them.

"You don't need to do this," Steve was pleading with her now.

"I do," Maria cut him off. "And you need to stay away from me."

The pain that flashed across his features shook her resolve. But too much was at stake for her to give in now.

"The world needs Captain America, and it needs him to be good and pure," she explained. "He can't be associated with someone like me."

If the pain she'd seen had been too much, the anger on his face set her on the precipice. She needed to get out now before she gave way to her heart.

She reached for the doorknob and he put his hand on top of hers. His face was in front of hers, their noses almost touching. She nearly laughed as she thought of all the other arguments they'd had, so many had ended like this, then led to something more. That couldn't happen today.

"Why?" he whispered, and his breath along her lips made her knees weak.

She took a deep breath and turned the knob to open the door.

"I'm a spy, Steve," she said, her gaze cold. "Lying and secret keeping are what I do best."

She opened the door and he stepped back. She couldn't look at him again, she would never make it across the threshold if she did.

She walked to the end of the hall and pushed the button to call the lift. He stood in the doorway, watching her. She knew he was suffering and that she was the cause, but there was nothing she could do. There was no other way.

The doors of the elevator slid open and Maria stepped inside, never turning back to Steve as she pressed the button for the lobby and the doors shut.


	25. I'll Stand by You

**A/N: This is the most obviously edited one of the three I pulled from this story. Definitely gaping holes, but I hope the idea of what's happening still is there. I cut where I did because it was supposed to be a story about making up. I actually did cut out part of the making up part and not just the sex. ;) In the story it's two-person POV so all the Steve parts have been removed since this story is only Maria's POV. Parts have also been removed because I don't want the whole story revealed right now. :D I hope it still make sense. :)**

**The title is from The Pretenders song.**

**Please R&amp;R.**

* * *

Maria remained in federal custody for two days after the Feds raided all SHIELD facilities on US soil. On the third day Agent Ching from the CIA showed up and Maria knew it would only be a matter of time before she was spirited out of the country for more "persuasive" interrogation.

When she was being questioned, or when she was in her isolated cell, Maria easily wore her stoic mask. She had been through worse, and had the scars to prove it, even if the CIA took her to one of their "secret" locations offshore, she'd never give them anything. They already had all the information she knew as it was, though they had no idea she'd been the one to compile it.

She'd made sure there was no way to connect her to the evidence. Someone on top had to take the fall. She knew how the politics worked. Even though she and Nick had nothing to do with it, one of them would have to hang to satisfy the blood lust the depth of the corruption would excite. She'd known that from about a year into her investigation, she supposed. But even then she really thought she'd figure a way out.

Maria's only problem was when she slept. She had no control what her sub-conscience would dredge up. It usually dredged up Steve. Tonight it dredged him up with her kidnapping nearly five years earlier. Only this time, instead of rescuing her he walked away. And, even though she knew that's how it had to be, in her dream she couldn't breathe from the pain.

She woke with a start, gasping for breath, expecting to find someone's hand around her throat. Instead there was only a man in a red mask. She closed her eyes for a moment, then shot them open again. She stared in shock at the masked man. It had to be a dream. Or, in the case of waking to find Deadpool looking at her, a continuation of her nightmare.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Rescuing you, princess," he replied.

When she only continued to stare at him he continued.

"This is the part where you say, 'Aren't you a little short for Captain America?'"

At the mention of Steve, Maria closed her eyes. She wondered how much worse it would be to go with the CIA than with Wade. Finally she decided she should at least hear his plan.

"So how exactly do you plan to get me out?" she asked.

There was a noise in the hallway and Wade sank back into the shadows, but the guard just walked past and didn't even look into her cell.

She was about to take up the conversation again when Wilson motioned to her to be silent. After a few minutes, Maria heard the lock on her room open. She looked up at Wade and he motioned to her that they were going to leave.

Once they were outside and well into the woods surrounding the facility, she asked how he had pulled that off. He only told her it was magic, but Maria highly doubted that. She thought about bolting and trying to get away on her own, but she knew that as soon as she was discovered missing everyone she might contact on the outside would be under surveillance. Maria didn't want to put any of her friends through that, so she didn't think she had much of a choice but to follow him.

They came to a clearing and Wade stopped her on the edge of the trees. They could see a limousine parked on the dirt road that ran back into the woods. Maria didn't know the car or the chauffeur waiting outside.

"There's your benefactor," Wade told her.

She turned to him and shook her head.

"I'm not going out there," she said. "I have no cover. I don't know them at all."

"Look," he said. "They paid to get you out. You don't really have a choice."

Maria wanted to explain just how many choices she had when Wade went on.

"I'll just follow you and drag you back," he said.

She hated when he could read her like that.

Taking a deep breath and hoping that whatever was about to happen wasn't worse than what the CIA had planned, she stepped out into the clearing. The chauffeur looked up as soon as she did.

"Aren't you coming?" she said to Wade.

"What kind of an idiot do you think I am?" was his reply before she was certain he took off in the opposite direction.

She was easy to see in her prison orange. But the chauffeur only appeared to be waiting for her. She walked steadily toward him and kept her face masked to show no emotion.

When she arrived at the car, the driver nodded at her in greeting, then opened the back door and indicated she should get in. She glanced in, but there were no lights. All she could make out was a tall man in the corner on the opposite end of the seat. He was wearing a large coat and a hat to further conceal his identity. She crawled in to face whatever it was that awaited her.

Once the door was shut, the man locked the back doors. She realized the car would be rigged to prevent any escape attempt. The driver got in and drove them back into the woods. She turned to face the man in the seat with her but she couldn't see his face. He said nothing for several minutes. Then they were on the on the parkway, heading east it appeared.

"Maria," the man finally spoke and Maria's heart nearly stopped.

She jerked her head back to look at him.

"Steve!" She exclaimed. "What are you doing?"

"They were going to take you out of the country in the morning," he said, removing his hat.

"I know," Maria told him, still upset that he was deviating from her plan like this.

He just gaped at her.

"You really don't have a problem with that, do you?" he said through clenched teeth.

"It's the way it has to be," she said snapped at him. "Would you rather I sacrifice Nick?"

Steve took a deep fortifying breath and turned to look out the window. They were both silent for several minutes.

Finally, Steve broke the silence.

"I can't let you do this to yourself," he said quietly.

"I don't have a choice, Steve," she replied. "You don't understand politics."

"No, I don't," he said. "But I do understand unnecessary sacrifices."

Maria huffed.

"Because you always make them," she remarked.

Steve was silent again and they drove further into the night, having turned south now. Maria wondered where they were headed. She no longer wondered who was driving, though. The moment she saw Steve she put it together. It had to be Tony in disguise. She smiled slightly at that thought. Who'd ever have thought Steve Rogers and Tony Stark would be partners in crime. She certainly hadn't called it at first.

"I've missed your smile," Steve said softly and his words caught Maria so off-guard that she reacted for a second before she could pull herself quickly together.

"You know," Steve continued. "I never understood why you used to think you weren't good enough for me."

Maria turned to him, her confusion evident on her face.

"We really are very much alike," he told her. "At least in the most important things."

She shook her head.

"We just accomplish those things in different ways," he said before she could get a rebuttal in.

Reaching across the seat, he took her hand in his. There was no hesitation as he pulled at her to try to make her move next to him. Maria swallowed down the emotion that was threatening her, but she didn't move. She couldn't. If she did she'd give herself over to it.

Instead, Steve moved closer to her until he sat right next to her. He reached up and touched her face. She was pinned between him and the door, there was no place she could go. She did know, however, that all it would take was one word from her and he would stop. She opened her mouth to say it, but no words would come out. Instead she stared into his blue eyes, so close, so full of love and desire.

"How many years will it take for me to convince you that I will love you regardless of what you do?"

His voice was barely a whisper heard over the rush of blood her quickly beating heart was pulsing through her. Steve leaned his face down and gently brushed her lips with his. She tried to resist, tried to remind herself what was at stake. But she found her body had hijacked her mental responses and she was returning the kiss and wrapping her arms around him.

Steve was merciless as he took possession of her mouth. And Maria gladly gave him everything. He pulled her into his lap and her hands acted of their own volition, unbuttoning his shirt. Somewhere in the back of her mind a voice tried to reason with her, screaming that she should stop if for no other reason than they were barreling down the highway in the backseat of a limousine driven by Tony Stark.

Maria had never been so reckless.

Steve had never been so reckless.

His hands reached for the hem of her prison shirt and he pulled it off her in less than a second. The rest of their clothes went quickly after that. And when they were spent they clung to each other as if at any moment they would be torn apart.

"I'm so sorry," Maria said, panting as she recovered her breath.

Steve hushed her and kissed her temple.

"Just please don't ever do anything like this again," Steve said, his voice choked with emotion. "I need you, I can't be without you."

Maria lifted her head and looked at him. She hardly knew how to respond. It had been a long time since she'd seen tears in Steve's eyes. She kissed him and rested her forehead to his.

"What did I do to deserve you?" she asked rhetorically.

Steve chuckled.

"I knew you were going to ask that," he smiled. "Hand me my pants."

"Yeah," Maria said. "We should probably get dressed."

"Well, that," Steve admitted. "And I have the list in my pocket."

Maria smiled and shook her head.

"You're incorrigible," she laughed as she kissed him again.

* * *

**A/N: Yes, I know. I didn't do Deadpool justice. To be fair to me, a lot was cut. To be realistic, I'll work on him. :D**

**Well, that was a nice seemingly happy ending. Enjoy the smiles. Last you'll see of them for a few days. But, it's almost over, and I'm an "angst with a happy ending" type gal so you don't have anything to (ultimately) worry about. :)**


	26. Keep Holding On

**A/N: Day 26-Gazing into Each Other's Eyes. What a sweet and mushy prompt. Yeah, right. bwahahahahaha.**

**Seriously, I can't even give them a break on their anniversary.**

**Title from the Avril Lavigne song.**

**More notes at the end. :)  
**

* * *

"Did I ever tell you that you have beautiful eyes?"

Maria's words were slurred, reminding Steve that at least she wouldn't know what was happening. Along with not fearing, he prayed she also would feel no pain.

He smiled at her, and when he spoke he tried to make his voice sound calm.

"Several times."

Their cells allowed only enough space to stand or sit. Maria could no longer stand so Steve chose to sit as well.

"Good," she said, then continued her silent gaze.

Steve tried to keep a calm look on his face, for her sake. He wished their roles were reversed, not only because he'd rather endure the pain she was being subjected to, but because she was so much better at masking her emotions.

He ruefully recalled his foolish thoughts at the beginning of their relationship when he thought she didn't feel as much love for him as he did for her. Three years today since they were married and Steve had learned better. He had become a pupil in all things that were his wife; her moods; her subtleties. And he had hoped to spend the rest of his life learning more.

"Don't be sad," Maria's voice broke into his thoughts.

He looked at her and forced himself to choke back the emotions that were threatening. Her eyes were smiling, though she looked exhausted.

"I wish I could hold your hand," she told him.

"Me too," he said, giving her a tight smile.

He wished he could hold all of her, comfort her before they took her away again. He wished they wanted information, he'd gladly give them anything to make this stop. But John Keane only wanted to make Steve suffer. The man was certainly succeeding.

He consoled himself with the fact that Maria appeared to not really understand what was happening. It was his only relief.

"I love you," he said.

It wasn't enough, he knew. But she smiled at him and he couldn't help but smile in return, if only to make her happy.

They heard the door swing open again and Steve felt fear, like bile, rise to his throat as he watched Keane stride across the room toward Maria.

"If looks could kill, Captain," he mocked. "Too bad they can't."

Steve glanced back at Maria. She still had the same pleasant smile on her face, but her eyes were shut.

"Come along, Mrs. America," he said.

Maria chuckled, as if she thought that was funny. But her eyes were still closed. He watched her take a slow deep breath before opening them to reveal the same look as she'd had earlier. But now Steve knew that it was only her mask. She did know what was happening and she was either covering it up for his sake or to make Keane think he hadn't bested her.

As Keane took her away, Steve yelled after him.

"You think you suffered when your wife died as a result of her own sins? When I get out of here you'll learn what real suffering is."

Keane laughed.

"I'd worry, if I actually thought you'd ever get out."

Two days later, the door to Steve's cell opened, as if by magic. He looked around for Pym who returned to his normal size as he led Steve to where Maria was being held. The guards were engaged in battle and not fairing too well against the Hulk and Ironman, and Steve stepped over more than a few with broken necks and arrows in their eyes.

He carefully carried Maria to the transport for medical care and laid her on the bed. Outside he heard the Hulk yell and he could have sworn it sounded as if the creature was calling him. Steve walked back out and watched Keane set down on the ground in front of him by the giant.

His eyes were wide with fear as Steve grabbed him up and marched him back into the building. Then, for the first time in many years, Steve gave himself over to his anger.

* * *

**A/N: Um, on the funny side, I chose Keane as the villain (I don't believe this in anyway matches him) because he went by the name Tumbler. As far as a time sucker, Tumblr is my greatest enemy. ;)**

**I'd love to say you'll like me better tomorrow, but I'd totally be lying. *Even eviler laugh* (Yes, eviler is a word, there is no red underline in the spell check.)**


	27. Never Thought I'd See You Smile Again

**A/N: I started this story way back when I was writing "Suffering Is a Guarantee..." At the time I was trying to post one happy little story along with the depressing one each week. So I got this idea of Steve holding their baby one night and having nice daddy thoughts. It took about five paragraphs before the poor guy ended up with PTSD. So I shelved it for later. I liked the story, though, so I brought it out again for this part. I actually did suffer from PTSD years ago after my son was in the NICU for six weeks after his birth. But back then no one knew that NICU parents regularly suffer from PTSD, that is only a recent development. Anyway, at some point I hope to write out the whole story and post it.**

**The title is from the Eagles song "You Are Not Alone."**

**Please R&amp;R. I appreciate them all.**

* * *

Independence Day found Steve celebrating his birthday in a far more subdued manner than previous years. Tony, surprisingly, had come up with the idea of the picnic at the park. It was just the two families, Tony and Pepper with their daughter, and Steve and Maria with theirs. They had spread a large blanket out under the shade of a tree and Steve leaned against the trunk.

He watched the people around him in silence. His own family, the other families, were all enjoying the festivities and each other's company. He tried to pull himself out of his internal struggle as he watched his little girl toddle over carefully and hand Maria a flower she had picked from the grass.

"She's so much like her dad, huh?" Pepper laughed and looked at Steve.

He smiled at her and hoped it appeared genuine.

Steve hated this, hated not being able to get past the terror of what had happened to his wife and daughter. It should be easy, he kept telling himself regardless what the therapist told him. He'd been in battles and lost friends, he'd lost everyone he knew when he woke from the ice 70 years after taking the Valkyrie down. Sure, he'd _almost_ lost Maria and Hope, but it wasn't the same. And he couldn't believe differently no matter what anyone said.

"That reminds me," Tony said, breaking into Steve's self-deprecating thoughts. "We have a birthday present for you."

Steve's friend reached into one of the bags and pulled out a small gift wrapped in blue paper with white stars.

The others laughed, and Steve pretended to join them. He caught a nervous look in Tony's eyes. He knew the man was questioning the wisdom of the gift and Steve wondered what it could be that would make him feel that way.

Tony had been trying to help Steve ever since the diagnosis of PTSD had become known to him. He'd been through it himself but Steve had argued that it was for a better reason. Tony had leveled a hard gaze at him.

_"I can tell you without a doubt that facing losing Pepper and Mia would be a hundred times worse than anything that happened in New York."_

Steve tore open the gift and stared in surprise. Beside him, Maria gave an audible gasp. They both recognized it as a frame some well-meaning person had given Maria at her baby shower. There were three places for photos. On the left was a space to put a baby picture of the father, on the right one for the mother, and in the middle was one for their own child, ostensibly to see which parent the child looked most like.

There were no baby pictures of Steve to be found, and the earliest picture of Maria showed a battered and broken two-year-old lying in a hospital bed. Steve's throat tightened at the thought. He had promised her he'd make up for all that pain, that he would never let anything hurt her again, and then he'd gone and. Maria's hand on his arm interrupted his thought and he knew she was attempting to calm him. He gave her a tight smile.

"Where'd you get these pictures?" Steve asked, wishing his voice wasn't so rough with emotion.

"I had JARVIS do a reverse aging thing," Tony explained, his voice a mixture of concern and hope.

Steve couldn't be angry. Tony and Maria had been infinitely patient throughout this mess.

Steve looked at the three photos and allowed himself a slight smile. From the beginning everyone had said his daughter looked like him. He didn't want to see it. He looked for Maria's features in their daughter almost constantly. It seemed to him that it would be more fitting if the girl looked like her mother since her mother had nearly died just to give her life.

But there was no denying that these photos made it appear that his daughter really had turned out to look just like him.

"Thank you." Steve managed to choke out, and he hoped he didn't sound bitter. It was just wrong for the child to have so much of him in her. What if Maria hadn't made it? What if all Steve had left was their daughter? How would he be reminded of his wife then?

The adults around him were laughing now and it drew Steve's attention to the babies. Mia had fallen and Steve's daughter was trying to help her up. The fact that Mia was twice as big as Hope was what made it so comical. And so Steve-like, he knew they were all thinking.

But, dammit, it was Maria-like, too. Didn't people see that? How could they not when she had stood by him through all of this? She had supported him and encouraged him and never doubted.

Maria reached over and took his hand in hers. Then she leaned up against his shoulder and pulled his arm around her. It only served to remind him of how horrible a husband he'd been over the past year. She'd been the one reaching to comfort him, when he could barely bring himself to touch her.

Hours later, back in the same position, their daughter sleeping on Maria's chest, Steve tried to enjoy the fireworks. He turned to look at Maria and could see the sadness in her eyes that she always tried to hide. She covered it quickly when she noticed him watching, the turned and smiled up at him.

Steve wanted to lean down and kiss her, his whole being ached for the contact, but he couldn't. He didn't even know why not.

Maria waited for a moment, probably wanting the same thing. The she turned away and rested her head back on his shoulder, where she could hide her disappointment from him.

It was midnight before they arrived home. Steve watched Maria put their daughter in her crib then he stared at the unfinished mural on the wall, a constant reminder of how things had almost been cut short, of how he'd almost lost them both. The therapist had encouraged him to finish it, but Steve had lost his vision for it.

Maria walked toward him and pulled his hand as she encouraged him to come to bed. He watched her undress out of the corner of his eye. He didn't realize he was staring at the scar on her abdomen until she interrupted his thoughts.

"Stop, Steve," she admonished.

She pulled a pajama shirt on and walked over to where he was seated on the bed. She placed her hand on his cheek and Steve wanted to lean into her touch, desired her comfort, but he couldn't. He didn't deserve it.

"You think I don't know what you're telling yourself?" she asked. Her voice was gentle and he just wanted to take her in his arms, bury his face in her neck, and release all his pain.

It wouldn't matter if he did today. In a week it would be their daughter's birthday, another trigger. Then September would bring another. How they came home on Melissa's birthday Steve had never managed to deal with at all. Maria had assured him it was perfect, a happy thing on what had once been such a painful day. But it only reminded Steve that he'd been responsible for putting a scar on top of the one Maria's mother had given her.

"Steve."

Maria's voice was barely a whisper.

He couldn't look at her. He reached out and pressed his hand against her abdomen to feel the scar. It seemed thicker than the first time he felt it all those years ago after she told him about Melissa. He had promised then that he would make up for that pain. They had agreed to no children, the doctors weren't sure Maria could even conceive, and no one could assure Steve that the super soldier serum would not pass on to his child.

They had been cautious, mostly. But there had been a few times they'd "slipped up" and nothing had happened. Then, Steve got sloppy and selfish. If he'd only waited a few hours until the store opened. If he'd only controlled himself that long. Dammit, he'd controlled himself for nearly three years before they were married. He couldn't wait three hours?

"Steve!"

Maria's voice was louder now and pulled him out of his dark thoughts. He looked at her and was surprised to find he was gasping for breath. His eyes darted around the room as if for a threat until he felt Maria's hands on his face, turning it to look at her.

He finally looked into her eyes. They were calm and sure. He'd seen that look many times over the years. It was the one she'd worn in battle, the one that assured her troops that things would be fine, that they would come out on top. He had always loved that look.

Slowly, he calmed as he stared at her. She never wavered, her gaze never left his. Without thinking, he reached up and touched her face.

"You are so beautiful," Steve whispered.

He almost smiled at her, he could feel it tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"I'm so sorry," he told her.

He said it a lot these days. He couldn't stop himself. At the beginning, before she realized how deep his hurt was, she had tried to assure him. Now she didn't use her words. At heart, they were both soldiers and a multitude of words just confused things for them. Give them a task, a battle, something to do, that they could understand. The therapist had explained to Steve that this was probably one of the problems, there was nothing he could do. No one could change the past.

"There's nothing to be sorry for anymore," she said.

Hesitantly, she leaned down to kiss him.

"Maria," he breathed out. "I don't."

"It's OK," she said. "I understand."

She began to turn away but he grabbed hold of her hands and turned her back to him.

Maria's face was masked, and Steve cursed himself again.

"I'm afraid you'll be disappointed," he told her.

She surprised him with a smirk and a chuckle.

"You've never disappointed me," she said.

"I don't know if I can," he started to reply.

She put a finger to his mouth.

"It's OK," she said.

"No, Maria, it's not," he told her. "You've put up with more than you should have to, you deserve better."

Then Maria, to his very great surprise, began to laugh, a deep, hearty laugh. She laughed so much she had to sit down on the bed beside him. Steve had no idea what he'd said that was so hilarious. He briefly considered that he might have driven her mad, but that thought almost made him laugh himself.

Finally she calmed down enough to get out some words between gasps for breath.

"Dear g-d," she said. "You sound like me."

Then she broke into fits of laughter again and fell back onto the bed.

Steve continued to stare at her in astonishment.

Shortly he heard some noise from his daughter's room. He worried that maybe Maria's laughter had woken Hope and he stood to check on her.

When he walked into the room he found Hope standing in the crib and laughing as she chewed on one of her toys. When she saw him she dropped the toy from her mouth and started saying, "mamamamamama" and reached out her skinny arms to tell him she wanted him to pick her up.

Steve pulled her out of her crib then carried her back to Maria who was now sitting on the bed, catching her breath. Hope reached out her arms to Maria when she saw her and Steve handed the girl over to her mother.

Their daughter gave Maria an Eskimo kiss and Maria started laughing again. Then Hope turned back to Steve and held out her arms to him. He sat next to them on the bed and she crawled into his lap. Putting her hands to his face, she seemed to be trying to force his lips into a smile.

Steve cleared his throat and attempted to force back the emotions that, again, threatened.

He felt Maria move next to him and he turned to her.

"I'm sorry, Steve," she said. "I didn't mean to laugh at you. I know what's happening is serious."

She trailed off and Hope sat down so she was using both their legs as a seat.

"It's been a long time since I heard you really laugh," he said. "I haven't been a very good husband lately."

"You've been hurting," she said.

"That's no excuse," he started.

"Yes, it is," she interrupted. "Sometimes we have to heal after something like that. You did before, didn't you?"

Steve nodded.

"I just wish you'd let me help you like you used to," she said, her voice was soft and sad.

Steve turned to look at her.

Hope had rested her head on Maria's shoulder and had moved her thumb into her mouth. Her big blue eyes were gazing up at him. When he looked at Maria, her own eyes were sad, but strong. He had forgotten just how strong she was.

Taking a fortifying breath, he cautiously leaned over and kissed her forehead. It had been so long since he'd pressed his lips to her skin. He began to shake as he kissed her eyes, then her mouth. Then he shifted himself and took them both into his embrace.

Maria's arm went around his back as he haltingly allowed himself to break in front of her. In his mind he was still in the hospital, making time between the two beds, the two rooms, the two floors. The tubes and the monitors reminding him of the frailty of the people he loved.

He held them both more tightly and, to his surprise, Hope didn't protest, she simply sighed and snuggled in closer to him. And then the dam broke and everything poured out. Maria quietly held him and rubbed his back with the arm that was around him as they both held Hope.

He never knew how long they sat like that, how long Maria listened to him cry. He didn't check the clock, he only paid attention to the two people he loved the most, wrapped in his arms.

"If I ever lost either of you, I swear I don't know what I'd do," he said when he finally regained control of his emotions.

Maria gave no reply, just held him more tightly.

After a moment he noticed that Hope had gone back to sleep, a moment later he finally noticed Maria's stifled yawns. He pulled them both down onto the bed with him and reached down to pull the quilt up.

Maria had reached over to the side table and grabbed the box of Kleenex and handed it to him. He wiped his face and nose, feeling slightly embarrassed at how emotional he'd been in front of her. But when he looked at her he saw the first genuine smile he'd seen in months.

Steve leaned down and kissed her slowly and gently, then he laid down on the bed and pulled Maria and Hope into his arms then allowed the sounds of their steady breaths to lull him into the first sound sleep he'd had in a year.


	28. If We Hold on Together

**A/N: Day 28 Doing Something Ridiculous. Now that's a funny prompt. Seriously. I promise. :) Actually, I promise no more real angst at all. Only referenced angst. The rest of the stories will be all fluffy and mushy. Just to prove to myself I can write that. Not saccharin-y, though. That, I don't know if I can do. ;)  
**

**Title from the Diana Ross song of the same name.**

**Thanks for all the reviews, follows, etc.**

* * *

Maria woke to the goose bumps on her bare back in the wake of Steve's kisses. She could tell from the light in the room that it was mid-morning. She had never been one for sleeping in before they'd had Hope. Now, as much as her body craved it, it was rare to have the opportunity.

But Hope was spending a few days with her best friend, Mia Stark, enjoying the indoor pool at The Avengers Tower and, if last night's goodnight phone conversation was any indication, the four-year-old hardly noticed her parents' absence. A lot of parents would probably feel bad about that, but Maria was glad for her daughter's independent spirit. It would serve her well growing up in her parents' shadow.

Steve had reached the base of her spine and was now rolling her over to start a return trip up the front of her body when Maria's stomach rumbled.

They both laughed and Steve sat up and took her hand to pull her with him.

"Happy Anniversary," he said, as he pulled her into his arms and kissed her softly on her lips.

Maria leaned into the kiss, but then they heard Steve's stomach.

Pulling away, she laughed, then touched him on the face.

"Happy Anniversary," she said.

He helped her up off the bed and slipped her robe over her shoulders before pulling on his own.

When they arrived downstairs, Maria saw a large gift on the table. It was wrapped elegantly in silver wrapping paper and white ribbon, and it was topped off by a huge white bow.

Maria was surprised, not only because the box was as large as their table, but because they didn't buy gifts for each other on their anniversary. They usually exchanged letters and gave each other a new picture of themselves with Hope. Then they carried those with them until the next year.

Maria had written the first letter and given the first picture for their fourth anniversary, the first after Hope was born. Steve had been so deep in his depression then that every special date, birthday, anniversary, was a trigger for him and she had simply wanted to reassure him and give him some hope.

She'd second guessed her idea when he'd choked up and left the room. But, later that night, she had noticed it under his pillow, and about a week later she'd seen him pull it out of his pocket with his wallet.

The next year, Steve had written her a letter and given her a picture of himself with Hope. She had carried them with her and found herself often pulling them out when she had a moment of free time at work.

Now it was simply what they did, so any gift would have been a surprise to her.

She glanced at Steve and raised an eyebrow in question.

He only shrugged.

"I wanted to give this to you and our anniversary seemed like the right time," he told her.

She walked over to the table and began to unwrap the enormous box. Steve walked around to the other side and pulled out his phone.

She glared at him.

"If you're taking pictures I'm going to go shower and dress," she said.

"Oh, come on, it's just one," he informed her.

"One?"

"Yeah, I just wanna capture your face when you open it," he said.

Maria stopped unwrapping the present.

"What is it?" she asked, suspicious now.

"Something you'll love."

He smiled, but it didn't assure her in the least.

"If you send a picture to Tony or Bucky, you'll be sleeping on the sofa for a month," she told him.

The look he gave her was smoldering and made her want to skip the gift, grab a Power Bar, and go back to bed.

"Alone," she said.

That wiped the look off his face. But he smiled, more amused than anything.

"Right," he laughed. "As if you could last a month."

She allowed herself a blush and gave in to the smile that came to her face. He was right. She couldn't last a month, she could barely last a day.

Finally, she started to open the gift.

The box turned out to be a wood crate. It appeared to need a crowbar to open. Well, it would if she didn't have a super soldier on hand.

Steve opened it easily to reveal the packing material. Maria put her hands in and cautiously felt around. Steve had his phone ready to take her picture when she saw the thing and if his smile was any indication, he was quite proud of this gift. That only served to make her nervous.

Her hand found something solid and she felt it for a moment, trying to guess what it was. It seemed to be long, almost the length of the box, but she couldn't really tell.

"Pull it out," Steve said.

His excitement was barely contained. Maria had a feeling he was going to enjoy whatever this gift was more than she.

Taking a deep breath, and reminding herself to be charitable, she did love her husband after all, she pulled it out.

In the end, Maria got the last laugh with the photo, which caught a terribly nasty glare she gave the photographer. Video probably would have been better because it would have caught Steve laughing his head off as she pulled out a tall lamp, shaped like Captain America's leg.

His laughter finally started to become contagious and Maria allowed herself an amused smirk.

"Whatever gave you the idea that I wanted such a thing?" she asked.

Steve had the nerve to act affronted.

"You asked for it," he said.

She looked at him in disbelief.

"I think I would remember asking," Maria paused, then started to laugh. She couldn't get the words out, they were too absurd.

Steve shook his head at her.

"Christmas Eve," he said. "We watched A Christmas Story with Hope before she went to bed."

Maria tried to think back but she realized now that the night was slightly hazy. Asgardian mead, even watered down,apparently packed quite a punch.

"I was drunk," she accused.

Though she knew her face wasn't very angry. Even the thought of the stupid lamp was causing her to giggle uncontrollably.

"Yes," he said. "But you know, 'In Vino Veritas' and all."

"More like 'In Vino Stultum*,'" Maria laughed.

"You really don't remember?"

Steve was starting to look less amused and more concerned.

Maria shook her head then walked around the table to him.

"But I'm sure it's an entertaining story," she assured him as she kissed him.

She walked around him to the refrigerator to get the eggs and some ham to cook up for breakfast but he pulled her back to him.

"I was thinking we could maybe have some ice cream for breakfast," he said as he wiggled his eyebrows at her.

Maria cocked an eyebrow at him and stared for a moment as if assessing him.

"I was thinking more along the lines of _whipped_ cream," she said as she opened the door and attempted to reach inside to grab a can of whipped cream.

"Uh-uh," he said, grabbing her arm quickly. "Play fair."

"Why, Captain, are you inferring that I ever don't?"

The smirk he leveled made her laugh.

"Alright," she said then reached in and grabbed two cans.

She handed one to him and removed the cap from hers.

"Rules?" she asked.

"There are no rules in love and whipped cream wars," he said.

His lips ghosted hers as he attempted to be serious, but Maria could see the desire in his eyes.

She placed her hand on his chest as they gazed into each other's eyes, then used his distraction to her advantage as she sprayed a good dollop through the opening in his robe.

Steve jumped back in surprise and Maria ducked around the table and the crate to hide before chancing another shot, this time at his feet. Then she darted off into the living room but Steve followed quickly and when he grabbed her he sprayed some whipped cream down the back of her robe. Maria twisted and elbowed him in the gut, then jumped over the sofa to use the back as a (barrier) and peeked back over to where she left Steve.

"Dang," she said when she saw he was already gone. She started to turn, knowing he'd be behind her.

"Such language," Steve gasped in mock horror.

Then there was a spray of whipped cream on the side of her face and Steve jumped away before she could return fire.

Another ten minutes and both cans were spent. Another thirty minutes and both people were.

Maria figured she was always the winner in this game. Though Steve's shots hit their target more often, the clean-up was in her favor.

As they lay tangled together on the living room floor, Steve's head rested on Maria's chest and she ran her fingers through his hair.

"I'm so glad I married you," she said.

He looked up at her and rested his chin on his hand.

"Well, that's good," he smiled lazily at her. "Coz you're kinda stuck with me, since I'm happy I married you."

"So, are you going to tell me the story of the lamp?" she asked.

"Sure," he said. "How about over breakfast?"

"Where are we going to eat?" she laughed. "There's a huge crate holding a stupid leg lamp on the table."

Steve looked back at the table.

"Why do we have to eat off the table?" he asked.

When he turned back to her, there was a look of deep desire already returning to his eyes.

"Why do we have to eat off plates?" he asked.

She returned the look for a moment, then smirked.

"I'm never going to hear this story, am I?"

_*stultum = stupid in Latin (that's what I found online, my son says they haven't had that word in his Latin program yet, so he was no help. :D)_


	29. The Girl with Enamel Eyes

**A/N: Haven't decided if it's more difficult to write fluff or write the way a five-year-old thinks. Probably the former. ;)**

**Anyway, off to my favorite comedic ballet, Coppelia, today. That's where I got the title (It's the subtitle of Coppelia). This story takes place about one-and-a-half years after the previous one and is inspired by my older story "Not for the Faint of Heart." You might want to read that, it's just a short story, to get an idea what's going on here, but I think you might be able to get the gist of it without the older story.**

**Thanks for all the new likes and follows and reviews.**

**Please R&amp;R**

* * *

Five-year-old Hope Rogers looked at her reflection in the full length mirror in the back stage dressing room. Her daddy had done her hair in a perfect ballet bun. Her Aunt Pepper had done her make-up. Recital was the only time of the year Hope was permitted to wear make-up. Her powder-blue costume with the pink tutu finished with pink tights and ballet slippers made her look like a real ballerina. She smiled happily.

Last year had been different. Last year her mommy had done her hair and make-up and had sat backstage with her for her first recital. But then mommy went away. First she went to work far away, then she went to heaven to be with the angels. Hope was very sad. She didn't think the angels needed her mommy as much as she and her daddy did. Daddy tried to tell her different, but he cried more than Hope so she didn't believe him.

Then one day when she was staying with Aunt Pepper and Uncle Tony while Daddy had to go to work far away, Daddy called her and told her he found Mommy and was going to bring her home. Hope didn't understand. Everyone had told her that once people go to heaven they couldn't come back. Later, as she thought about it, she understood better.

Her daddy was Captain America and he was very strong and brave. He was never afraid of things like the dark or the basement or the Ferguson's dog. But she did remember that once she heard Daddy tell Mommy that he was afraid he would lose Mommy. That hadn't made any sense to Hope, either. How could you lose a person? Hope had once lost her doll at the store, but it seemed kind of silly to lose a big person like Mommy. But Daddy was afraid of doing that, and when Mommy went to heaven, Daddy was very sad.

Hope figured that Daddy hadn't gone to work far away, what he'd really done was go to heaven to take Mommy back from the angels. Hope knew angels were very strong, but once Mommy had told her a story of how Daddy had gone all by himself to rescue Uncle Bucky and a whole bunch of their friends and he had to fight hundreds of soldiers and the ugly Red Skull to save them. Hope didn't think angels were probably much stronger than the Red Skull so it really wouldn't have been too much of a problem for him.

Later she wondered why Daddy hadn't simply gone to heaven at first, right after the angels took Mommy. But she asked the Priest if it was hard to find heaven and he told her that the bible said that few find the way to heaven. Hope figured it must have taken Daddy a while to find the way, or he'd have brought Mommy back much sooner.

When she'd told her best friend, Mia, all this, Mia thought Hope's daddy was the bravest and strongest man in the world. Her own daddy had only gone into outer space and he'd had his Ironman suit on when he did. Hope's daddy didn't need an Ironman suit.

Today was the best day though. Today, Daddy had gone to the hospital to bring Mommy to the recital and, after, they would all go home together. Mommy had been too sick to come home right away when she got back from heaven. Hope had wondered when she saw her mommy in the hospital if it had been such a good thing for Daddy to bring her back. She looked very weak, and she couldn't walk at all. Maybe this was why people didn't usually come back from heaven. The priest had said that in heaven the body got changed. Hope didn't really think it was a good change but maybe you didn't need to walk and stuff in heaven because you had wings to fly around. Or maybe the air was different so Mommy got sick breathing Earth's dirty air because she was used to Heaven's clean air.

Miss Katie came into the dressing room and told the boys and girls to line up for their dance. The backstage moms put them in order. Hope was very excited even though she knew she couldn't see her Mommy from the stage. Aunt Pepper had promised her that Mommy was in the audience before she left to go sit with her. Hope knew she was supposed to stand still and wait quietly but she couldn't stop herself from bouncing slightly.

Finally she and her friends followed Miss Katie to the side of the stage. Last year Hope had been afraid because it was dark in the wings. This year she wasn't afraid of the dark, as much, because if Daddy could bring Mommy all the way back from Heaven, he could protect Hope from all the terrible things that were in the dark, though maybe not the basement.

Once out onstage, Hope and her friends entertained "Swanhilde" and hers by dancing the Chinese doll dance. Then they left the stage and went back to the dressing room to wait for the finale. When that was over, Hope ran out the side door with her friends and found her daddy waiting for her. He carried her over to her mommy who held peach and pink roses* for Hope in her arms. Daddy set her down in Mommy's lap. Hope was sad because her mommy still needed a wheelchair but Daddy had told her it wouldn't be for much longer.

"I'm so proud of you, baby girl," her Mommy said as she held her. "You did really well."

Uncle Tony, Aunt Pepper, Mia, Uncle Clint, and Aunt Natasha were all there as well. Not Gregory, though, he couldn't sit still long enough because he was a fidgeter. But Hope didn't really mind because sometimes Gregory pulled her hair when it was in pigtails and she didn't want him to pull out her pretty ballet bun.

After the grown-ups took a ton of pictures, everyone walked to the parking lot. Last year they had gone to Hope's favorite restaurant, _gobo_. This year she and Daddy were going to take Mommy home. Hope had told everyone that was just fine with her. They could go out out some other time. Hope just wanted to get home and snuggle with her mommy and help her daddy take care of her.

* * *

**A/N: I'd say that's as sweet as I get but tomorrow's is probably sweeter. :)**


	30. I Don't Dance

**A/N: And so we've come, to the end of our road...wait, wrong song. :)  
**

**OK, so, apparently, when I try to make people laugh, I end up making them cry...at least if yesterday is any indication. :D This is not pure fluff. I could never write pure fluff, at least it seems. There has to be some feeling, some emotion. But I happen to think this is at least happy. However, if you would like to cry, please feel free to do so. ;)  
**

**Anyway, sorry it's so late. It's been one of those weeks. The type where you wake up on Monday trying to figure out why it isn't Friday yet. *sigh***

**The song is the title song for the series (and for this story). I'd already planned a state fair story, but wanted to tie in the song. It wasn't too difficult. It's by Lee Brice.  
**

**It takes place about a year after the previous story. It references stories #2, #10, (both in this collection), and Not for the Faint of Heart (yes, again :)). Flashbacks are in italics. I think that's all.**

**Thanks to all of you for reading all the way through. Thanks for the likes and the reviews especially. They are more appreciated than I can convey.**

* * *

_I'll never settle down  
That's what I always thought  
Yeah, I was that kind of man  
Just ask anyone_

Maria leaned against the railing and watched her daughter go around in circles in the miniature metal airplane. Hope smiled and waved every time her mother came into view again. The little girl had been happy to discover she was still under the height line for her favorite fair rides. She'd been worried ever since her friends, Mia and Gregory, had told her they were too tall this year.

Next to her, Maria felt Steve shift and she glanced at him. There were tension lines on his face in spite of his smile. She knew Hope's height and weight both worried him. But Bruce, who'd been monitoring their daughter since she was a baby, had assured them that everything, with the exception of her ability to hold her breath for an extreme length of time, long enough to make both her parents apoplectic with worry, was normal.

The ride slowed and stopped. Hope jumped out easily and ran around the gate to meet her parents.

"Can I go on the roller coaster, again?" she asked.

Steve scooped her up in his arms.

"Sure, Princess," he said.

Hope laughed as her father threw her over his shoulder.

"I'm not potatoes," she squealed.

Maria smiled.

"Let's get some water, first," she said.

It was a terribly hot day, hottest on record, she'd heard that morning.

'Of all the days to go to the fair,' she thought.

They bought three water bottles from a hot dog vendor then walked over to wait in the line for the coaster. Maria took the opportunity of the wait to reapply sunscreen on Hope's face and arms. Then she took a small amount and put it on her own neck and the upper part of her chest where her hat didn't shade.

"You know, I could do that for you." Steve leaned in and whispered.

Maria turned her head and cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Steve, honestly. Do you mind? I'm trying to be cooler, not hotter."

Then she gave him her best "stop messing with me" glare.

"I don't think you could possibly get any hotter," he said, as his eyes wandered slowly down her body the just as slowly returned to her face.

By the time he looked at her she was laughing.

"You've been waiting all day to use that line," she accused.

He gave her an innocent look, then smiled in return.

"Yeah, probably," he said.

He leaned in and gave her a quick kiss on her lips.

They finally arrived at the front of the line and Hope gave the worker her tickets then ran and climbed into the back car of the child-size roller coaster. Steve and Maria walked toward the exit gate and Maria pulled out her phone to take a picture when Hope came into view.

After that ride they all decided to venture into one of the air conditioned halls. Hope twirled ahead of them as they walked. Maria smiled at her and slipped her hand into Steve's.

Once inside the hall, Hope quickly found a snow cone vendor and they ordered one each. Steve gave Maria his usual rueful look at her order of a so-called "suicide," which required one pump of each flavor. Hope watched wide-eyed as her mother took her first bite of the ice and declared it perfect.

"You don't know what you're missing," Maria said, and took a second bite.

She couldn't stop the laugh that bubbled up as Hope and Steve gave her identical disgusted looks.

She reached into her pocket quickly for her phone as her husband and daughter began to take bites from their own snow cones.

"Wait," she commanded.

They both looked up at her in confusion and Maria took a picture.

"OK, that's good enough," she said, as she returned her phone to her pocket.

"I wanna see." Hope piped up.

Steve cleared his throat loudly and Hope looked up at him. It took two seconds, but she realized her error and corrected herself.

"May I see the picture, please?"

Maria smiled and nodded. Hope came over to her mother's arm as Maria pulled the phone out again. She turned it on to show the girl the photo and Hope began to giggle uncontrollably.

"OK, I think I'd better take a look at that," Steve said, trying to sound serious. "Make sure it's appropriate."

"It's perfect," Hope told him.

Maria turned the phone so he could see and smiled at Steve's proud smile. It had taken a long time for him to accept that his daughter was, indeed, exactly like him.

_"Except in personality," Steve said. _

_Maria turned to him and stepped down from the step stool she had used to hang their new family portrait over the fireplace. _

_"She's just as stubborn as you," he said, no glint of humor in his eyes. _

_Maria stared at him for a moment before responding. _

_"Oh, because you are such a flexible, compliant person," she said, mocking him. _

_"I am," he agreed, still serious. _

_She shook her head. _

_"I'll go get my list," she said and turned to walk away from him. _

_He quickly grabbed her arm and prevented her from leaving. _

_"What list?"_

_"I have a list of every stubborn, unyielding, bullheaded thing you ever did," she informed him. _

_He stared at her in surprise and it was all Maria could do to keep herself from laughing. _

_"You keep a list for that?" _

_"I knew I'd need it for the day when you stubbornly tried to accuse me of being more stubborn than you," she told him._

_Steve slid his hand slowly from her elbow to her wrist and pulled her to him. _

_"You're so efficient," he said, his voice a low rumble._

_He leaned down and kissed her neck and Maria felt herself growing warmer despite the air conditioning. Steve certainly could make the most mundane statement seductive. _

_He pulled away and glanced at the grandfather clock across the room then turned back and raise an eyebrow in query. Maria knew that look all too well. She smiled. _

_"What say you and I make 'efficient' use of our time to find out exactly which of us is more 'flexible'" He pulled her closer and Maria couldn't help but laugh now, even as his hands slid to her hips._

Maria watched now as Steve and Hope slipped on arrow-shaped paper head bands. Hope handed one to her mother and Maria laughed as she rolled her eyes and put it on her own head.

"Aren't we a sight?" She stated more than questioned.

Steve pulled out his own phone now and grabbed Hope to pull her into a picture with the two of them. They took several goofy pictures, then laughed and talked as they wandered through the hall, eating their snow cones and looking at all the vendors.

"Ready to venture back out in the heat?" Steve said as they reached the last aisle of the hall.

"Yeah," Hope cheered. "Let's go see the animals."

"That reminds me," Steve said to his daughter as he pushed open the door for her and Maria. "Did I ever tell you about the time your mom and I got stuck wearing these funny animal ears at the library and I didn't notice I still had them on all day, even at work?"

Hope laughed hysterically at the thought and Steve pulled Maria's hand into his own, then kissed her slowly.

"Did you kiss Mommy in them?" Hope interrupted their kiss.

Steve and Maria laughed and Steve nodded.

"A couple times," he said.

They walked to the animals where Steve took Hope into the petting zoo. Then she rode the ponies, and, to her great delight, an elephant. After they'd seen, Maria was certain, every animal on the fairgrounds, they went in search of a place that served something besides deep fried Oreos. They found one that sold BBQ turkey and, fortunately, roasted corn on the cob, so Hope, who had decided when she was three that it was terrible to eat animals, could have something to eat.

"You have some sauce on your chin," Maria told Steve. She stopped his hand as he reached for a napkin and leaned over to kiss the small drop off his face.

Steve cleared his throat carefully as she pulled away and smiled up at him.

"Now who's making whom hot?"

Maria quirked an eyebrow at him, then let her eyes wander over his body.

"Must I state the obvious?" she asked, before they both laughed.

* * *

_Love's never come my way  
I've never been this far  
'Cause you took these two left feet  
And waltzed away with my heart_

Sundown didn't mean cool down that evening. The heat was less intense, however, and Maria and Hope could stop applying sunscreen. There was no breeze and the air was heavy. Steve had no trouble with it, and Hope, and this often worried him, didn't either, but Maria was starting to look worn out. He knew she would drop before she said anything.

'And she says _I'm _more stubborn,' he thought.

It was barely more than a year since he and the SHIELD team had only accidentally recovered her. Maria's nearly yearlong captivity had been horrific and Steve was truly amazed she could function. Quite honestly, she'd recovered better than he.

"Why don't we ride the Ferris wheel?"

Maria's voice broke into his thoughts and Steve nodded, then followed as she turned toward the line. It was as close to an admittance of her exhaustion as he was going to get.

"We should make this our last ride, then we can go to the car and watch the fireworks from there," he suggested.

When his wife and daughter looked at him in horror at the idea he chuckled.

"The car has a/c, the grandstand doesn't." He reminded them.

They didn't look happy, but they acquiesced.

In line for the Ferris wheel, Steve got Maria to at least lean into him. He'd have carried her but he knew that suggestion wouldn't end well for him.

_"Stop babying me." Maria was angry now, but Steve was frustrated so he didn't back down. _

_They were on the stairs, a week after she had come home from the hospital after her captivity, and Maria was struggling with the pain. Steve had made the mistake of suggesting he carry her._

_"I'm not 'babying' you! I'm just trying to help," he retorted through gritted teeth. _

_"I don't need your help, I need to be able to do things on my own," she snapped back, her voice getting louder as she spoke. _

_"It's not a bad thing to ask for help, Maria" Steve said, trying to keep himself calm. _

_"Are you trying to make me angry, Captain?" _

_Steve stared at her back from the foot of the staircase. She was only on the fifth step, it had taken her a minute to get that far. Something about the way she said the words and the use of his title caused his chest to tighten. He wasn't even sure how to respond, until an old memory came to him._

_He took a deep breath then walked up the five steps to stand next to her. She looked up at him. The physical pain she felt was apparent on her face. She held out her hand and he put her arm around his shoulder and she leaned on him as she took the rest of the stairs with his help. It took three full minutes before they reached the upstairs hall, by then Maria looked drained. _

_"I've carried you this far before." He touched her face and nodded his head toward the bedroom._

_"Yeah, but there's no reward this time." She attempted a smirk. _

_"Any time you're in my arms it's a reward," he said. _

_Maria rolled her eyes. _

_"You're such a sap," she said, but she raised her arms to indicate she'd allow him to carry her._

_Steve put one arm under her shoulders and his other under her knees and lifted her gently. In a moment he laid her down on their bed. _

_"I didn't know you remembered that," he said as he lay down next to her._

_"How could I forget the first time Captain America tried to kiss me?" she asked, softly. _

_Her eyes were closed so Steve only smiled to himself and brushed a lock of hair away from her forehead. _

_"I remember a lot of things now," she said after several minutes. "It's what got me through."_

_"The first time you told me you loved me," she began. "The first time we kissed. Our wedding. The first time we made love."_

_She paused, then smiled after a minute. _

_"A lot of the times we made love," she said and Steve took her hand in his. _

_"How happy you were when you found out we were having a baby," she said, then shook her head. "I don't think I will ever forget the joy on your face. You looked as happy as you did on our wedding day."_

_"I was," Steve said._

_"The first time I saw Hope," she continued. "I remember thinking it was so strange for me not to be afraid of all her tubes and wires, but you were right next to me, and I'm never afraid then._

_"I thought of how the doctors and therapists were so amazed when she started walking and talking, and everything was fine with her despite all their negative prognoses._

_"Every good thing that ever happened to us really shouldn't have," she said. "We never even should have met. But we did, and my life is so much better for it."_

_Maria opened her eyes and looked at him._

_"I was so afraid of all of this, afraid that loving someone would mean that I couldn't protect myself," she said. "But it was our love that protected me while I was captive. It was our love that made me want to fight and go on."_

"Daddy, you should sit in the middle and Mommy and I will sit on either side," Hope said.

They were almost to the front of the line now. Maria was still leaning against Steve, her back to his chest. He had his arms wrapped around her stomach and was supporting most of her weight, though it wouldn't look as though he was to anyone watching.

"I'd like that," Steve said.

"So would everyone on the Ferris wheel," Hope replied.

"Um, why?" Steve asked, interested to know where his daughter came up with that thought.

"Uncle Bucky told me that you are so heavy that you would make the Ferris wheel fall over if you were on the side," Hope answered, very serious about it.

Steve felt Maria begin to shake as she chuckled.

"I'll have to have a chat with your Uncle Bucky later," he said.

"OK," Hope said, then returned to watching the people in front of them board their car.

When it was their turn, Hope scrambled quickly into the car as Maria and Steve followed.

When all the cars had been filled with new riders, they swiftly began to go around and around. The breeze the motion created helped them cool down. Hope laughed in delight at the speed and lamented that it couldn't go faster. After three minutes, they slowed and the passengers were traded again. Hope began to giggle. The closer they got to stopping at the top, the more she laughed. Steve and Maria exchanged glances.

"Well, just ask yourself what you'd be giggling about in this situation," Maria told him.

Steve rolled his eyes at her.

When they were at the top, waiting to go back around and disembark, Hope clapped her hands.

"Hooray, we're at the top."

Before either of her parents could ask exactly why that was such a good thing, Hope turned to them and smiled.

"You have to kiss each other now."

Steve felt his mouth fall slightly open as he stared at his daughter.

"Why?" And this time Steve was nervous of her answer.

"Mia said that when Uncle Tony and Aunt Pepper got to the top, they kissed, and when she asked them why they told her that's what married people do."

Steve was about to respond when Maria replied.

"A romantic opportunist," she said. "Yep, she's exactly like her dad."

Steve turned to her and gave her the best hurt look he could muster under the circumstances.

"Don't look at me like that," Maria admonished.

"Well, I wouldn't take every opportunity, if you would stop being, well, so, you," was the best quip Steve could come up with because the thought of kissing Maria, here, now, ever, did things to him. It always had, since the first imaginary one in his mind all those years ago.

And now she was smiling at him and it was the kind of smile that made him feel far too warm even in winter and then she reached for the front of his shirt and pulled him slowly to her. He brushed his lips gently over hers. Behind him he heard Hope cheer. Maria started to laugh and he couldn't stop himself from laughing, either.

As they walked to the car, Steve leaned over to Maria and whispered.

"We could just go home and make our own fireworks."

Maria turned and gave him an incredulous look.

"We could just go home and work on your puns," she retorted.

"I'm sorry, did you say you wanted to work on my buns?"

Maria started to laugh and Steve pulled her to his side and kissed her temple.

"I love you," he said.

She smiled and he bent down quickly to kiss her lips.

"Aw, not yet," Hope whined.

They looked at her.

"You have to wait until the fireworks," she told them rather dramatically.

"Mia tell you that, too?" Maria asked.

Hope shook her head.

"Gregory."

Steve smiled.

"Well, how about as soon as we get to the car?"

"Steve," Maria said and gave him her "not in front of the child" look.

He only smirked at her.

"Here, Hope, we'll get there faster this way," Steve said.

He picked up his daughter then turned and handed her to a surprised Maria. Then he put his arms under Maria's shoulders and knees and picked the two of them up together.

"Show off," Maria laughed as Steve carried them across the parking lot to their car.

"Wow, Mommy. Daddy must really want to kiss you," Hope giggled.

"And then some, Sweetheart," Steve said.

Maria just shook her head and laughed at him.

They left after the fireworks and by the time they arrived home, Hope was fast asleep. Steve carried her in and Maria and he got her limp body into her pajamas and into bed.

By the time Steve joined Maria in bed he knew there would be no "fireworks" or anything else that night. He smiled as he watched his wife sleep. He thought about what she'd told him when she was rescued, that it was their love that got her through. He knew exactly what she meant. It had done the same for him, and now that he had her back he planned on giving her a million more memories to make her stronger.

He reached behind and turned out the light, then he pulled Maria to him. She mumbled something incoherent in her sleep, then she settled onto his chest. And Steve closed his eyes and slept the sleep he only could when she was in his arms.

_I don't dance, but here I am  
Spinnin' you 'round and 'round in circles  
It ain't my style, but I don't care  
I'd do anything with you anywhere  
Yeah, you've got me in the palm of your hand  
'Cause I don't dance_


End file.
